At some point, the man went back into his home, and eventually, the Filen Containment Squad arrived. He was in a daze as he quickly explained where the contamination was. They gave him strange looks and stayed as far from him as possible, but they at least didn’t say anything about the condition he was in. He got in their hover car and directed them toward the sapling. Once they arrived, they set up lights, and after Ouzin dropped his shield, began working on the tree. Ouzin sat on the floor and just stared at the ground. He didn’t come out of his daze until two white, gold-tipped boots landed in his view. He raised his head and met equally golden eyes.

Ouzin stood up, but couldn’t bear to face her, so he stared at the ground. “Hello, mother.”

“You dropped this,” she said and held out her palm. In it was his auto-comm.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered as he took the comm.

“We will talk on the way home,” she said, then stood in front of him as the squad leader came to meet her.

“Vala Arigatan Laboneir, it is an honor to see you in person.”

“Thank you, Sof. Rigan. Tell me about the situation.”

“Well, it’s fortunate that this was discovered so soon. I know I don’t need to tell you, but with a sapling like this, a filen contamination would kill it in a couple years. It’s truly a miracle that….” Rigan tried to peek around Ouzin’s mother to look at him. “This… er.. young man found it. Not many people wonder in the undergrowth.”

Ouzin felt like burying himself in a hole. He could already imagine what the news outlets would say if they found out he was the son of Arigatan Laboneir, the head of the Forestry Division herself. A dirty, smelly boy wandering around in the undergrowth. It was no wonder his mother was doing everything to cover him up. With his fur being so dirty, unless they really looked at his face and eyes, it would be hard to tell they were related. Ouzin tucked his face further down.

“Yes, it’s definitely fortunate my son happened to come across it.” Ouzin’s head jerked up, and he stared at his mother’s back in shock. She continued speaking, unaware of his emotions. “I will make it a point to have regular root inspections. I think we have been too lax in that area. Imagine what would happen if a filen contamination went unchecked within the roots.” 

“Right… Right… Umm.. that’s your…?”

“Yes?”

“Never mind, Vala. I agree, we’ve relied on the crimen moss in the underbelly to ward off the filen, but seeing this, I think extra precautions will be necessary.”

“Good, I’m glad we are in agreement. I trust you can handle the rest?”

“Of course!”

“Great, then we will be taking our leave. Good work, Sof. Rigan.” There was a pause, and she turned to face Ouzin. He saw her left brow twitch and remembered his manners.

“Thank you for your quick response Sof. Rigan.” He added.

“Of course, thank you… Vala.” Rigan said. The tile came as an afterthought, but Ouzon ignored it. Given how he looked and apparently smelled, he was fortunate that they were even standing next to him.

His mother said some final goodbyes to the team, then they boarded her shuttle. The silence was almost physically painful. The shuttle was designed with one main lounge room beside the driver’s cabin. They sat on the deep blue chairs curved around the central holo-tube. Large windows wrapped the hull, and Ouzin stared out as the shuttle began to speed up.

His mother opened the small fridge built into the bottom of the holo-tube and pulled out a bottle of krask. It was a bright green fruit juice, one of Ouzin’s favorite beverages. She filled two cups and slid one across to him. He picked it up and took a big gulp. After the things he’d been eating and drinking these last few days, this was like a shock to his system. The slight prickliness, followed by a subtle sweetness, almost brought him to tears. He drank the whole cup, and his mother refilled it as soon as he set it down.

“I’ve had that in here since your birthday. I thought you’d like it after the harsh Kroshta storms.”

Ouzin choked on the sip he was taking. He coughed a few times, then set the cup on the table. “I’m sorry,” he said.

His mother sighed and leaned into the chair, almost in a slump. “Ouzin, I’m not interested in apologies. I want to know what possessed you to do something like this. You can’t imagine how…” she took a breath. “When I saw your things laid out on the floor, folded up and obviously deliberately abandoned, I didn’t even know what to think. We waited a couple days thinking someone would send a ransom note or something, and when that didn’t happen, I had to consider that you had left of your own violation.” Ouzin had never heard his mother’s voice tremble so much. Her face still seemed as stoic as ever, but he could see tears welling up in her eyes. 

She placed the cup on the table and leaned forward so she was looking right into his eyes. “We contacted all your friends and sent search parties through the Kroshta and the forest. I wandered through that desert looking for any hint of you, and finally, when you do contact us, it’s because of a damn filen contamination? Filen?” She rolled her eyes. “I never knew I’d be so thankful for filen because otherwise, I may never have seen my son again.” 

Her voice barely rose, but it was as close to yelling as Ouzin had ever seen her, She closed her eyes, and it was clear that she was trying to calm herself down. “But in the end, all that doesn’t matter. Apologies don’t matter. I want to know what you’ve been doing and why?”

Ouzin was silent for a moment. He knew that he had to explain, as clearly as possible, the feelings he’d been having and the pressure he’d felt at home, but as he began to speak, tears slowly dripped down his face. 

“I’m sorry…” he said in a soft trembling voice. “Even now, I don’t know why… I was scared. This was my last chance to prove myself. I’ve tried everything, and still can’t find anything I’m good at or anything to apply myself to. With how well Rilios, Mindal, and Tilmaron are doing, it’s obvious that you would see me as a disappointment.” Ouzin took the tissues she held out to him and wiped his eyes. He exhaled a shaky breath, then continued. 

