One Week Later…

              A week…. It's only been a week and that morning plagues my mind like a disease with no cure. Every time I open my eyes to when they deserve to be resting, I see that damned Express. As if he was begging, pleading for me to not push him out. Begging me to stop the words that were flooding his ears. My heart twinges.

"This is ridiculous, it was only one night."

        Yet, for my soul it felt like eternity. I found myself trying to see him in the halls or even walk by his courses, just to see how he's been keeping, but to no avail. That worries me. The last time I hurt him it ….

No. I can't let him leave like that again without apologizing. This time I'll set it right before it's too late. I just have to see him. But it's as if he's vanished completely and I don't even know where to start. What do you say to someone who you've been intimate with and then pushed him out with no explanation? I have to try. Despite it all.. I have to reach him.. explain that… we're too…. just too…

"different."

Right. We're… different. Why am I trying to reach him at all? This is good. He hates me now. So he'll stay away from me. This is exactly… 

"What you wanted." 

Just then: 

"Woah Kevin, That was a good Shot"

"That's exactly what we wanted!! LETS GO BOYS"

It's coming from outside. I peer out from the window. 

"Oh it's the juniors."

junior: 

"Kevin I'm open"

There he was. He's still here, he didn't disappear like before. My heart felt relieved, "Ah I'm glad." He's still in reach I can… I can just… I… 

"No."

       This is good, remember? We don't need to reach him. That morning was all you needed. Why am I still here? I should just get on with my day. There's no need to stay here and feel glad. You are nothing to him and he's… he's…  nothing? Would that be the truth? Is he nothing to me? He has to be. Alex, get your shit together. 

      Just as I was in the middle of having an emotional breakdown, I looked up and noticed him looking my direction up to the window. I just froze. His beautiful golden eyes said more than I ever could. My spine tensed, teeth clenched. I was bolted in by his stare. His golden eyes now looked at me with an icy cold stare. It made me want to cry and hide but that same icy stare froze every inch of my body. Without realizing it my body had moved on its own.

      I waved. Why? I JUST TOLD YOU, My body moved on its own. I waved my pathetic wave hoping it reached from me to him. That somehow my sad excuse for a wave would be able to tell him how sorry I was. How I didn't regret anything and how I wanted for us to continue like that. How we were too different, how that difference would've hurt him in the long run. That he deserved better. Better than me and what I have to give. That I'm no hero and I'm not made of stone. That I and the very definition of imperfect and he deserved everything that perfection had to offer. I needed that to reach him, and all I could do was wave. 

       His look softened, he pointed at his cheek. Only then did I realize that a tear was running down my cheek. I- It must've snuck out.. Jeez, I need to turn away and wipe my face. 

"perfect.. just perfect." 

       I wipe my face quickly, and turn back. Wouldn't you know, he was gone. Did I reach him, even a little? I hope I did. That would be g-

Just then the sound of running footsteps plague the halls, followed by the sound of panting. Who?

"ALEX!!??" 

"k- Kevin?" *surprised Pikachu face* 

He was out of breath… Gasping for air.. it's like he.. did he?

"D-did you run here?" 

He took a second to catch his breath.

"I saw you crying. So I felt like I had to rush here. Are you okay? You're not sick are you? Here let me" 

         He.. He came all the way over here, just for me? Just because he saw a tear on my face? Why? I hurt him and now he's here with his hand on my forehead checking my temperature? Heh.. we really are… 

"I'm fine.. I'm fine… it was just.. I just… Kevin I'm so… So…"

"It's okay. I get it. Anyway it was me who pressured you so.. It's me who needs to apologize.. I'm sorry. A-"

Pressured? No. He's got it all wrong. I wasn't… Not once did I feel….

"... anyway it seems you're not sick. Ah, I'm relieved. Well I guess I'm off then. But Alex, what I said back in your dorm.. "

"y- Yeah?"

"… I- I meant every word. So once again, let's end it here okay?"

      What could I say? I didn't deserve to stop him. I didn't deserve to be in his life and why would I try? Because he got me off? Because I feel guilty about hurting him twice? That isn't enough. I refuse to beg just to stop feeling guilty. It's better this way. 

"o- okay Kevin, have a perfect life okay?" 

"yeah… yeah, you too Al"

      There he goes once again, darkening the space he once lit. May our different worlds never collide again, it's the least I can do for you… it's the least…

"goodbye. baby boy."