ECKO

My vision was blurry. And this time, I couldn't even attribute it to my less-than-adequate eyesight. This time, it was because I'd been staring at the same spot on my wall for what felt like forever, waiting impatiently for any news at all.

Time had long become an abstract concept, with minutes passing like eternities. And ever since I'd been banished from the Pack House and sequestered within the confines of my parent's house so that – as Uncle Benji put it – "the medical professionals can complete their work without the threat of Ecko interfering," an unsettling sense of restlessness settled into the very marrow of my bones.

Whining, I shoved my face into the duvet, curling even further into myself as Sana scratched endlessly at the forefront of my mind, just as desperate as I to prove them all right in their ploy to keep me away. Realistically, I knew that it was for the best. Of course I did. But it didn't help the ache in my heart, the vicious cramp in my gut that told me he needed me just as much as I needed him.

But instead, I was being taught a brutal lesson on patience, one that hurt so bad that the muffled scream that I let loose into the duvet nearly ripped my throat apart.

"Damn, you've got some lungs on you, lil' bro!" an unwelcome voice suddenly interjected, puncturing itself right through into my steadily encroaching depressive thoughts. "You ever considered trying screamo? I could put you in touch with some local bands that would be stoked to have you. You've got that adorable yet also completely insane vibe going on that they would totally dig." 

Even my cheeks flamed in embarrassment at being caught in the middle of what should have been a private emotional burst, I turned my head out of the blanket once, glaring at the sight of Nuri as he flounced his way into my room as if he owned the freaking place. Not skipping a beat, he sprawled out his long limbs on my carpet, nonchalantly spread-eagling across the cushy fabric.

"What the hell... I could have sworn that I locked my door," I muttered blankly, rubbing at my burning eyes which I had no doubt matched the color of my bright hair now. It was a testament to my mental state that I didn't even comment on the fact that he'd so confidently called me his little brother.

"Yeah, well. Nothing keeps me from getting what I want." The eternally monotone voice of my little sister suddenly joined the steadily growing posse as she slipped through the door behind my other brother. She used an unkinked paperclip like a toothpick as she smirked mischievously around it, leaning against the wall next to the door and crossing her legs at the ankle as she unabashedly showed me the tool she'd undoubtedly just used to pick the lock.

Nuri grinned proudly, pointing up at our sister with his own, matching toothpick that seemed to materialize out of thin air. "Taught her everything she knows. What a fuckin' prodigy. Stay tuned, 'cause for our next lesson, I'm teaching her how to really fuck some shit up."

Before I could even begin to form a reply to that highly alarming remark, Theon's large form busted through my door with a casually ridiculous phrase that he'd undoubtedly picked up from our slightly unhinged Uncle Tyrus. 

"Hey ho, Muchacho!" 

I groaned aloud as the sight of his brightly grinning form, complete with his neck pillow firmly secured and arms filled with bags of chips and other ridiculously unhealthy snacks, finally sent me over the freaking edge.

"Okay, what the fuck, you guys!?" I hollered as I sat up, smashing the closest available pillow to my pained chest as I fought against a new wave of tears that threatened to spill over. They weren't tears of gratitude, but rather tears of sheer overstimulation. "I'm literally experiencing the lowest point of my entire fucking life, and you guys pull this shit?!" The tears weren't just threatening anymore, but full-on attacking as they tumbled down my cheeks for what had to be the millionth time in the past twenty-four hours. And just like all of the rest, I was completely powerless to stop them. "Can't you tell I'm in pain?!"

With the conclusion of my outburst, a slightly awkward silence settled upon the room, the crinkle of the chip bags that still crinkled in Theon's giant arms doing nothing to cut through the tension. Gaia was the first to talk, pocketing her paperclip before pushing off the wall and making her way toward me. She settled down onto my bed next to me before she spoke, moving slowly as if I could snap at any moment.

Which... admittedly may have been a reasonably fair assumption, given my current circumstances that left me teetering precariously on the edge of losing it completely.

"We heard," Although still monotone as ever, Gaia's voice was surprisingly soft, taking on a gentle edge that was just as rare for her to use as it was for the sun to fall out of the sky. "About what happened."

