CW: Panic Attacks, Suicial Ideation
Skyla’s POV
Jolted awake by another nightmare, well the same nightmare. It replays in my dreams every time I fall asleep. I’m thankful for those nights I do not dream.
Gasping for air, I throw the blankets to the floor and rush the bathroom. Splashing my face with cold water before glancing at the clock nearby. 4:32am, seriously?! Fuck my life!
Deciding to step in the shower because there is just no way I’m getting back to sleep now; I can’t risk having that nightmare again.
Today is Saturday, this afternoon is So Fetching’s ribbon cutting ceremony and open house. I’ve been working towards this for months and cannot afford to mess this up.
It is also the anniversary of my life ending, the life I had dreamed of with my high school sweetheart. Brianna would have been starting pre-k in the fall. Letting tears flow freely in the warm shower.
Why am you doing this today? You don’t want to see anyone! But it’s too late to reschedule; you’ve already spent too much time and too much money to make this day happen.
God what an awful pep talk... at least you have all day to clear your head, doors don’t open until 3pm.
Stepping out of the shower and throwing my hair up into a damp, messy bun... my phone beeps somewhere on the bed, alerting me to a new voicemail. I put on some leggings and an oversized sweatshirt before making my bed and finding my phone.
“Hello, Mrs. Daniels... this is Officer Thomas, I understand that today will be very trying for you, I just wanted to let you know we are still diligently working your case, following every lead. The entire precinct will be thinking of you today. Please do not hesitate to call should you need something... and umm, please call me back Skyla.”
Shoving my phone into the pocket off my leggings, I walk into the kitchen to make some coffee.
Xavier’s POV
It’s already after 5am, driving home from my shift at The Wolf Den. Getting off almost an hour and a half late because some of the more drunken regulars decided to redecorate by throwing bottles, punches, and barstools. Thankfully no real damage was done, it was just one hell of a mess to clean up.
My drive home takes me right past Skyla’s place; I’ve seen her a couple of times this week, but she seems different after Monday night... distracted, distant even. I know she’s been busy but I can’t help but think any walls she has are even stronger now.
That’s weird, the lights are on... is she awake already? I guess it is later than when I usually drive by.
Deciding to check on her, I pull into the street-side parking opposite her building and pull out my phone. From here I can see most of the lights on her second-floor apartment are on.
Sending her a quick text, “You up?”
Seconds seems to stretch into hours as I wait for a reply, hoping for a chance to see her after such an awful shift at the bar.
My phone buzzes in my hand, reading the incoming text with a smile, “Yeah, still working?”
Xavier: Just got off, can I see you?
Skyla: Sure, hungry? Couldn’t sleep, made waffles.
Xavier: Always lol, I’m outside.
Skyla: lol stalker!
Skyla: Use the code, come on up.
Smiling to myself as I lock the car and jog across the street to the back door of her building. It’s going to be a good day! Somehow managing to enter the security code correctly the first time, and taking the stairs two at a time.
Opening the door to the apartment I’m hit with the heavenly scent of waffles and syrup, only to be greeted by Skyla’s sad smile. Her expression sullen and broken. Shit! Looks like she’s been crying.
Skyla’s POV
Forcing a smile as I turn towards my open front door; Xavier’s handsome, devilish smile falls as soon as his eyes meet mine. He can tell something’s wrong, why did you let him come up here?
Closing the space between us in just a few large strides, he tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. Lifting my head to look up at him he clasps my face in his large, strong hands and kisses the top of my head. A tear escapes my eye despite all my efforts at fighting them back; Xavier brushes it away with his thumb.
“Hey” I manage to whisper.
Pressing his forehead to mine, “Hey.”
I step back, away from his touch and nervously look back towards the kitchen. “I hope you’re hungry, because I’ve made way too much.”
His deep laugh eases my anxiety, “I can see that, you expecting an army?”
“No, just trying to keep myself busy” I sigh, “I needed a distraction.”
Xavier seems to understand I need his company, and not his questions right now. His posture is completely relaxed and carefree even though his eyes show that he’s concerned.
He starts to open random cabinets before turning to ask “Where are your coffee cups?”
“Top left, above the sink.” I reply quickly while piling waffles onto plates and carrying them over to the dining table.
