8 years later
I stood up, stretched, and glanced out the window. Dark already? Time had passed a lot quicker than I’d realized.
I sighed a little to myself and got up, shelving the books next to my desk and then exiting the research hall. I was currently working as a researcher for the library, trying to contribute to the community where I now lived, but it wasn’t something I really loved to do. To be honest, I didn’t know what I wanted to do, though, and at least researching helped me expand my knowledge base, but…it frustrated me sometimes, that I couldn’t find an interest I loved.
Diana noticed my expression almost the moment I walked into our living quarters. “Difficult day in research?”
I sighed a little as I sat down at the table. Diana’s place was one of the few that had a kitchen of its own, mostly because she’d been here since the founding of the place, but it was still small and we took turns preparing food since there just wasn’t enough room for two people at once.
“I’m just frustrated that I can’t seem to find something that I really want to do. Mark had figured it out by the time he was 16, and here I am, 26, and I still can’t find anything.” I rested my elbows against the table and my chin in my hands. “Is something wrong with me?” I asked abruptly. “Why is it that children can even find what they love to do but I can’t? I haven’t found anything that truly interests me. At first you said it might just be because I’d never had the chance to really explore that, with the war and all, but that’s not the case now, so…why?”
Diana kept glancing over at me as she stirred the contents of the frying pan, listening as I talked. “I don’t think anything’s wrong with you,” she said once she was sure I was finished with my rant. “For some people, it just takes longer to find what you want to do with your life.”
“But they usually still have hobbies and interests,” I mumbled. “And I just don’t. Nothing is that appealing to me.”
She looked thoughtful and took her time responding. “The only thing you’ve felt deeply about is people. Mark and Daphne. It is clear from talking with you that you would have done anything for them, within your power. You’re not attached to most people, but it seems to me that once you do become attached, you would move mountains for them if you could. That in itself tells me there is nothing wrong with you – you are capable of very deep love for people. The fact that you haven’t found a hobby or career that’s a good fit for you yet, well,” she shrugged slightly, “you’re thinking too short-term, Winter. That is one of the faults I have with where you grew up, and I wish Daphne had helped you more to understand what it truly means to be a dragon. You told me your friend was worried he could never be an astronaut because of where he graduated and where he could get into college as a result, yet both of you forgot that you live long enough that he could have found a way to go to a better school in maybe a couple of decades or something.”
“People in Terium don’t have as long lifespans as most of their counterparts,” I responded automatically. “I’m guessing because of the stress, if they don’t die in the war itself. The lifespan for both was probably more like 125-150 years, which is still longer than a human but not as long as most of us could live elsewhere.”
“Even so, you,” Diana pointed out gently, “are a dragon. You will most likely live several thousand years. And you are still thinking small. So what if you haven’t found something in 26 years? You have decades, centuries before you to try out new things, discover new things, even. Look at all the changes that happened in my lifetime. I saw empires rise and fall, the invention of cars and electricity and telephones and computers. The world has changed vastly within my lifetime. Maybe what you truly love simply hasn’t been invented yet. Maybe it will be later.”
She flipped off the stove and divvied up the stir-fry onto two plates, which she brought over to the table. “I wasn’t that different from you, to be honest. For the first few hundred years of my life, I focused on learning, on absorbing as much knowledge as I could – even disguising myself as a man on a few occasions to be able to attend a university. It was a different time,” she explained briefly when noticing my expression. “The point was, I knew I loved learning, but what to do with it puzzled me. Teach? Become a historian? I had no particular desire to do either of those. I simply loved to learn, but it seemed impractical to spend my life learning without doing something with it. But then I ended up in the right place at the right time to have the idea of a supernatural library form in my head, and you know what became of that.” She glanced towards the window, where the expansive grounds of Rosen Library were partially visible. “That became my passion. But it took the right moment in time for the idea to come to me, and without that, I can’t say for sure how long I could have floundered along, wondering what to do with myself.”
At least she’d known she loved learning, though. I didn’t even have that. “But you had the blessing of Fate to help with that,” I pointed out half-heartedly. “Right place, right time sort of thing. I don’t have that.”