My chest tightened as I looked at her, unable to say anything as tears filled my throat again. At this rate, I was going to cry out all of the fluids in my body. But then Theon stepped forward, concern creasing his brow.

"Yeah. And I was worried about you, squirt," he paused, taking the opportunity to take a seat on my other side, dropping his horde of snacks on the duvet beside him. "We all were."

"Well, not me. I never worry," Nuri took the opportunity to interject in his typical, against-the-grain fashion, "But I mightadmit that hearing about what happened gave me a renewed sense of urgency to finally figure out how to complete my seance circle and finally summon a proper demon to help fuck up whoever hurt your guy."

At that, the smallest hint of a somewhat pleasurable feeling began to intermingle with the dread and horror, and pain that threatened to pull me under. And before I even knew it, the corner of my lips were twitching up into the ghost of a smile – a barely-there thing that probably rivaled the pitiful ones Papa barely managed to conjure up when he was really, reallyhappy.

But of course, being fellow siblings who shared the same fathers, they were all quick to notice even the smallest hint of change in my features.

"There it is," Nuri grinned once more, kneeling at the side of my bed and resting his chin atop his heavily ringed fingers. I was grateful that he didn't reach over to touch or hug me like he usually would, seeing as to how I honestly wasn't sure if I could tolerate any physical contact outside of my mate, Dad, or Papa right now. "That's all that we were trying to do. We know this must be really fucking hard for you right now. And... we just wanted to see if we could cheer you up a little, that's all."

"Well, that and to bring you some comfort snacks. We thought you probably wouldn't have an appetite, but..." Theon added, trailing off as if he didn't exactly know how to finish his sentence. Either way, his thoughtfulness shone through.

Yet another beat of silence – this time soft – passed before I sobered up good enough to shove a few words through my teeth. Still, they came out as a sob.

"I... I don't even know his name," I looked down at my hands absently just for something to cling onto. "And what if," I gulped, "What if I never know it? What if he dies without even knowing that I exist? Without knowing that I cried for him? That I fought for him? That I already care about him so damn much?" I shivered through a brief pause. "I always imagined what it would be like to finally meet him. I'd dreamed of that magical moment more times than I could possibly count," my voice lowered, burdened with emotion, "But not like this. Never... never like this."

I didn't have to look to feel the empathetic gazes of my siblings from where they all surrounded me. And when they did each place one of their hands inside of my own, my skin didn't crawl as much as I expected it to. So, closing my fingers, I held tight.

They didn't say anything. They didn't need to. Their touch said it all.

"I love you guys," I rasped, lifting my head back up to give each of them a long glance. "I really, really do."

Their resounding 'we love you too's that echoed around the room were truly wonderful, but with one final squeeze, I let them know what I really needed.

"I'll be alright. I just... need time to process." I explained, giving them a tight-lipped look that I initially thought I could finesse into somewhat of a smile. But judging by the looks on their faces and the fact that it felt more like a grimace, that endeavor failed just as miserably as I felt inside. 

"Alright," Theon nodded, using his oldest sibling privileges to gesture to Gaia and Nuri that it was time to go. "We're right down the hall if you need anything though, alright? Seriously."

"Yeah, anything you need." Nuri seconded, to which Gaia echoed with a monotone, "Ditto."

With a few hasty shuffles and a few curses that definitely meant that they'd caused a pileup outside of the door, my siblings were gone, and I was right back where I'd started – staring at a random point in my room as I tried my best to focus on staying alive.

In addition to my garden, my room had also always been a safe space for me, a sanctuary I'd meticulously crafted over the years. The hand-knitted macrame baskets that hung from my walls and ceiling were my favorite, filling my ceiling with a natural canopy of draping vines and indoor plants that never failed to make me feel at peace, especially when I didn't have a chance to get out to tend to my vegetables in the garden. And my bumblebee nightlight – one of the main things I'd refused to give up since childhood – still projected weakly onto the light olive-green wall across from me.

Yet, as I swallowed down yet another whimper of despair, I couldn't help but feel as if those same walls that once brought me solace were steadily closing in, constraining my mind and imprisoning my spirit. And as it happened, I found the rest of me as nothing but a hopeless observer, as if my physical form stood completely apart, unable to make a connection to the agony unraveling within. 

Part 2 in Next Episode