My eyes sting when they are open. They sting when they’re shut. But my body settles for shut as opening them again hurts more. A scalding tear ran down my cheek and I had zero fucks to give to wipe it away. On the verge of drifting off to sleep, the van door slams open, startling me awake and renewing the burning sensation…everywhere. When it was just the prickling pain, I was handling it just fine. But now I’m also dealing with my annoyance of being knocked awake from the cusp of numbing sleep. My eyes were open and stinging once again.

Half falling, half tripping out of the van, Skull had so graciously led me to the front door of Dark Sol’s grand country club entrance. No one was there for a second before I noticed a familiar face of Poppy at the entrance who took in the sight of us for a split second and ran off. Probably to find Moon. Where Moon ran out, the look of shock first lanced through me before she turned it to sheer anger at Skull.

Skull’s hands shot up with a causal grin as he handed me over like he was a doggy day carer hanging back over her toy poodle. “As you can imagine, there were some severe complications with Ghost’s group.” He was not urgent at all.

“What happened?” Moon took hold of my good side while I was trying to stay standing without leaning on her as much as I could.

“They blew up my greenhouse.”

“They?”

He just smirks.

“Skull-” she bites out, but I force a hand up to stop her and she halts her bullrush charge. She takes a breath and tries again with less heat, “Where’s Shadow? Everyone?”

Skull shakes his head, “Still working out the mess. I suggest you take your little doctor inside. He was a bit fucked up.”

“That’s putting it mildly you fucking prick and I’m not a doctor,” I manage. I’ve had enough of this bastard for the day. If I see him again, it’ll be a billion years too soon. I try to move. My aim is to get as much distance as I can. Jaguar and Reaper pick that moment to tumble out the doors towards us. Moon let them take over pulling me inside and I could tell her gaze was still fixated on Skull.

I don’t care. My head still hurts and the ringing in my ears just adds to my rising irritation. The pair drag me through the hallway that had a bit of a crowd.  I force them to lead me into the giant kitchen in the restaurant section.

Between them and myself, I was able to get the slightly charred shirt off and had a camping solar light bright enough for me to inspect the burn. It blotches my skin pink from my left lower ribs to just above the hip. My arms also look a little sunburnt as I had probably instinctively covered my face when I was thrown like a ragdoll. I asked for cold water and try to clean it, but the stinging made it damn difficult not to stop every three seconds. I also swore every cuss word I knew through gritted teeth as Jaguar ties to assist with the process for a good twenty minutes. The best I could do for now was clingwrap to put over the area when I go to lie down. I wasn’t in the mood to look for gauze or explain to them what I needed. My skin is going to blister but that’s a later problem.  If I could, I would find a tetanus shot, just in case…If I can even find any and it’s usable…

I let out a breath. This is so much harder when it’s me. I rub one of my eyes with the heel of my palm. I was angry and tired and in pain. My mood will just get worse. I look back at the pair of worried faces and motion for water to drink. I didn’t trust myself with an IV drip right now.

Jaguar places a cup of water in front of me, I drink it fast. She fills it again two more times before I stop myself from overdoing it. I stare at the floor between my feet.

Now what?

I want to leave. I want to know what’s happened to Shadow. I bit back a laugh. Stopping it from turning into a sob. This-I was coming off the adrenaline and could recognise the emotional shock. The situation was too close. I still smell smoke and burning flesh. I saw the girl helplessly die by a sociopathic Smurf in a suit. Breathing seems awfully difficult right now.

What don’t any of these monsters hesitate? I still remember the grin as he slashes her neck like it’s nothing. It’s the same smile I remember when I caught someone mutilating a dog. It’s the same smile. No matter where I go-

My ears still ring loudly and when I don’t focus, I cannot even guess what anyone is saying. Which just made the barely audible murmuring that these girls were saying in front of me was just buzzing noise at this point. Ah…why am I even here? Why did I agree to be with this fucking group? Now I’ve borne witness to a mass murder by a bunch of kids. Who knows what’s happened to Silver or her precious Ghost?

Moon’s probably going to suggest checking in on their fucking camp instead of leaving it the fuck alone for once. -Why do I care? Why should I care?

It’s too hard to breathe.

Why don’t I just run for it?

What’s the point? Why the fuck am I even trying? Why do I even care?

Breathe. Just fucking breathe.

I see Reaper continuously asking me if I’m doing alright but the best I could do was stare back in her general direction.

