There were two times in my life when I felt utterly helpless. I’m a very enthusiastic girl, and I succeed in everything I do, so that probably comes as a surprise. Now, you may think my life is all sparkles, but it's not. For one, I’m the daughter of a concubine who died giving birth to my stillborn brother. For another, my father, Ma Fu, just got kicked out of court for horribly botching up an assignment. 

Ma Fu used to be a high-ranking official, and served directly under the Emperor. But then he got an assignment to check on the workers in the Southern Region of the Jun Dynasty. Apparently, they were revolting against their landlords, who were withholding their wages and forcing them to work twenty-three hours a day, with only one hour of rest. Even I, a youth at seventeen years old, could tell that setting fire to the entire region is not how you solve that problem! But that’s exactly what my father did. You see, he’s very negligent in his duties. All he cares about is going home, drinking, and being in the companionship of his evil concubine, Chang Ying (and yes, to add to the drama, there’s an evil stepmother out to get me). So Father, too lazy to argue with the landlords, ordered his troops to fire on the landlords and the peasants at the same time with flaming arrows. Within days, the entire region was burning. His argument was that both sides would be satisfied; the peasants were punished for not listening to the landlords and the landlords were punished for mistreating their workers. The Emperor thought otherwise. And so Father was sent to the furthest reaches of the Empire, to punish him for not thinking through things. I don’t think Father particularly cares; as long as he’s getting paid, he’s fine. 

But anyways, now I stand in my new room, which is half as small as my old one and twice as broken-down. Fulian is pretty much the edge of the universe as far as the Empire is concerned, and I have to live my life out here because of Father’s mistakes. The only interesting thing that happens is when the occasional Anglian trader comes by-and that’s a rarity. But since I’m a forgiving and caring person, I’ve already forgiven Father for his misdeeds. I understand that not many people are naturally gifted in the art of logic like me, and Father is a simple man who does not understand consequences. However, I cannot forgive Chang Ying; she’s the reason my mother died.

My mother, Pan Zhenzhen, was married off to Father to pay off her family’s debts. Father already had two other concubines, Chang Ying, and Yin Cuifen, both of whom were more charismatic and beautiful than her. So no one paid much attention to her until she became pregnant with a son. Sons are a big deal in the Jun Dynasty compared to daughters. So when Chang Ying heard of that, she began withholding food and coal, starving and sickening my mother. I still remember the day my mother gave birth with perfect detail. Chang Ying had tricked all of the city’s doctors into going elsewhere, and sent the servants off on mundane tasks. Only Su Huian, Ma Fu’s official wife, could help with childbirth. Su Huian was soft-spoken and timid, but knowledgeable about medicine since she’d been a medic before being married off to Father. Some official wives hate their husband’s concubines, but Su Huian was kind to everyone. But even her knowledge had limits, and it was clear my mother couldn’t make it. 

Su Huian gave Mother a dose of painkillers so she could talk to me one last time, and left, leaving me alone with the only person who cared about me. I couldn’t help it; I started crying. Mother grasped my hands, staring intently at me. 

“Ma Lisu, you must exact revenge on Chang Ying, but do it in a devious way so she doesn’t see it coming. Make sure that her children suffer and she lives out her life in absolute poverty and isolation, preferably in Fulian or some other far-off place, and don’t ask why I’m being so specific,” my mother whispered to me. Those were her last words. Did I mention I’m a benevolent and caring person? So of course, taking revenge on Chang Ying was hard for a kind-hearted person like me, but every time I think about how I stood there and saw my mother bleed out, I have a new resolve. Chang Ying must pay for her wicked crimes. Chang Ying now has to live her life out in Fulian, like Mother said, but she’s still in the company of Father, so my work is not done yet. But first, I need to get acquainted with Fulian and settle into my first life. And so, that was the first time I felt completely helpless to do anything. 

The second time was much later in my life, when I was eight years old. And this time, it wasn’t a tragedy brought upon me, but on someone else.

—----

Father was still the Emperor’s favored official at that time, so the Emperor took our family to meet a wuxia master. He was a tall, stern man who spoke stiffly, although he was very affectionate to his children. 

“This is Lin Jian. He’s my personal sword for cutting off my enemies, if you know what I mean,” the Emperor said. “He has two sons and a daughter. I think one of them is about Lisu and Liling’s age. Maybe they can play together?”

Lin Jian sniffed, unimpressed. “Ah, so here’s the guy that has four wives.”

“When you say it like that, it sounds worse,” Father said cheerfully, even though having four wives was admittedly a bad thing. 

Suddenly, two boys ran out of Lin Jian’s room. 

“Who’s that?” one boy asked. 

Lin Jian smiled. “These are Ma Fu’s daughters, Ma Lisu and Ma Liling. Why don’t you show them around?”

“Ugh, no. I would rather stay here and listen to adult things because I’m really mature,” Liling said, sticking her nose in the air. She was stuck up even back then. 

The boy shrugged. “Sure, whatever. I’m Lin Hu, by the way.”

He grabbed my arm and led me out to the garden. The other boy followed behind, occasionally tripping over his robes. He was very uncoordinated. 

“Oh, that’s typical of Long,” Hu laughed when I looked with concern at Long. “He’s always tripping over something.”

We continued walking, past the gardens and outside of the house.  Hu strode in front of me confidently, and the path in front of us cleared wherever he walked. There was something very mature about Hu, but I didn’t really know why. 

“Wait, we aren’t allowed to go past the river,” Long said. “As your older brother, I-”

“Whatever,” Hu interrupted. “We’ll just be really careful.”

“Why do you need to be careful? Are you trying anything dangerous?” an adult voice cut in. It was a tall man wearing the robes signifying a high ranking official.

“Oh, we’re just going to the river,” Hu said.

“Ah, no need to be afraid there, there’s guards watching over the place,” the man said reassuringly. “Now, there’s a very pretty garden just up from the river-why don’t you show your new friend that?”

“Thanks for the suggestion, Master Cheng,” Hu replied. We had not continued down the path for a long time before Long objected again. 

“No,” Long said, blocking us and drawing himself up to his (not very tall) full height. “I must stop you! Just because Master Cheng said so doesn’t mean we can do it!”

Hu pushed past Long anyway. Long grumbled, and reluctantly followed, muttering something about having to be the older brother. We continued walking until we got to a small garden just past the river. Slender trees laden with juicy fruit dotted the edges of the paths. The paths themselves were lined with hundreds of small stones, intricately placed so there was no gap between each one. Stone benches, shiny gray with hints of rose, were situated sporadically around the path. A bubbling, two-layer, fountain was the centerpiece of the garden, engraved with lotus flowers. 

“It’s very picturesque, isn’t it?” Hu said as we walked over to sit on a bench. 

“Wow,” I replied. “This is so beautiful!”

Hu rolled his eyes at Long, who was still sulking. “See, nothing happened.”

That was when the mercenaries attacked.