I Shall Rewrite the Stars

Chapter 11

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“Son?” Raja asks. “That is what those of Kemet would call a rajkumar, is it not?”

As I open my mouth to respond, I notice how stiff Juba has become—far too late, I realize why. My visions alone are why I know the truth about him, that he is as much royalty as Raja and I.

I also know that he is fiercely protective of this dangerous information. For he was never meant to tell it to me. In my visions, it was Gustavian who revealed this truth, on the very day that Juba and I were wedded.

A rush of cold slithers through my veins, and I step back at the icy expression on Juba’s face.

“Why exactly would you think that I am an emperor candidate?” he asks lowly.

“You…you know much of governing, from your time spent behind Gustavian’s throne,” I try, careful with which truths I speak. “You are a man who cherishes knowledge and despises the cruel norms of Roma. I believe you would be a good and just ruler.”

“Did you see such a ruler in your visions?” Juba steps closer, glaring me down. “Did you see the man before you, bound with unlockable shackles, seated upon a high throne?”

“I-…”

Tears well in my eyes. I foresaw many bickering arguments between the two of us, but never anything like this. Never did I see a time when Juba looked at me like this.

“If Gustavian were to hear even the lowest whisper, that I had considered myself fit for a throne, he would end me,” Juba growls. “So listen closely. Whatever you think you know, you are wrong. About the future, about me, about us-”

“Enough,” Raja commands, shoving her way between us. “Whatever your problem may be, Selene is a rajkumari and will be respected as such. Know your place, Juba.”

He steps back with a bitter smile. “Right. Know my place before my royal betters, after being told that I could make a fine emperor.”

“Did you not understand the intent behind her words? Selene is of royal birth, yet took the hand of you, a commoner, and promoted your virtues as one fit to lead the mightiest empire in all the world. She praised you, Juba, and you slapped her in the face for it.”

“Please, just stop,” I beg, lowering my head. “You’ve said enough, Raja.”

“I have not,” she argues. “Royalty and the commonfolk have always been divided, for such is the way of the world. None would think us wrong to ignore Juba’s existence. Yet you have been excessively kind toward him, and he should both acknowledge and cherish the beauty of that.”

“Because the kindness of my betters is such an esteemed gift?” Juba spits.

“Because the kindness of anyone is something to be cherished. No one is owed kindness, Juba. Many will refuse for selfish reasons, and the remaining, special few, will scarcely offer it as freely as Selene has.”

Juba says nothing for so long, I wonder if he will ever speak. When he does, though he remains guarded, his voice has lost its sting. “Say it,” he says. “Tell her the true reason why you believe I am fit to be an emperor.”

“Never,” I reply.

“You have already let slip that you know my secret.”

“That was an accident, for which I can never apologize enough. But the full extent of your secret is not mine to share.”

“I am telling you to share it.”

“And I am swearing here and now, that I will sooner fall upon my own sword than speak another word of this matter.”

Juba shakes his head, turns, and stalks into the shadows cast by the high bamboo. When he is gone, Raja faces me with a sigh.

“Too stubborn to admit his faults.” She shakes her head. “Even without confirming my assumptions, I will tell you plainly that I believe I know his secret. That in mind, will you still refuse to tell it to me?”

“I only know his truth, because the spirit of the moon gifted me visions of the future,” I say.

“You trade so great a secret to distract me from his? I think yours is far more dangerous, Selene.”

“Even so, I have willingly shared it with you. As for Juba, I…” I look in the direction he’d walked, with a heavy heart. “I understand his frustration. The moon spirit showed me things I have no right to know about, without any consideration for how such knowledge may affect others. He is right to despise me now.”

“I don’t think he despises you.” Raja says with a smile. “As you said, Juba is frustrated—and rightfully so. But he seems a wise man, if not a bit too brash. He will recognize his mistakes and bed your forgiveness, and then all will be well again.”

“He should not feel the need to apologize, for having spoken out of fear for his life,” I say. “He is in such a dangerous position, Raja, one that is only made worse by his involvement with me. And I wish…I wish that I could offer him peace. He deserves to live peacefully. But I have none to offer. I have nothing to offer.”