The room feels too small. There’s not enough air. My chest in constricting. Too hard to breathe in here. I want out. I go to walk back out the way I came, feeling Jaguar trying to stop me but someone must have held her back as her grip drops away. I walk out to the reception area, taking in the massive glass walls that look out over the dark ponds and golfing zones. But only darkness looks back. I couldn’t see much of the landscape as it was long into the night now. Only the random lights strewn about in here let me know where things were.

I drop to the floor, staring out into the night, I just…lay there on my side. Avoiding the burn. And I’ve forgotten the clingwrap. Who cares. It’s still stinging. But my mind feels too far away while I curl up and try to breathe. I…don’t think I’m ok.

“..ke?”

I hear someone trying to call my name and I look up to see Liam staring directly at me. I go back to staring out. I don’t know how I’d respond it I answered him. Lash out? Sobbing about how hard I have it? We all have it hard. I’m not any more special than anyone here. But God do I feel fucking sorry for myself right now and the guilt for feeling it. I need to read or do something to take my mind off of it but I can’t exactly move and I don’t want to talk. I hate it.

I did the only thing I could do. Shut my eyes and continue feeling sorry for myself. I…now what? Is everyone else dead?

---

My eyes open to the morning sun and I hate it. I go to roll over, but pain immediately spikes along my side and with it, the memories of everything. I notice a pillow is under my head and someone had put the clingwrap over my side so that the blanket that I’m wrapped up in didn’t touch it. Lowering the blanket and removing the plastic, I see the blisters forming along my side. I’ll scar. My arms luckily seem to be ok, just need to avoid direct light for a while. I’ll have to move from here before the sun creeps in.

It was the eerie silent kind of morning. Predawn but still light enough that I could see easily enough. I go to lay back down but notice Moon is sitting on the ground next to Liam. He’s still fast asleep. Moon was instead watching the sunrise through bloodshot eyes. She notices me before rubbing her face in her jumper’s sleeve. She mouths an “I’m so sorry” and starts crying, sniffling into her sleeves.

I internally sigh at myself. Why am I getting involved again? I get up and stand in front of her. “Have you sent people out to see Ghost’s place yet?” My voice was weak and cracked but I ignore it.

She sniffs again and shakes her head, “We- I…” she fumbles for words. “Not yet. Soon though.”

I then let out that heavy sigh before looking directly into her eyes so that she didn’t miss a word. “Be very careful with what you’re doing now. I don’t know how much this Tribunal group knows. They already knew where Ghost was hiding and may have already infiltrated that base of his. When was the last time you sent someone there?”

She thought for a second. “Only Echo and Jaguar with the first contact. Nothing since.”

“There seems to be a mole of some sort in Ghost’s midst…and they got him good.”

“…Skull also told me about Jewels,” she said weakly. “Shadow is- if only I didn’t-” Oh boy.

“Moon. This isn’t your fault.” I’m really not good at this shit. “You offered help. Did you know that this was going to happen?”

“No but now Shadow-”

“Moon, you didn’t know.” I stop her and try to sit back down so that I’m at eye level.

“If I didn’t contact them in the first place then Shadow would still be here. He’d be safe. Now I don’t even know if he’s alive.”

“Maybe but dealing in conjectured ‘what if’s’ is a crippling thing. We cannot change the past, no. We make a choice, and we live or die by its consequence. But that doesn’t make it a good choice or a bad one. It’s just…that. A choice. That doesn’t make you a bad person, Moon. You try to do what is best for others. I might think it’s naïve as fuck but… you still do it. You still make a decision, follow through not matter what, and that’s something that many struggle with or worse focus on blame. Your group follows you for a reason Moon. It’s not because of Valkyrie. It’s because you actually give a shit about other people and try to do right by them. You listen and then try to help.”

She stares at me in silence before wiping her eyes again. "You’re being nice.”

“Probably inhaled too much smoke.”

“…Just…thank you…”

I nod but I know that this singular talk wasn’t going to change much about her deep-rooted low self-esteem or stop herself from feeling guilty about Shadow. I look over to see the sun starting to peak from the side of a distant building, knowing I’ll have to shift out of it soon. “You’re still going to check out that forest cabin aren’t you.”

“Of course,” she said simply. “Skull also said that he will be back soon with more information about the greenhouse situation.”

“He is or one of his hired goons?”

She shrugs, “Normally when he says he’ll do it, he does it personally.”

I’m guessing with my luck my ‘billion-year break without seeing that smug bastard’ ain’t gonna happen any time soon.

I hear Moon slightly laugh, “The look on your face...” she starts but ends in a cough. She quickly tries to clear her throat explaining that she choked on spit but goes back to laughing at me anyway.