He pours himself a coffee; grabbing mine off the counter before following me to the table. Sliding his plate over to him as he takes his seat, I have to force myself to speak... the silence between us becoming uncomfortable.
“How was your night?”
“Long,” he replies with a shrug “ended on a good note though.”
“Oh yeah? That’s good.”
He smirks, leaning his elbows down on the table “Yeah, I mean, after an unusually long night at The Wolf Den and just as I was on my way home, some sexy woman offered me a homemade breakfast and fresh coffee.”
I can’t help but blush under his gaze,quickly forgetting the nightmares that haunt me. Looking up at him from my plate I feel bold enough to tease back, “I hope you’ve told her you made other plans then.”
A low throaty laugh stirs up the butterflies in my stomach. He barely breathes while inhaling six waffles and almost an entire pot of coffee. I’m finally feeling more relaxed as I watch him enjoying the simple meal I made.
Letting his fork fall on his emptied plate “Damn, that was amazing.”
“That was... just waffles and some fresh fruit.”
“Still though,” he says teasingly “any time you cook for a distraction... let me know.”
“If I cooked for you all the time my grocery bill would triple.”
He clutches his chest, feigning hurt “Ouch Skyla, you wound me.”
“I’d love to cook you a real meal... though it would be hard to tell whether or not you actually enjoyed it; you eat every meal like it’s your last.”
Settling back in his seat, and stretching his long arms out to the side “Never know. Might as well live, and eat, like it might be.”
Suddenly evrything that happened a year ago hits me like a bolt of lightenting, the nightmares awaiting me the next time I fall asleep; my smile disappears even though I’m trying my best not to let it break me. I drop my head to look at my hands on my lap, the tears threatening to spill over my lower lashes.
Before I can compose myself the sound of a chair scooting across the hardwood floor and large footsteps makes me feel embarrassed. Why can’t you hold it together? At least wait until you’re alone again!
“Hey, what it is?” He whispers, now squatting beside my chair. “Look at me.”
Don’t do it. Don’t let him see you cry. Just breathe... girl, b r e a t h e.
He turns my chair so that my body is now facing him, his knuckles white as he grips the seat of the dining chair tightly. There is a hint of desperation in his voice when he asks me again “Skyla, I need you to look at me... please.”
Slowly lifting my eyes to meet his and finally taking a breath of fresh air when I see his dark, almost black eyes looking back at me. “Your hands, they’re shaking...”
No, no, no. Girl, get it together! Don’t panic, no more panic attacks! You’re weak, you're helpless! Just give up already!
Forcing my trembling hands together, and finally gaining back some of my control even though my thoughts are still all over the place. He tilts his head as he looks at me, studying my face for clues.
“I’m sorry if I said or did anything...” he begins.
Interrupting him, I whisper “No, it’s not you... today is just, it’s...”
What do you say? You can’t up and tell some guy you just met that your husband and daughter were murdered a year ago… no matter how handsome and helpful he might be! You can’t just say that more days than not I wish I was dead too, can you? That the man (men) responsible for beating you, raping you, and leaving you for dead are still out there… walking freely.
His calm voice snaps me out of my racing thoughts, “This has happened twice now, it’s gotta be me.”
“I… I’m not ready to explain just yet; but it’s not you, or anything you’ve said or done… not exactly.”
There’s a hint of pain and pity in his voice as he looks me up and down, “Someone hurt you?”
Unable to will myself to speak, I simply nod. He helps to clear the table and clean the kitchen; the tension thick in the air. I avoid eye contact for fear of being looked at as though I’m fragile, or broken, even though it is eaxctly how I feel it's so much worse when someone recognizes it.
Catching him yawning; I’d almost forgotten he’s been at work all night. “You need to get some sleep.”
That sexy teasing smiling growing across his face, “Trying to get rid of me already?”
“Hardly, but I have a lot of work to get done before this afternoon.”
“What’s this afternoon? Gotta date?” Xavier questions, eyebrows raised in my direction.
“The ribbon cutting ceremony…” I state bluntly, crossing my arms we'd spoken about this just yesterday, “and grand opening.”
“Right, so you need a date?”
Rolling my eyes, and finally wearing a genuine smile “What good is my date if he’s exhausted? You’re welcome to crash here, I’m going to be busy.”
