"If you're not up for having a bit of fun, that makes you one of them. Frankly, I’m disappointed" Kel said while looking down her nose at me. I thought back to all the shit they had pulled in my presence, feeling a stab of guilt in my chest I had not allowed myself to feel in months. 

Fuck. Months upon months of getting progressively more numb, until hearing cries of pain in the school gymnasium became a new normal to me. 

Normal? Is that what I really think this is? Am I any better than her at this point?

I can point fingers all I want and say I'm not an active participant, but it doesn't change the fact that I have been plastering a fake smile on my face every day, pretending like all of this is fine. As if I'm okay with it.

I had allowed myself to grow callous towards my teammates with the excuse that they are no better than Kel, so why was I letting myself off the hook?

I felt my throat tighten and my heart starting to race as all of the emotions I had held back started to try and pry their way out. The anger, pain, anguish, guilt. I need to get out of here. Now.

"You know what. I don't want to ruin your fun, I’m out. Don’t expect to see me in rehearsals from now on"

I was trying my best to stay calm and hide how my brain was going on overload. 

I still don't know why I even said anything. It's not like she would've suddenly changed into a different person and to a good one at that. Her eyes followed me in disbelief as I got up from the floor. Looking back, I’m also surprised I ended up leaving in such an anti-climatic fashion after all that.

The numbness in my legs from being sat on for too long made me pay extra attention to make sure I wouldn’t topple over when making my exit.

Despite her gaze burning a hole into the back of my head and months of suppressed feelings trying to crawl out of the pretty little box I’d shoved them into, I felt strangely light as the gymnasium's door got closer and closer.

-End of Chapter 1-