"If you're not up for having a bit of fun, that makes you one of them. Frankly, I’m disappointed." Kel said while looking down her nose at me. I thought back to all the shit they had pulled in my presence, feeling a stab of guilt in my chest I had not allowed myself to feel in months. 

Fuck. Months upon months of getting progressively more numb, until hearing cries of pain in the school gymnasium became a new normal to me. 

Normal? Is that what I really think this is? Am I any better than her at this point?

Truth is, I could point fingers all I wanted and claim I wasn't an active participant but it wouldn't change the fact I'd been plastering on a fake smile every day for months, not doing anything to protest what I was witness to. I had allowed myself to grow callous towards my teammates with the excuse that they are no better than Kel, so why was I letting myself off the hook?

I felt my throat tighten and my heart starting to race as all of the emotions I had held back started to try and pry their way out. The anger, pain, anguish, guilt.

I need to get out of here. Now.

"You know what? I don't want to ruin your fun. I’m out. Don’t expect to see me in rehearsals from now on"

I was trying my best to stay calm and hide how my brain was going on overload. 

I still don't know why I even said anything. It's not like Kel would've suddenly changed into a different person and to a good one at that.

Her eyes followed me in disbelief as I got up from the floor. Looking back, I’m also surprised I ended up leaving in such an anti-climatic fashion after everything that happened in just a short few months.

The numbness in my legs from being sat on for too long made me pay extra attention to make sure I wouldn’t topple over when making my exit.

Despite Kel's gaze burning a hole into the back of my head, and months of suppressed feelings trying to crawl out of the pretty little box I’d shoved them into, I felt strangely light as the distance to the gymnasium's door grew steadily shorter.

-End of Chapter 1-