‘I… I never meet with them alone… women, I mean. I’m too afraid of what might happen.’

‘What do you think will happen, Simon?’

‘I don’t know.’ Again the silence that he was expected to fill and this time Dr Nobel looked like she was going to wait. ‘I’m afraid of what might happen if I go off with somebody and then they disappear.’

‘Why would they disappear?’

‘Women disappear all the time. Liz disappeared. All those women Gregory Black went off with disappeared. I know it sounds stupid now that I say it out loud, but it terrifies me,’ Simon said, his voice growing tight and his hands beginning to shake.

‘Do you fear what you might do if you were alone with them?’

Simon looked up, surprised that Dr Nobel had misunderstood.

‘I won’t hurt them. I’m just too scared to touch them. And the sounds… when I hear people kissing on the tube, or just… it’s the same as when my father… when he was strangling them. Those little gasps and squeaks…’

‘I understand,’ Dr Nobel said, unexpectedly stepping in. ‘This is reaching deep into your trauma and there is no need to go somewhere so painful today.’

Simon sighed with relief and rubbed his hands over his eyes, working on regaining his composure.

‘Instead of going over the past. Why don’t you tell me what has happened for you to ask your question. Would you like to have a better relationship with women in general, or perhaps there is one woman in particular?’

Of course Dr Nobel would figure it out, Simon thought. Then again, this was why he came to her, to discuss things he couldn’t talk to other people about.

‘There’s this woman… she keeps popping up in my life.’

‘I see.’

Damn Dr Nobel and her noncommittal responses.

‘I don’t think she likes me and I’m pretty sure I don’t like her, but I can’t stop thinking about her either.’

‘When you say, popping into your life, what do you mean?’

‘She’s one of the detectives who arrested me the other day. But I’d actually met her before at a work do, and after that she and her cop partner asked for my help with some delinquents. Then we fell out over that and she came to apologise, drunk, and landed up sleeping on my carpet. Then she came again to apologise, sober, and fell asleep again. She was still there in the morning, so I went to get groceries, but she was gone by the time I got back. I’d even bought extra food in case she wanted breakfast.’

‘And you think this woman dislikes you?’ Dr Nobel said and sounded less than her usual neutral self.

‘She’s a cop, and she knows all about my past, and she’s pushy and brusque.’

‘So what do you like about her?’

‘Like?’ Simon said, looking up in surprise. Dr Nobel raised an eyebrow and gave him a nod. But he really had to think about the answer. ‘She’s pretty, I suppose. Not drop dead gorgeous but… nice. And she’s very athletic. Her legs…’ Simon blushed. ‘She could knock me down without breaking a sweat. But I guess you could say that about most people. I’m a desk bound wimp.’

‘What else?’

‘She seems really professional and dedicated to her job. When I saw her at the police station, the second time around she was so focussed. No nonsense. I don’t know, she seemed really cool.’

‘And if you never see her again, what will happen?’

‘I guess… I’ll just carry on as I was before.’

‘And would you want to have a relationship with any other woman?’

Simon tilted his head to consider.

‘Sometimes I think so and sometimes a feel like I’m fine the way I am. But… maybe I should try to get over my hangups.’

‘You know how I work, Simon,’ Dr Noble said as she stepped out from behind her desk and sat down in the club chair next to him.

‘Yes, I know, the patient has to want to change, otherwise we can achieve nothing.’

‘Would you be okay with taking my hand?’ Dr Nobel asked, holding her left hand out, palm up.

‘Now?’ Simon said, as his stomach constricted with fright.

‘You’ve done Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in the past. You know how it can be helpful.’

‘I do,’ Simon said, but his hand still shook as he put it on top of Dr Nobel’s.

‘I just wanted to gauge what we need to do. I won’t go further than this today.’

‘I’m sorry. I feel like I’ve let you down,’ Simon said, trying not to squirm while holding the doctor’s hand.

‘No, why?’

‘I’m not as well adjusted as you thought.’

‘You’ve just taken a huge step and I’m actually prouder of you now than I’ve ever been.’

Simon trusted Helen Nobel and usually believed everything she said, but this was a strange reaction to him. He also couldn’t concentrate with her holding his hand. He cautiously pulled it away, watching the doctor. She made no comment and simply crossed her hands in her lap.

‘So what should I do now?’ Simon asked and immediately regretted it because he was supposed to find his own solutions. That was how Dr Nobel worked.