Studying me, Raja’s smile widens. “Of all that a rajkumari might offer a common man, your first desire is to gift him peace? If I did not know any better, I might think you are in love with him, Selene.”

My cheeks warm. “How can I love a man whom I hardly know?”

“Because you fell for the man in your visions, and continue to love him here in the present.”

I fumble for a denial, stumbling over half-spoken words. All the while, Raja watches me with that clever look in her eyes. Eventually, I choose to look away, for I know there shall be no deceiving her. Nothing I say can change the fact that I have been caught yet again.

“We were fated to love one another,” I say, clenching a hand over my chest. “And that love was meant to destroy us. But I can’t…” I shake my head. “I can’t change the feelings that grew as I endured my visions. I can’t stop the longing in my heart, for all that we were supposed to have—I don’t want to! Because I see Juba and know all the wonderful, incredible things about him that even he has yet to discover, and I-…I…”

Reaching forward, Raja takes my hands in hers. “Your heart is caught in a difficult position, one that I cannot claim to understand. For my husband was chosen for me—a nobleman nearly twice my age. He was kind, gentle, but he was assassinated before I could truly get to know him. He was the closest I have ever come to loving another.”

“I’m so sorry-”

Raja shakes her head. “Don’t be. There is peace in knowing that we were never close enough to ache for each other’s loss. None will seek my hand now, and I may well live and die an unloved widow, but at least I shall never have to worry about the pains of losing one whom I cherish. I shall never have to fear suffering the way you do.”

“No one should live without love, for fear of losing it,” I insist. “That is too cruel a fate, Raja.”

“You say so, but do you not hide your feelings for Juba, in an attempt to spare him from the very pains I speak of?”

“What I truly wish for, is to spare him any sense of pressure to return my feelings. If ever he decides to love me, I want it to be his choice, entirely uninfluenced by my visions.”

“Can you love him despite the changes he must already display?”

“Of course. Already, Juba has been so considerate and patient toward me—well, until tonight that is.”

“Is that love, then?” Raja asks. “It sounds like mere affection.”

“Can love not stem from affection?” I ask in return, noting the waning of the moonlight. “It may be better to let the conversation rest for tonight. We’ve a long journey ahead of us, and I…”

“You are exhausted?” Raja laughs, dropping one hand to pull me along beside her. “Let us return, then, and you shall sleep well with this assurance: I will tell not a soul of what was said here. Neither about you nor Juba. Your secrets will follow me to my grave.”

“You know, fate never meant for us to meet,” I say with a smile. “Of all the great changes that have occurred thus far, I am glad that meeting you has been one of them. I believe we will be great friends, Raja.”

“But of course! For nowhere in all the world shall you find a better friend than me.”

We laugh together, maneuvering the darkened path along the narrow stream, until a campsite comes into view. Juba sits with his back to us, unflinching at our arrival. Across from him, Helios sleeps on his back, whilst Ptolemy uses his stomach for a pillow. On their right, with sword in hand, sleeps Mrunal.

“This is not the comfiest place to sleep, but it should do us well for the remainder of the night,” Raja whispers, tiptoeing over to drop next to Mrunal.

“It should,” I agree, unsure where to sit.

My heart yearns to take a spot close to Juba, but I cannot bring myself to risk glimpsing his face. I don’t want to see that cold expression again, or worse, his hate-filled glare. So instead, I look toward my siblings, wondering if I might find a way to use Helios’ legs as a makeshift pillow.

I am nearly to him, when a splotch of white draws my eyes to the right. Sitting amidst the bamboo, a fluffy, white rabbit watches me with unblinking red eyes. At its sides, silvery nymphs flutter, smiling and waving for me to come closer.

“Are we in danger?” I ask, sighing in relief when the nymphs shake their heads. “Must we follow you now? Can it not wait until dawn?”

The nymphs only wave toward themselves, and so I bend to shake Helios’ leg. He sits up groggily, jarring Ptolemy awake. Less than pleased, both rise when I explain the return of the nymphs.

“Tell them to wait,” Ptolemy huffs, throwing her arms around Helios’ waist. “I will walk more once the sun has risen. Until then, leave me be.”

“Quit whining, Ptolemy,” Helios groans, bending to allow her access to his back once again. When she is secure, he spares me a deep frown. “Are you sure you’re alright, Selene? You weren’t doing well when I fell asleep.”