He shrugs before moving to lay on the sectional, I stop him by saying “What are you doing?”
“Just gonna pass out on the couch for a couple of hours... then I should be good as new.”
Shaking my head as I crook my finger to say follow me, “I can’t have you in here, I’ll be in and out all day. Come on, the spare bedroom isn't put together yet I haven't even brought the mattress I ordered up from the garage. You can have my bed, the sheets are clean and-”
He leans down whispering in my ear from behind me, “If you wanted me in your bed... all you had to do was ask.” his voice so low and sensual, it sends a shiver down my spine.
Trying to hide my reaction to his words I open the master bedroom door and show him inside, “It’s stays nice and dark in here even with the sun up, and should be plenty quiet.”
Practically pushing him towards my king-sized bed; he sits down slowly and kicks off his shoes, careful not to disturb anything. Stifling a laugh at his discomfort… all talk then, are we? “The remote to the lights and fan is on the nightstand, make yourself at home.”
After spending the rest of the day cleaning, setting up the dog spa, and dancing alone to music… the place is finally ready to show-off. With essential oil diffusers running in every corner the place smells amazing! With about two hours before the ribbon cutting ceremony it’s time to grab a bite to eat and change, having successfully distracted myself from what today really means… at least for now.
I make a few club sandwiches with what I have on hand, wondering whether or not the sexy man in my bed is awake yet, I let myself into the bedroom and quietly call his name into the darkness, “Xavier…”
Nothing, “Xavier… couple of hours my ass. XAVIER!” Fed up with trying to wake him nicely, I flip on the lights while leaning against the bedroom door.
He moans, stretching out on the bed… he’s taken off his shirt at some point and I can’t peel my eyes away from him; watching his muscles move, blushing slightly when he sits up and smiles at me.
“What time is it?” he asks, running his hands through his hair.
“A little after one o’clock… I made sandwiches if you’re hungry, but I really need to get myself ready.”
“Shit,” he mumbles “I didn’t mean to sleep all day. Is there anything I can do to help?”
“No, everything downstairs is ready… go eat while I shower, if you’re staying for the open house I might have some clothes that will fit you in the closet.”
He narrows his eyes at me, standing up from the bed and stepping closer at he pulls his T-shirt back over his head. My eyes wander down his chest and abs… how can one man be so gorgeous? It’s not fair, not fair at all. “Is there something wrong with my clothes?” he asks, clearly having noticed me checking him out.
“Not at all” I shrug “you just smell like the bar.”
“I can run home and change…” he begins.
Casually walking past him into my closet, and pulling out a long-sleeved, peach colored dress. It’s light weight and flows to the floor with a flattering waistline. It’s feminine and you’ll feel pretty but all your scars will stay covered.
“Eat first, if you change your mind check the left side of the closet.” I say with a smile before closing the bathroom door behind me. He’s going to wonder why you have men’s clothes in your closet. He’ll probably assume you’re with someone… you always wear that stupid ring, the silicone stand in you bought yourself because you're too delusional to let them go.
I just couldn’t part with everything of his, hidden away is the box of Bri’s things I couldn’t bare to part with either. It’s more painful to see reminders of her though… the few shirts and his favorite jacket bring me a little comfort. I wish they still smelled like him.
I take my time getting ready, making sure my makeup is natural and not too overdone. Styling my brown, waist-length hair in soft waves falling over my shoulders, only pinning back the front so I’m not fussing with it all night.
Out in the living room my breath catches at the sight of Jase’s jacket wrapped around Xavier’s slightly taller frame, hugging his body as if it had been made for him all along. Xavier turns around with a smile, having heard my heels tapping on the hardwood floor.
The dark jeans paired well with a black button down shirt and tie, the clean leather jacket makes him look sexy, the stubble on his sharp jawline adding to his bad boy aesthetic. “I hope this is alright, I borrowed the other shower while you were busy.”
Straightening the tie and shirt collar, I step back and smile “Who knew you cleaned up so well?”
“Yeah? Don’t tell anyone, alright?” He laughs, “You look beautiful.”
“Thank you” I manage before my cheeks grow warm. “I’m nervous. Thanks for sticking around today.”
He offers me his elbow, “Shall we?”
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