But to his surprise, she said, ‘If you are genuinely interested in this woman, then you should try reaching out to her.’

‘Really? Me?’

‘Dating, especially making that first connection, is difficult for everyone. That whole, do they like me or don’t they question is always uppermost in people’s minds. From what you’ve told me, this detective has always been the one to initiate contact. But if you never reciprocate, she’ll take that as you not being interested and she’ll move on.’

Simon nodded. It made sense. ‘But—’

‘I’ll leave the rest to you. Have a think, and make another appointment with my receptionist if and when you are ready to proceed with the CBT.’

***

‘Why are you looking so nervous?’ Sarah said as she and Simon stood in the gallery's foyer before the massive centrepiece of the company’s annual art show. It was an unusual bronze sculpture of a mass of be-suited people wrestling in a towering pile called Modern Babylon. ‘Still not convinced that this is the best piece for the entrance hall?’

Simon shrugged. The sculpture was the last thing on his mind.

‘It’s technically well made, and certainly eye-catching. It will work well in the lobby of some multinational corporation.’

‘It would be very ironic if any of them did that,’ Sarah said with a laugh. ‘The artist specifically states that it’s a commentary against mass consumerism and globalisation.’

‘Yeah, well, most of the CEOs of massive companies neither know nor care what art symbolises.’

‘Not an opinion to be voiced when we’ve invited as many of those CEOs as we can, along with the great and the good of society.’

‘Did you also invite Jaq?’

There was no point in dancing about the question. Sarah would have picked up on his intention even if he tried to be subtle.

‘Is that why you’ve dressed up so nicely?’

It was. Simon had taken special care and was wearing a dark pair of silvery grey trousers and a light grey long sleeved bamboo shirt with a subtle sheen.

‘Do you think she’ll notice?’

‘Jaq notices everything. It goes with the job.’

Simon nodded.

‘So you’ve started liking her, have you?’ Sarah said.

‘I don’t know yet,’ Simon said, but he’d never felt more nervous about seeing Jaq before, and that was saying something.

‘Boss, other boss, the caterers need you,’ Brian said, starting his message when he wasn’t quite halfway across the foyer, his voice booming through the space.

‘I’ll deal with the caterers,’ Sarah said. ‘I’ll leave you and Brian to check on the staff at reception.’

The wink Sarah gave Simon startled him until he realised it was conspiratorial. Was she sending him to reception so that he would be the first to see Jaq arrive?

‘No need for you to be at reception, boss,’ Brian said. ‘Aisha has that fully under control and she might be offended if you butt in.’

‘She’s quite assertive for an intern,’ Simon said as he watched Aisha and the team of company receptionists receiving the first of the guests and handing them their name tags and welcome packs.

‘Yeah,’ Brian said and started blushing as he added. ‘She told me to ask if you’d give us a guided tour of the works later on, you know, once the party is over.’

‘She told you to do that, did she?’ Simon said, and it actually elicited a smile, despite his nerves. ‘Why should I? All the works are described in the catalogue.’

Brian grew redder still as he said, ‘They’re really excellent descriptions from an artistic perspective. You’re good at explaining everything from a design perspective and how we can use artwork and the elements in art for marketing. Aisha says you should teach a course on that at our college.’

Simon laughed but was flattered.

‘Okay, come and see me later. Now I’d better mingle.’

Mingling wasn’t Simon’s favourite occupation. He usually found making small talk laborious, but at least here he had the art he could direct people’s attention too. It gave him a topic to work with.

Besides, after seven years with the company, Simon had grown accustomed to these big events. The purpose was to raise the company’s profile and drum up business. He’d also got to know many of the people attending as clients and usually started on groups where he knew at least one person before he tried to engage the others.

Simon did fine with the people who actually cared about art. He struggled with those who had merely turned up to see and be seen. He usually moved them along to Sarah and the people from the sales department.

This evening he was less interested in mingling and spent a lot more time scanning people’s faces looking for Jaq. Just thinking about approaching her made his hand shake. He see-sawed wildly between planning how he was going to do it and debating whether he should just stay away. Then he’d chide himself for chickening out and start planning all over again.

But Jaq didn’t appear. He checked the crowd through their CEO’s welcome speech, and again when everyone was clustered about the main hall, helping themselves to the canapes and drinks from the circulating waiters. Simon decided a case must be keeping Jaq away, which left him feeling relieved. No need to screw up his courage tonight, then.