“True,” she allowed, “but deciding what you want to do with your life is a struggle every person goes through. It’s easier for some than for others, and for supernaturals – especially for the long-lived ones such as dragons – it can be even harder, because we may end up having many careers within one lifetime. But, if you’re looking for something to do for now,” she gave me a pointed look, “don’t forget that at some point, you need to go back to Terium and see if they’ve made any improvement in ending the feud. You keep putting it off, but you do need to go back at least once – possibly more, if they haven’t improved enough.”
“That’s not going to help me figure out what to do with my life,” I grumbled, not exactly thrilled about the idea, though I knew she was right. I needed to go back and check on how things were going.
“Probably not, but it’s possible,” Diana countered. “I found my calling when I visited a friend to help her with what she’d inherited after her father died – not exactly something I would have expected to result in a life’s calling. You never know where inspiration might strike, and regardless, it is something you need to do.”
I sighed. I hated the idea of going back to that oppressive town and seeing the people I’d grown up with. I could almost feel the darkness pressing in on me at the thought.
“You could visit your family again,” she pointed out, as if knowing what I was feeling – or perhaps it was obvious based on my expression. “You may not have been close to them, but you did care.”
“To a point.” Despite what Diana said, I thought something was wrong with me. Why didn’t I care about people more? People in general, and even my family? Yes, they hadn’t been the most welcoming, but shouldn’t I still care about them more? Shouldn’t I want to see them after all these years?
“It doesn’t have to be now, but you do have to go back soon,” Diana stated firmly. “You don’t have to stay long, but you’re overdue for a visit.”
She was right. I was. And I hated the idea of going back to Terium, but I had promised, and it was part of the process of being involved in this curse Mother had placed.
As if the thought crossed her mind, too, Diana continued in a softer tone. “Daphne might have wanted you to find forgiveness. Not simply for their sake, to lift the curse, but for you to let go of everything that happened.”
“Let go of it?” I felt a bit of ire strike me and almost glared at her. “They murdered my soulmate.”
“Which is no small crime, I’m not debating that,” she responded gently. “But to hold onto your anger and resentment won’t help you. You can still grieve the loss of your soulmate without holding onto bitterness. Maybe you need to find forgiveness in order to move past your early life.”
I knew what she meant, but I still felt so angry when I thought about the idea of forgiving them for his death. Forgiving the entire town for just letting the feud go on for years, pointlessly, until Mark and others died for no good reason.
I groaned a little and sat back in my chair. “I’ll think about it,” I decided grudgingly. “I’ll think about going back. But just for as short as possible. I don’t want to deal with them any longer than necessary.”
“That’s fair,” Diana nodded once. “Would it help if I came with you?”
I was genuinely surprised by that suggestion. As far as I knew, Diana had rarely left the library since founding it around 2,500 years ago. “You…would do that for me?”
“I don’t think you need to go alone,” she mused. “Though maybe I’m not the best option to go with you, come to think of it. What if I sent you to meet up with my son – your cousin?”
My brows furrowed. I hadn’t met any of her children since I’d moved in with her, apparently because of the whole long-lived thing – they didn’t necessarily stop by regularly. “The dragon one or the other one?”
“The sphinx,” she confirmed. “Kristopher. He goes by Toph. He’s gone by Kris in the past, but currently is trying out Toph. But the point is, he works as a hostage negotiator, so if things are still tense in Terium, then his skills might be helpful. I can call him and tell him to expect you.”
I was mildly surprised that she fully expected him to put his life on hold just to help out his cousin whom he’d never met – possibly never even heard of – but on the other hand, this was Diana. I kind of doubted any of her kids wouldn’t jump to obey her when she asked them to do something.
“That might be helpful,” I admitted hesitantly. Honestly, I was mostly just interested in not dealing with this alone. I wasn’t sure about trying to explain the entire situation to someone who was a virtual stranger, but if he was Diana’s son, he couldn’t be too bad, right? And hopefully he’d help me just have someone on my side, so to speak, while I had to deal with this stupid town again?
“Good, then I’ll give him a call,” she decided briskly. “I’ll explain the situation, too, so he’ll be up to speed as much as possible.”
“That – thanks.” I really appreciated that. The whole thing was such a mess and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to be neutral about it in explaining it to him, so it was probably best to have her explain instead.
I just hoped my cousin and I would be able to get along and that he’d help me through this. I really hoped that meeting him and bringing him along wouldn’t end up making the whole situation worse.
Comments (11)
See all