“I am fine, if not a bit tired,” I assure, looking round to see that Mrunal, Raja, and Juba are on their feet. “Tough I cannot understand their impatience, the nymphs are insistent. We must follow them.”

Returning my focus to the nymphs, I frown when they dart ahead, almost out of sight. The thought of having to chase them again nearly jars a groan from my lips, until I notice that the rabbit has not moved an inch. Slowly I move closer. When I reach out toward her, she turns and hops a few feet away. Then a few more, when I begin to follow.

Down the steep slope of a valley, around the curve of a high dirt mound, over an old rope-bridge strung across a widened portion of the stream—we walk until the darkness of the night fades into the glowing pinks and oranges of dawn. The sun has just burst forth on the horizon, when the bamboo thins, and we step out into an open, grassy field.

Sever feet away, lying side by side, three gray beasts unlike anything I have ever seen before rest on their massive bellies. Wide ears twitch on either side of their heads, long trunks extend above their small mouths, tusks jut forth like the those of a warthog, and the creatures’ short tails flick side to side. I am rendered speechless by the beasts.

Raja, however, squeals with delight, racing forward with a cry of, “We’ve found our way to Pataliputra!”

“Elephants,” Mrunal groans. “It had to be elephants.”

“What exactly are they?” Helios asks, his blue eyes sparkling as he assesses them. “Do they bite?”

“Not for the most part, though they’ve been known to trample people. Or sit on and crush them.” Mrunal heaves a sigh. “They’re Her Highness’ preferred mode of transportation.”

“You do not care for them?” I ask, to which his lips twitch back in a grimace.

“Their dung is the size of an infant, they stink to high heaven, and the cursed wretches refuse to budge once tired.”

“How fascinating. Can they travel far—and for long?”

“Quite a ways. About…as far as a good horse, though not quite as fast.”

“Come greet them!” Raja begs, hugging the trunk of the closest elephant. It sucks up a tuft of her hair, dropping it as the trunk squirms about between her arms.

“How many can ride a single elephant?” Juba asks, coming up beside me.

Mrunal hums. “Two is safest, though three might be alright.”

“I’ve spent time with war elephants in Roma. Assuming that you and Raja know how to command them, we’ve three drivers.”

Setting Ptolemy on her feet, Helios runs forward to stroke the side of Raja’s elephant. “Their skin is so rough!” he gasps.

“Amazing, isn’t it?” she laughs. “They feel akin to trees!”

“Her Highness will ask the boy to ride with her,” Mrunal assumes. “I can take the girl, and you-”

“It may be best if I ride with you,” I interrupt, dipping my head. “Ptolemy-”

“Ride with me,” Juba says, turning away when I look at him. “Whatever cure that stream provided, I still prefer that you get some more rest—just to be certain that you are truly well again.”

“But…”

“Given the trend, you will only sleep well so long as you are by my side.”

“I do not want to be any more of a burden to you, Juba,” I say.

His eyes cut toward me. “If and when you become a burden, I will tell you.”

“Mrunal, take Ptolemy for us!” Raja calls then, waving her arms above her head. “Hurry, now! This girl is ready to rise—and I will be upon her back when she does!”

“Coming, Highness,” Mrunal says, guiding Ptolemy over to join them.

Left alone with Juba, I bite my lower lip, unsure what to say.

“Swear that you will not speak a word of what know, again,” he says, without looking at me. “Swear an oath upon your eternal soul, Selene. Then I will feel safe again.”

“Liar,” I whisper. “I appreciate your attempt to comfort me, but I know you too well. You will never feel safe with me knowing. You will always fear that I might somehow use your secret against you.”

Juba is quiet a moment, before he says, “You’re just as great a threat to me, as Gustavian. You realize that, don’t you?”

“I will never do to you what Gustavian has. Though…I do wish that we might have become real friends. My only regret, is the loss of that hope-”

“Show me that I can trust you, and our friendship will remain intact.”

I shake my head. “Such a show will never come to pass. For in the future, you were meant to confide this to me, Juba: I will only trust one who holds my heart. But there are none such people, least of all me. And there never shall be. Not in this lifetime.”

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