Emilia
Finally parked outside Club Solstice, I turn off the ignition and collapse back into my seat. The amount of energy it takes to navigate even the simplest aspects of my life is exhausting and leaves me wishing for the days when I could maneuver through each moment with little effort. That was back when the anticipation of the unknown was a welcomed reprieve from the mundane. Back when uncertainty and anxiety didn’t rule my every breath, and I woke each morning looking forward to facing the day ahead. What I wouldn’t give for a chance to go back to those simpler times.
Grabbing my purse from the passenger seat, I lean down to slip on the silver heels I’d kicked off on the drive over. Dressing up for girl’s night used to be the highlight of my month, but now it’s yet another chore. Something else I force myself to endure to keep up the pretense that all is well in my world.
Stepping out of the car, I take a second to adjust the rose gold sheath dress I bought last week, thinking something new and pretty would grant me the motivation to be here. Unfortunately, not even the sequined dress with the lantern sleeves I fell in love with is enough to ease the burden of having to fake my way through this night. I look nice, though. I’d venture to say beautiful if not for the dark circles under my eyes, and the utter look of exhaustion that’s taken hold over my body.
Locking the car, I make my way to the crowded entrance. Even from the parking lot, I can hear the bass of the loud music playing inside. Being the only club in a 60-mile radius, Club Solstice is a popular destination that draws large crowds from the surrounding mountain towns.
Gently pushing through the throng of bodies, memories from our time spent here come flooding back. When we were home from college, the girls and I spent most of our free nights here. It looks much the same now as it did back then. With the outdoor lights casting a purple glow over the side of the grey brick exterior, along with similar light displays decorating the inside, the ambiance is trendy in a fun yet sexy kind of way.
As much as I don’t feel like being here tonight, I can’t deny the wistful affection I feel for the place. Looking around, I weave my way through the crowd, knowing where to find the girls. As expected, Jen, Nic, and Hannah sit at our usual high-top table, the three of them laughing with drinks in their hands.
Jen Holt-Chelsey, Nic Chelsey, Hannah Blake, and I have been friends since elementary school. Our friendship was instantaneous, and the four of us were inseparable from the moment we met. After high school, we attended different colleges but still made time to see one another every chance we could.
It was Jen who first planted the seed that would lead us back to our small town. She made us promise that in the end, we’d all return to start our lives in Ruby Creek. We all laughed and with tear-filled eyes agreed to keep the promise. I remember it was a happy yet somber moment, for at the time we hadn’t a clue where the future would lead. Yet twelve years later, here we are, all of us back together again. Jen and I were the first to return four years after high school. Nic and Hannah joined us more recently since their careers required more schooling and time.
“There she is!” My friends erupt in unison when they spot me walking toward them.
The thumping beat of the music vibrates all around us, while the surrounding crowd moves rhythmically to the sounds. It brings back memories of a more carefree time when we’d come to this place and lose ourselves in the music.
If only things were that easy now.
“Where have you been? Nic’s already two sheets to the wind.” My best friend and adoptive sister Jen squeals as she brings me in for a hug. “I was afraid we’d have to flag her before the life of the party arrived.”
“Ha! First of all, two drinks are nowhere near enough to get me flagged. Second, the only place where Emi’s the life of the party is the community library.” Nic cackles as Jen and Hannah join in on the joke.
“Hardy har har. You’re all hilarious.” I mock as if offended, but really, I’m not since she’s right. Except that lately, my preferred venue for partying is my bedroom, in my pajamas, as I spill lonely tears over a glass of red wine.
As I finish greeting the girls, Jen asks. “What took you so long? Last we talked, you said you were on your way.”
“I had the misfortune of dropping the girls off as my loving stepfather arrived home. Unfortunately, he had a lot to say about my terrible parenting. Including my audacity at having the girls in pajamas before 7 p.m. on a Friday. Never mind, I did it to help Mom out.”
“God, he’s such a dick! What’s his problem, anyway? You’re not his kid and they’re not his grandchildren. What does he care?” Nic adds.
“True, but he’s the closest thing they have to a grandfather. Plus, regardless of how terrible he is with me, he’s good to them.”
“I still don’t get why your mom lets him treat you like that,” Hannah adds. It’s a question I’ve often wondered myself.
“I think she feels bad for him. Especially after what went down with Michael. You know it’s part of the reason Harold hates me. He blames me since it was me his son was defending the night he left.” I add.
“Michael leaving had nothing to do with you and everything to do with the terrible way Harold treats everyone. Including his own child.” Nic adds.
“Well, everyone except mom and my kids. As long as he’s good with my girls, I can handle whatever he sends my way.”
“You can’t be serious…”
“That’s enough of that! We’re here to have a good time and talk about fun things!” Jen interrupts Nic’s objection. The way she’s bouncing on the balls of her feet like an excited 5-year-old lightens the mood and gets us all laughing. “Okay, little miss lateness. We need to get you a drink!” She adds as she flags over the waitress.
For the next few minutes, we catch up with one another as we wait for the new round of drinks to arrive. Nic, who runs the only law practice in Ruby Creek, is filling us in on her most recent sexual rendezvous with none other than the newly elected District Attorney.
“Jesus, Nic, isn’t that a conflict of interest?” I ask, feigning shock, though when it comes to this girl, nothing surprises me anymore.
