Waking again, I shiver as I open my eyes cautiously. I am still lying curled up facing away from the chair that Bugsy was in. Straining to listen, I think I can still hear his loud sleep breathing. I turn my head slowly to look over my shoulder at him. He is still sitting slumped with his head in his hand, seemingly dead asleep. Gently, I turn my whole body to face him. His head is down turned, and his hair shields his face. The room seems to be in perpetual darkness so I can’t make out any details of his face. But, knowing he is asleep, I feel comfortable enough to let myself stare at him. His breathing a low and deep. His hair looks course and is peppered with grey. When he’s sleeping like this, I don’t feel scared of him. He looks peaceful and warm. Not like someone who would hurt me. Plus, he untied me. He’s trying to be considerate of me.
I catch myself. Stop it, I can’t let myself trust this stranger. There is no where safe anymore unless I am alone. Or dead.
As his head is slumped in his right hand, the other drapes over the left arm of the chair. Without thinking, I reach out my hand towards his hand that hangs so close to the side of the bed. Draped in a way that almost looks as if it could be reaching out to me. It’s been so long since I have had contact with anyone. I bet he is warm with those two coats on. For a second, I felt desperate to touch him. To feel connected and safe in the presence of another person. I brush my fingers against his hand so briefly that I only slightly felt the warmth of his skin compared to my cold hands. I pulled my hand back quickly as the contact made him stir. His breathing changes and he shifts his posture. I shut my eyes and held still.
“Are you awake?” Bugsy asks in a whisper. A couple minutes of silence pass. “Do you want to take a shower to clean off a bit?” A warm shower sounds amazing right now.
“Yes.” I whisper.
“Alright. I know this seems dumb of me to say but you can trust me, okay?”
“Ok.” I say flatly, but in my head, it’s phrased as more of a question.
“And… I- I am going to need to know that I can trust you.”
Trust me?
“To take a shower we’ll have to leave this room and go down the hall a little way. We will pass the stairs that lead out of this basement. I don’t want you to try and run upstairs and escape, can you promise me you won’t run?”
Promise you I won’t run? Why is he telling me this? Why would I promise something like that?
My confusion was probably visible on my face.
“L-look, if you get upstairs, there are others up there. There’s no way you’d get out without one of them knowing. They would catch you and they will not hesitate to… to hurt you. I know it’s probably useless to ask you to believe and trust me, but I won’t hurt you and they will.” I can see him lean forward through slits of my eyelids and his voice is pleading with me. I’ve never met anyone who seems this genuine. My suspicions rise with my longing to believe him.
“Ok.”
“Can you promise me?”
What good are promises these days?
“I promise.”
Bugsy breaths out and stands.
“If you’re more comfortable keeping your eyes shut then I think it will be easier for me to carry you, okay?”
Not wanting to have to keep talking, I did not protest and simply nodded my head. Bugsy walks over to the door, and I hear him preemptively unlock the door and crack it open. He walks back to the edge of the bed quickly.
“Ok. You ready for me to pick you up now?” I nod again and slowly sit up to the edge of the bed to make it easier.
Bugsy takes another deep breath and I feel his hands as they lift me from the bed almost effortlessly.
It’s strange. Just moments ago, I was desperate to just touch his hand. Now, I feel my whole body pressing into his arms. Feeling awkward with my head upright so close to his face, I gently lean onto his shoulder. Being so close to him I feel his warmth. His smell engulfs me, and I start to feel tears well up in my eyes. Then I start to feel very self-conscious. I must not smell too good.
He walks out of the room. The hallway is just as dark. It must be nighttime. Letting my eyes open to just slits it takes not even a minute to get down the hall. But in that time, we pass the stairs and briefly, the idea crosses my mind. I would catch him off guard if I jumped out of his hands. I’m quick, I could get up those stairs easily. I let the thought pass though. Too risky. He warned me himself and I…believe him? Bugsy looks straight ahead the entire time. He doesn’t look up the staircase as we pass, and his eyes never wander down to look at me either.
He pushes open the bathroom door with his shoulder as we enter the bathroom.
“I’m gonna sit you down on the toilet, okay?” He lowers me down and I keep my head bent, letting my hair fall over my face. I’m thankful he doesn’t turn the light on.“I will bring you a change of clothes, so you don’t have to put those back on. We don’t have much, but there’s some soap in there you can use.” A couple seconds pass as he reaches for the door. “Erm…take your time, okay? No rush. The light switch is by the door if you want it. Just… just knock on the door when you’re done.”
I nod my head. I can tell he feels uncomfortable. He opens the door, steps out, and shuts it. I take a deep breath and lift my head. Its pitch black without the lights on. I get up and feel my way over to the door. This bathroom isn’t too big so its not too hard to locate the light switch on the wall. I flick the switch and cringe as the bright light overwhelms me. I’ve been lying in darkness for how many days now?
Slowly, my eyes adjust, and I look over at the mirror over the sink. Gosh I’m a mess. There are smudges of dirt all over me and there are small twigs and pieces of leaves in my hair. What’d they do? Drag me across the ground for miles? I stretch my neck out, everything feels stiff. I look to my left and see the shower. The shower curtain is open revealing an old tub, and I see a small bottle of obscure soap.
Hot water sounds really nice right now.
Stepping out of my clothes, I put my ring onto my finger. This’ll be the safest place for it right now. I turn the shower on and let the water heat up. Going back to inspect myself in the mirror, my long and knotted hair reaches down to my waist. I’ve always liked it long. My knees are bruised, and I have some scratches on my arms. After testing the water, I step in and pull the curtain closed. I stand face first in the stream of water and let it rain down on me. I soak my hair and look down at my hands. The beauty of my engagement ring contrasts starkly with the grime under my fingernails, and I begin to pick the dirt away. I use a good amount of soap scrubbing all over me. I am starting to feel a lot better as I lather up my hair and begin to comb through it with my fingers, when I hear the latch on the door.
Absolute dread passes through me. Is he coming in here? What if it’s someone else? My body freezes as I look around. There’s no way I’d win this fight. I’m soaking wet and naked and there’s nothing I can use to defend myself with. Panic floods me and I crouch down and hug my knees, bracing myself for… something. With my ears straining to hear anything over the sounds of the running water, I hear the door latch shut again. I don’t dare move. I don’t hear anything. But it’s not hard to be quiet when there’s a loud shower running.
After a couple minutes, I stood up. Slowly I peak around the shower curtain to find no one. My body relaxes. I look over and folded on top of the toilet is a towel and a change of clothes. A strange laugh of relief leaves my lips as my body shakes.
Stupid. Don’t scare me like that.
I crouch down again, hugging my knees to my chest as I feel the water rinse the soap away. The hot water feels amazing on my stiff muscles. I wish I could just stay here.
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