I look out into the seemingly endless woods of my backyard. Leaning on the porch railing I eat a slice of bread that I got from my latest voyage into town. I take a deep breath and appreciate the feeling of the morning breeze on my face. Fall is setting in and I am looking forward to spending it in this cabin. Having a roof over your head makes the world of a difference. I stumbled across this cabin a little over a year ago and it has been the biggest blessing I have ever received. It’s a small, one-floor cabin with a few pieces of old furniture that were left behind. But it’s my haven.

          Thank you for this place. Without it, I may not have lasted this long.

I try and ration my supplies for as long as possible. Living off the land as much as I can. I found a stream about three miles from the cabin where I can collect water, and there are some edible plants in the surrounding area. But sometimes, I venture the two-day hike into the nearest town and see if I can find some things I need. Chewing my bread, I look out onto the land. My land.  I’ve been running for eight years. All alone, town hopping, sleeping in the woods, hiding my features for eight years. But I’ve managed to hold onto some hope. Even through all this darkness, all this pain and betrayal. I will not go down willingly. I am not ashamed of who I am.

I hold up my left hand into the morning sunlight and admire the glistening of my engagement ring.found this cabin, I sowed a small pocket in the waistband of my pants for safe keeping. I know that if I was killed, my body would be searched, and I would lose possession of it. But it was best not to have it on display, and I couldn’t get rid of it. I don’t know where Jackson is. I haven’t seen him in years. It became unsafe for him to even be associated with me less than a year after everything started. After coming to the realization that I needed to leave, for everyone’s safety, he insisted he was going to come with me. But things got messy and violent. I try not to think about those things. It hurts too much. So, one night I decided I needed to leave immediately. So, I did. I don’t know if Jackson is still alive or where he is. Sometimes when I look deep into myself, I almost hope that he is dead. I don’t like to think of him living in this world. I especially don’t like to think he joined them.

I twist my ring around my finger and shake my head. The past is in the past. I have things to work towards now. I found some bags of seeds and I want to try planting them next year. Maybe that way I’ll need to go into town even less. I have books I haven’t read yet, and I want to try drawing the landscape around me. There are things I want to do. Things I am finally looking forward to, and it feels good. I haven’t felt that in a long time.