Beck
There's a knot at the pit of my stomach.
A dreading fear of my upcoming demise.
After that awful confrontation between me and Quentin inside the classroom on Friday, I thought to myself I was done for.
He literally threatened my life and I kept waiting for his vengeance to come. For the rest of my classes of the day, I remained watchful and was stared at by the students like a dead man walking.
I knew Quentin was coming for me and I understood I had little chance of survival against him. I probably got lucky when we fought off, but now my luck has run out.
I waited and waited till the final bell rang. OK, so he's taking his time to catch me outside of the school. I see what you're doing, Mr. Atwood.
Yet, he never came for me.
I'm thinking he wants to terrorize me with fear, make me sweat in dreadful panic. The sheer terrifying prospect of getting beaten up in addition to the actual beating.
Sure, because being beaten is not punishment enough. He has to taunt his victims like some sort of psychopath. Well, at least he's consistent. Consistently evil.
My weekend was horrible and I couldn't even tell my mother about it because I didn't want to worry her. With everything that happened back at the reservation, I didn't want to pile up.
She already has her own troubles as she's looking for a job and doesn't need to worry about some petty high school teenage rivalry.
Though by the looks of it, I'm thinking this is bigger than a simple rivalry. From what I understand, no one has ever done to him what I did. Even if it was purely accidental. It really was.
Kingsley tried to prepare me the best he could but this situation is a bit of a novelty. No one really has the balls to stand up to him except for Layla, but she is protected by Jude.
I tried really hard to not let that get in the way of me enjoying my weekend, but who am I kidding? Not even video games could distract me from this terror.
I spent some time with my cousin in his house where his lovely family was welcoming to me, as usual for the short time I’ve been here. They are all so nice.
But nobody can stop the clock and Monday came with its promise of violence. I got off the school bus already with my eyes wide open for any potential danger.
The student body seemingly had already forgotten about me and our little trifle, but soon enough I saw my enemy talking to his friends and girlfriend.
They noticed me there but continued talking like nothing happened. It was so strange. I continued on my way since that's all I could do.
It's not like I am the one who's picking this fight. Kingsley and I talked for a while inside the classroom as it filled up with students buzzing about their weekends.
Honestly, I wanted to ask Layla about her date with Blaine but we're not exactly friends yet. However, judging by her expression when he passed her by I'm guessing it went great.
Quentin and his friends walked by me towards the back of the classroom to take their usual seats like just another day. It's eerie, but I kept to myself. What else am I supposed to do?
Kingsley thought it odd too, but he already did since Friday. I guess Quentin is really taking his time to catch me when I least expect it. I can’t exactly say it isn't a good strategy.
“So, I’m dying to know… how was the date?” - Quentin inquired of Blaine and Layla with a mischievous grin. And his brother is already glaring at him.
The boy looked uncomfortable at the question and blushed as she was not amused by his sudden interest in her. Though I’m guessing Blaine is his friend too. They all belong to the wrestling team.
“It was great, Alpha. She was wonderful to get to know.” - He replied awkwardly. Layla smiled at his response, ignoring the nosy Atwood.
“How nice! Maybe now you’ll finally win against her on the mat.” - Quentin provoked, causing the couple to feel uncomfortable at the prospect of facing each other off during wrestling practice.
“That’s not what this is about, Alpha. I’m not interested in fighting her.” - Blaine informed, seemingly smitten by her. And the feeling was mutual, as it seems.
“Don’t mind him, Blaine. Some people are only interested in chaos. I think it’s great that you’re getting to know each other better.” - Jude interjected, sideways glaring at his brother.
“Thanks, Jude. Honestly, I don’t know why I took so long. We had such a great time that I can’t wait for us to go out again.” - He said, smiling at her. I had yet to see her properly smiling but Layla is beaming right now inside the classroom.
The teacher entered and started the class.
After the end of the first period, we collected our things to move on to another classroom. I quickly made my way out before Quentin and his entourage had the chance to walk me by.
I took my seat for the second period and a smooth voice startled me as I did.
“Hey fairy, why can’t I mind link you? Haven’t you been sworn into the pack yet?” - Quentin inquired of me and a cold sweat started forming on my forehead as I heard his voice so close to me.
Naturally, this dialogue attracted the attention of everyone around us.
“My name is not fairy.” - I stated, rolling my eyes in annoyance. He laughed at my response.
“Answer the question, Becky.” - He demanded in a short temper tone.
“I can’t mind link anyone. I haven’t been sworn in by the Alpha of the pack.” - I replied uncomfortably at this line of questioning. I already fear this.
The neural link that connects the members of the same pack is tied to its Alpha. That’s why you cannot mind link a person from a different pack, only your own. But that can only be done if you have been sworn in by them.
When you shift for the first time, you appear before the Alpha of your pack and he swears you in, commanding you to shift into a wolf so you can be blessed by him. Considering I can’t shift, you can see why I didn’t do that.
“Why not? Are you planning to return to your old pack?” - He raised his eyebrow in confusion.
“Not exactly, no.” - I said, getting flustered by this line of questioning.
He looks at me suspiciously and even more intrigued than he began.
“Then why haven’t you been sworn in? I know my father has already talked to you, so it’s not like you didn’t have the opportunity.” - He grilled me and I could feel the curiosity of the other students rising as he interrogated me.
“Please, can you leave me alone? I don’t want to talk about it.” - I spoke in a low tone, feeling ashamed of myself.
It’s like blood to a shark. Now he’s really intrigued.
“OK, now I’m curious about it. I gotta know this.” - He got really close to me as he said that, making me feel intimidated by his towering figure. It’s not like he’s that much taller than me, but he’s bulkier.
