Ugh this is worse than I thought it was going to be. The music is too loud, Lez and Saw are already tipsy and i'm here waiting for someone that may or may not secretly resent me for ruining his life. Anyway the freshmen are stuck in traffic so it's just us right now and boy do I wish I was home. The juniors should be here any minute but jeez it feels like I've been here for days. 

*Lez and Saw singing terribly*

I can't do this anymore if I stay here for any longer I'ma perish

A- "I'ma go out for some fresh air" 

Lez- "Mann you didn't even take a sip of anything yet at least take something before stepping out."

Saw- "Yeah dude the whole point is to have fun and let loose. You been stiff the whole night."

A- "and I will when I come back. byeeeee"

I just need to clear my head, I still need to figure out how I'ma start this conversation with him. I just don't know exactly wh- 

"Alex?"

That voice. Like a knife to the heart I didn't even have to look up to realize who said my name.

"Alex? Are you okay?" 

I have to look up. I have to say something. I'm frozen again but I have to look up. 

*Alex looks up*

His face was like a memory. A place I have yet to visit and yet I already knew where it was. His eyes like a longing. Longing for something that's right in front of you yet so far out of reach. He wasn't happy at all. This face is a facade and I can see right through it. But if this isn't the real you. Who are you? Who is Kevin Mahina? 

A- "Hey Kevin. Y-Yeah I'm fine, I just need some fresh air is all." 

K- "Oh really? Then let me join you!"

A- "uh you don't have-"

K- "Hey guys we'll catch up with you in a bit!! 

let's go."

I followed instantly behind him, it wasn't long before the cool breeze hit my face. I just love that breeze 

K- "ugh I just love that breeze. so serene. don't you think?"

A- "yeah. I think."

Is it now? Is this the moment? Is this where I apologize? no. I don't think so. however this moment is soothing, I want to take every second in. I rarely have these moments anymore. 

A- "so has your transition been easy? I know moving mid-year must not be easy. can't say I understand completely but I'm sure there has to be some adjustments done? can't be easy. " 

K- "heh. yeah it's not the easiest, but ever since my mom's condition worsened I felt the need to be closer to her. that way I can be closer to her and spend every moment with her… before- before she…"

His voice was shaking, I knew he was trying to appear to be jaded about this whole thing but jeez. That's a whole planet of baggage on this kid's shoulders. 

A- "chin up. Everybody loves a happy face."

K- *chuckles* 

A- we should go inside before they take the party out here. 

He just nodded. 

****************************

As we went inside we heard loud horrid singing and I knew it was one of the knuckleheads. I turned to Kevin. He was smiling now, like he just pasted this one on.

A- "you ready?"

He just nodded.

As I slide open the door, as expected it was Lez on mic. 

Lez- sTaR sHiPs wErE mEaNt tO flYyYYyy…

By Jesus please let it stop. Meanwhile Kevin is already chatting with some juniors, smiling like he always does, and by the look of it the freshmen got here not too long ago. 

Saw- "Give it up forrrr my bestie everyone, Now Alex you haven't w- "

A- " DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. "  

Everyone in unison - 

"COME ONNN ALEX"

A- "nope sorry everyone I don't give in to peer pressure that easy."

That was a lie. But they don't know that. At least not all of them…

Saw- "you're no fun. Fine mmmm Kevin? how about you?" 

My eyes shot in his direction. Would he?

k- "mm I don't know…"

Lez- "COME onNN EVAnnNNN DO *hics* ItTTt"

K- "um it's Kevin Lez and are you okay?"

Lez- "nEvEr bEEN Beeterrrr , nOw sIngG"

K- "I don't even have a song.." 

A- "You could sing something from the Charlotte's Web Movie"

*Everyone looks at Alex*

Why the hell did I say that? It just came out. I just need to stay shut.

K- "That's a great idea Al."

huh? Is he really…

Saw- "Now introducing Kevin from junior year" 

*Kevin sings Mother Earth and Father Time* 

Well.. it won't win American idol but his voice… took me by surprise. As he sat down, I noticed his ears were bright red. Did I put him on the spot? Was he embarrassed? I find it… cute? What… No you know I just need to drink this off.

*As time goes on everyone's a little tipsy/drunk*

One by one everyone left, I don't know why I let them convince me to drink at all. Saw agreed to take Lez home. Those two… seem to be a little close. mm not my business so whatever. 

K- groans 

Oh I didn't even notice him there, is now the time to apologize? I mean I won't have the nerve later. So now. Now's as good as any other day..F*ck it. 

A- "Hey Kevin.." 

K- "mmm?"

A- "There's something I wanted to… Well there's something I wanted to say. & I just want you to hear me out before responding."

K- "okay?"

A- "Well… I know you said you forgive me… but i never truly… apologized…. to you about what I did to you back then. I was an immature kid who gave into peer pressure and left you to suffer when you needed someone the most… and for that… for everything…" 

I have to look at him. 

A- "...For everything…. Kevin…. I'm…. I'm truly and utterly sorry. I hope you can forgive me." 

He's…. he's crying? 

K- "can… can I sit next to you…. "

A- "… yeah of course…"

As he sits right next to me I feel the sadness radiating from his body.

K- "I..I said I forgive you … there was no need…."

A- "There was every need. You deserved that apology, and I wouldn't have felt good being your friend if I didn't. Even if you forgive me or not as long as I…"

K- "You know.. you talk too much.."

And just like that he's over me. With his mouth draining into mine. Tangled by the lips.. I have to stop this he's drunk… but… I Don't want to… stop? 

A- "Kevin you're… you're…"

K- "No I'm not.."

And once again our lips intertwined. Tangled at the mouth, and as he leans into me.. I found myself leaning into him. It was like a tug of war and he was winning. Every inch of me was aware of what's happening. Who is this? This isn't the Kevin I know. Was it the alcohol? Or longing? Who are you Kevin Mahina?

And in the end..i don't know how we ended up at my dorm … but we did.

                And so the night came and went.