“I wanted to push off my Trigalan because it felt like a last chance. If I failed in this as well, then you guys would have no hope left for me… I’m really happy with my pact, but at the thought that it wouldn’t measure up… I don’t know. I just wanted to run away from it all… I don’t know.” He mumbled. “I don’t want to be a disappointment.”

“Ouzin.” His mother sighed. It was difficult for her to refute the things he’d said. She knew the pressure all her children were under due to the prestige of their family name. It was something she, too, had experienced at their age. As a mother, she’d attempted to reduce the burden her children felt while still maintaining some expectation for achievement or, at the very least, effort. Clearly, she had not been successful.

 She picked her words carefully. “I… I won’t pretend that I haven’t noticed some of your feelings, and I should probably have made time to address them with you. That said, I don’t recall ever expressing any disappointment in you. Yes, to be frank, you haven’t attained the same level of… achievement that your siblings have, but it’s not a competition. I know you’ve been making an effort….”

“It feels like a competition.”

“I won’t disregard your feelings, but I have never viewed any of you as being in competition with each other, and neither has your father. If we’ve ever come across that way, then I’m truly sorry.” She rubbed her temples and sighed. “Yes, I want you all to be successful, but what that means will be different for each of you. But while I would like to prioritize your happiness above anything else, there still has to be some responsibility. If pushing you, this one time, to go on your Trigalan was the driving factor in you running away from home, then I’m not sure what to say to you.”

Ouzin had nothing to say, so he stayed quiet and looked out the window. The hover car wove through the tree branches and leaves, and Ouzin felt suffocated by the openness of it all. He felt exposed and wished he was back in the darkness of the forest floor. He thought of the sapling world-tree and remembered how it felt to wrap his hands around it. He remembered how it felt when he’d heard Umil’owan’s voice and when he’d seen the darkness light up with the glow of millions of tiny lives. He even remembered the encounter with the gugalan with some fondness. As he watched the city pass by through the window, he realized what was at the heart of everything.

“I wanted to find a purpose so badly.” He whispered. “I wanted something like Rilios’s passion for healing hiraks or Mindal’s architecture…anything really. And I also wanted freedom… not from you guys, but from the expectations of just being born as a Vala and a Labonier. There is so much pressure and so much to live up to. When I’m the only one struggling to cope with all that, it just makes me feel like a failure. Also, at the end of the day, I don’t think anything I do will matter in the long run. With or without me, our family’s dynasty will continue. While I was wandering around the forest floor, every decision and every new discovery felt significant.”

“So you want to go back?” She asked quietly. Their eyes met, and he could feel just how much she cared about him through her gaze alone. He’d never once doubted that his family loved him, but they were all so stoic and focused on their goals that it was easy to forget. Right now, his mother allowed that mask to fall for a bit.

“Maybe.”

His mother contemplated something for a while. This was how she was. Solutions over emotions. Rather than just listening and sympathizing, she tried to solve people as if they were math problems. Ouzin waited for her to finish thinking. Finally, she spoke.

“You heard what I discussed with Sof. Ragan.”

“Uh… You mean about the filen and the base of the world-trees?” Ouzin said and sat up straighter, wondering where she was going with this.

“Yes. We haven’t had steady patrols on the ground for some time now, as filen cases down there are so rare. The crimen moss usually eats it up, but if that isn’t happening, we need to know. What you discovered was more vital than you might think.”

“Thank you,” Ouzin said quietly, almost overwhelmed by the pride that came from the small comment. 

“No, Thank you. Here’s my point. You will need some years of training, 

but if you are willing, I’ll support you in joining the team. You don’t have to feel any pressure, but if you’ll be going down to the forest floor, I’d rather you were trained in how to use your powers and learned some skills relevant to basic survival. It would also be great if you had some equipment as well, perhaps a portable sani-station to keep you smelling fresh.” She laughed, then in a more serious tone, she asked. “What do you think?”

It didn’t take Ouzin long to consider the offer. It felt like a line extended into the mire of doubt and confusion he’d been drowning in. 

He nodded. “Yes, I’d like to do that,” he said and closed his eyes as he felt that ever-present restlessness in him die down. He exhaled slowly. “..and I’m sorry for worrying you all.”

His mother sighed and fell into the chair, running her hand roughly through her short hair. “Good. That’s good. I’d like to say what you did doesn’t matter anymore, but…” she smirked, and Ouzin was continually shocked by how expressive she was being. “You ruined your father’s celebration for your Trigalan, so you can expect to get a good amount of scolding when we get back. You know how it is once he starts.”

Ouzin tried to laugh, but humor couldn’t cover up the guilt. “I’ll take everything he has to say.” He said and looked down. He felt his mother stroke his back. 

“It’ll be ok. He’ll be happy to plan another party celebrating your return.”

Ouzin nodded but said nothing and just immersed himself in the feeling of her hand on his back. It had been a while since he’d felt such an affectionate touch from her. The tone of her voice reminded him of the nights when he was younger, and she would read to him while holding his hand, telling him tales of the great dreakarian king Marviel, or just read from the finance section of the news to him. All her awkward forms of affection, from subtle nods to remembering his favorite drinks and foods. He thought about how his family would gather at his impromptu art shows and concerts. Despite their complaining, they still always showed up for him.

“I’m so sorry,” Ouzin whispered.

“It’s ok,” she replied and just kept stroking his back, and Ouzin believed it would all be okay.