“Why do you care that you can’t mind link him? It’s not like you two are gonna have insightful conversations.” - Jude interjected, annoyed at his brother.
“You should be glad he’s still alive, brother.” - He declared as if that was supposed to make any sense. However, it sort of did. I’m guessing Jude interfered on my behalf, that’s why he hasn’t attacked me yet.
“I’m waiting for an answer. And you don’t want to get on my bad side more than you already have.” - He threatened me, still too close to me for my comfort.
“I can’t shift.” - I muttered under my breath, blushing in deep seated shame.
“What do you mean you can’t shift?!” - He repeated back in a loud voice and the entire class gasped in shock. Literally everyone was staring at me shocked by the revelation.
“I mean I haven’t been able to shift yet, so I couldn’t be sworn into the pack to be able to mind link.” - I explained, blushing before the intense collective gaze at me.
“Oh my Goddess! A fairy and a freak! This is priceless!” - He mocked me and I had trouble holding back the tears from falling down my face. This is the worst I’ve ever felt about being a non shifter.
“This is too good to be true! Now I know why your father hated you so much that he wanted to kill you!” - He humiliated me, causing a horrified gasp to be seen and heard from all the students.
“Quentin, what the hell!?” - Jude interjected, seriously mad at him.
I’m sobbing right now uncontrollably. And here I thought the lowest point of my life was behind me. I was so wrong…
I rushed out of the class towards the bathroom while I balled my eyes out in deep seated shame and pain that I was holding in. I felt so humiliated. It’s bad enough I was outed as a non-shifter werewolf. Why did he have to bring up my father?
Why add the emotional pain to an already shameful situation?
Honestly, I think I prefer the beating. Though no one said it was off the table.
After almost half an hour crying, I returned to the classroom only to be berated by the teacher before I got a chance to explain I was feeling ill. Still, all eyes were on me.
Kingsley hugged me once the class ended and offered me his support.
“I’m sorry for everything, Beck. You didn’t deserve this. And for whatever reason you arrived in this pack, I’m glad you came.” - Layla approached me to offer words of comfort. I faked a half smile for her.
“Thank you for saying that.” - I tried to smile, but failed.
“Whether or not you can shift, you’re still a werewolf just like the rest of us. I’m sure your wolf will come out eventually.” - She encouraged me, soft spoken.
I breathed out a defeated sigh before I walked out with my cousin. In the hall, I was being stared at like a freak. People whispered as I walked by, ogling me in odd curiosity. I lowered my head, feeling ashamed of myself.
The truth is I had already gone through all this back at my old pack when I turned 13. Everyone already knew my truth back there. I guess I had forgotten how humiliating it was.
From classroom to classroom, all along the halls I was being stared at and whispered about like a freak. There was a lot of attention on me on my first day of school, but this was a new high.
I felt like the entire student body from all four grades were talking about me, not just the seniors. It was an attention I never wanted or needed, especially under these conditions.
Eventually, I was called away by the vice principal who tried to give me a pep talk. But I was feeling so low at this point, nothing could make me feel better.
I spent the lunch break inside the bathroom alone. I was so embarrassed I couldn’t possibly face the crowded cafeteria today. It was too much for me to bare.
Kingsley brought me some food from the cafeteria for me to eat and I thanked him, but I couldn’t stomach anything at the moment. Here I thought the gay component of my life would be a tough challenge. How wrong I was…
“Wait, if you can’t shift into a wolf, how will you know when you found your mate?” - Quentin - yes him, because why not? - inquired of me inside the classroom.
Again, he turned the collective attention to me.
“Haven’t you done enough already? Can you please leave me alone, for Goddess’ sake?!” - I literally begged him, on the verge of tears.
He smiled at my misery as if it was a sport for him. I was gut wrenched. How low could I get today? How much more punishment must I suffer for something completely out of my control?
“Sorry, fairy. I was gonna catch you outside today. But I don’t want your blood anywhere near me. I don’t wanna catch whatever disease you have.” - He provoked me.
I crumbled inside the classroom. Why is he so actively making me feel worse than I have ever felt?
Suddenly, I felt a warm embrace as I was tearing up once again. Jude came and wrapped me in such a tight protective hug that somehow I felt safe in his arms. It was a sight to behold.
“I’m sorry for everything that you’re going through. I’m sorry for my brother. You don’t deserve any of this. You are valuable. You are important. Don’t let anyone take your worth away from you.” - He said in my ears as he embraced me. Tears flowed through me as I heard his words of encouragement.
After a while, he let go of the embrace and looked at me.
“Please, I need you to be okay. I’m confident the Goddess will find a way for your mate to find you. Don’t worry about it. No werewolf has even been left unpaired.” - He said with an encouraging tone and I couldn’t help but smile.
He left me shortly after and once again I was being stared at by all the students inside the classroom. Just not for the same reasons as before.
Kingsley was giving me a peculiar look that led me to think he was a tad jealous of that, but it was just a pity hug. Not a declaration of love.
“Thank you, Jude. For whatever it’s worth, I’m rooting for you to be the next Alpha.” - I told him, smiling timidly.
His brother grunted in annoyance at the words, but said nothing. He already spoke plenty today.
For the remainder of the week, I still felt like a freak. The curiosity around my inability to shift would last some time still. I had some tough days ahead of me.
But at least I had one person in my corner rooting for me. Aside from Kingsley, of course. With that encouragement, I began to feel less of a freak over time. Though that would take a long, long while.
A|N: That was painful. Oh my Lord.
On the other side, what a song. <3
Love,
Léo.
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