“Only if we’re sitting on opposite sides of a case, which is easily rectified by disclosing the nature of our relationship.” She winks and smiles as if having to declare to the court that you’ve slept with the DA trying a case is no big deal.
“Wait a minute, so what happened with that handsome doctor you claimed had a doctorate in the art of the female orgasm?” Jen asks, as we curl up our noses and laugh in mutual fake disgust.
“Oh, he’s good too.” She cackles before stopping to think. “So is the accountant, and the firefighter. Oooh and I’ll let you know about the bartender…” she pretends to fake swoon as the man ogling her from his position at the bar winks at her.
“I’ll have you know. You’re the reason I said yes when Ben asked me to marry him. I figured I’d be okay settling down since I could still live vicariously through you.” Jen adds as she laughs.
The thought elicits disgust as I realize what she’s implied. “Eww, Jen! What you’re saying is that while sharing a marital bed with Ben, you’re living vicariously through his sister’s sexual escapades? Hope you don’t get your sex tips from her too.” I laugh, wholeheartedly appreciating her faux pas.
Gosh, when was the last time I laughed like this?
“Oh, my god...” Jen howls and then swats at me. “Shut. Up!” As we simmer down from the joke, she turns her attention to Hannah. “How about you? How are things with Jaxson?”
Hannah, the wallflower of our group, blushes a bright shade of red, but it’s the worry lines across her forehead that bring seriousness back into the moment. “I’m, uh, not sure. I guess we’re okay.”
“What do you mean? What’s going on?” Jen asks.
“Let her finish before you go all matchmaker on her.” Nic chastises. “Go on Hannah. What did the bastard do?”
“It’s nothing like that. It’s just… I think he’s getting ready to propose.”
“Wait, that’s a good thing, isn’t it?” Jen, forever the romantic, asks in confusion.
“Wait, back up a second. What makes you think he’s about to propose?” Nic asks.
“It’s little things, like the way he strokes my ring finger when he holds my hand or how he sometimes stares at it as we talk. Plus, he keeps bringing up that he wants us to start a family soon, even though I’ve repeatedly told him I’m not ready.” She stops for a moment, deep in thought as her fingers swipe over the condensation on her wineglass. “I don’t know. I guess it could all be in my head, but it feels like he’s hinting that he’s ready for more.”
“And you’re not?” I ask, though, by the look on her face, I already know the answer.
“I-I don’t…” She trails off, her attention once again diverted to her drink.
This indecision isn’t like her, especially as it pertains to her relationship with Jaxson. From the moment they met, Hannah professed he was the one. A doctor just like her, who came from a similar background as she did. On paper, everything about them makes sense.
“I don’t know anymore. I used to be so sure. We both wanted the same things from the start. Careers first, then marriage, the house, then kids. Now that our practices are established, I know marriage is the next logical step, but I can’t see it. I don’t know why, but it doesn’t feel right, which is crazy because he’s so perfect, and we’re good. Great in fact, but…” She shakes her head and then sighs. “It seems too perfect. Too safe. Like, I’m settling because it’s easy, which I guess is alright. Except for this feeling in my gut that tells me it might not be enough.”
Inside, I cringe at her words. Too perfect? Too easy? I want to be a supportive friend, but it’s hard to understand her rationale, especially as I wish things in my marriage were still perfect and easy.
“Hey, you okay?” Jen asks in a soft voice, her hand reaching out to rest over mine. The tension on her face is a clear sign I inadvertently dropped my mask and let my feelings show.
“Sorry. Got lost in my thoughts.” I try to reassure her with what I hope is a genuine smile.
Pulling myself together, I turn to Hannah and offer my support. “I think you should take some time to figure out what you want. If marriage doesn’t feel right, you should tell him before he proposes. Though if I were you, I’d think hard before doing anything, because ending a near-perfect relationship makes little sense on its own. There’s got to be something else that’s making you hold back.”
“I agree. Talk to him and let him know you’re having second thoughts about the future. Tell him what you think is missing and it’ll give you both the opportunity to fix whatever that might be.” Jen says.
“You’re right. I will,” Hannah responds, a sad smile crossing her pretty face.
“Well, not that anyone asked for my two cents, but if you’re having doubts after six years of dating, then isn’t that your answer? Why waste any more of your time?” Nic scoffs.
Snarky comments about relationships are Nic’s defensive mask. Somewhere along the way, she convinced herself she’s happier alone. That her desire for a man only comes into play when her body requires release. But for those of us who know her well, it’s easy to see through her facade.
Nic had a rough start in life. Her scars run deep. The psychological trauma she endured taught her to push people away as a matter of self-preservation. Thus, she’s convinced herself she doesn’t need love beyond the relationships she’s already established with us and her brother. But the sadness that lingers below the surface comes out in palpable waves when the rest of us speak about the men we love. Her desire to be loved is ever-present but in constant battle with the lessons of her past. Lessons that taught her that love is a weapon others can wield against her.
“Anywho, let’s move on to Emi! How are things with Mr. Tall-Dark and Mysterious? Have you guys talked recently?” Jen interjects. Probably hoping to shield Hannah from Nic’s harsh relationship critique and inadvertently directing her ire toward me.
NOTE: Chapter 3 Continues in the next episode.
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