Dear Uncle George,

I want to thank you for stepping up and helping Jenny and me through the loss and burial of our parents. Your support meant the world to me, and without you, I don’t know how Jenny or I would have made it through. It’s what makes what I have to tell you next that much more difficult.

I’m leaving Ruby Creek.

I’m sorry for springing it upon you without so much as a face-to-face, but it’s something I need to do and didn’t want to be talked out of. Losing my parents has left this empty void in my life that right now, I can’t fathom how to fill. All I know is I have to find a way if I’ve any hope of enduring this miserable reality.

It feels like I’m drowning. Like I’m struggling against the tide, desperately trying to reach a surface that no longer exists. Everything in me wants to give up and give in to the darkness, especially if it’s the gateway to rejoining my parents. I sound suicidal, I know, but I promise that’s why I’m leaving. To save myself from giving up. To force myself to find an alternative path that would not only make my parents proud but would honor their memory and sacrifice.

 Living for me is no longer enough. Living for them, that’s how I hope to find redemption for the damage I’ve done to Jenny’s life. To theirs. To my own.

 Plus, I heard what the social worker said to you and Aunt Muriel when we got back from the funeral. You’re sick. 

Why didn’t you tell me? 

Why didn’t you tell us that staying with you and Aunt Muriel for the foreseeable future wasn’t a sure thing?

 I wish you had told me. Not that it would have changed anything, but at least it would have preserved the trust that existed between us. Now I’m not sure I can trust things will work themselves out. It’s yet another reason I have to leave. By taking myself out of the equation I hope to guarantee that Jenny won’t have to endure a single day away from the town and people she loves. 

All I ask is that you please tell Jenny that I’m sorry and that I love her. Tell her she’s the best little sister a guy like me could ever ask for, and that I want her to go on and live her life. To be happy and make new and better memories with those who care about her. Please tell her I’ll be okay, that I have a plan, and that someday when I’m free of the grief and the guilt, I will come back for her.

 For Embree. Please tell her I meant every word I said to her the last time we were together. Tell her I’m sorry I was too much of a coward to say goodbye and that I hope she goes on to build a happy, healthy life.

 Please ask Jenny and Embree to take care of each other, especially if what the social worker said about your prognosis is true. Having first-hand knowledge of what it’s like to lose a parent, the two of them will for sure need each other.

 As for Aunt Muriel, I know it’s a lot to ask, but I’m asking.

 Aunt Muriel, please proceed with what you talked about and take custody of Jenny. After everything she’s lost, she deserves to stay with your family, in the only town she’s ever known. It’s what my parents would have wanted, so I ask that you please take your friendship with Mom and her wishes into account as you consider my request.

 Thank you both for what you’ve done and what you’re going to do. I ask that you please not look for me. Given the circumstances, your time is better spent focusing on your family and Jenny, as I’m sure the next several months will be quite difficult for all of you.

 I promise I’ll be okay. I have a plan, so please don’t worry about me. Again, thanks for all your support.

 Sincerely,

Lucas James Holt

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AUTHOR’S NOTE

“Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes.

Because for those who love with their heart and soul, 

there is no such thing as separation.”

- Rumi

A lesson that Lucas will soon learn.

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