Bagathon was the third most populated system in Human SOI, behind Home System and Colossus. It had three planets in the habitable zone and was a colonisation target long before humans had means of travelling fast between the stars. Colossus was the first colony because the subspace route to there was direct and easy; finding a good way to Bagathon took a whole century longer. Since then, three colonies were established and they had been growing ever since.

In the current orbital season, the subspace corridor BGT-A3 was in use; it led to an area close to Bagathon⁠󠁡 II, the smallest planet out of three. While Hopestar could easily land and take off on such a world, the colony didn’t have ground spaceports that could accommodate a ship this large. So, instead, they docked with the Bagathon II station.

It was better than nothing, better than not visiting at all. But the conversation with Gülnara left Irene with darker thoughts. How many stamped were there on the three planets? How many of them wanted to leave? How many of those could afford travelling to the space station? And how many could buy passage on a shuttle going between stations?

Mulling over this was pointless, of course. Irene wasn’t the one who planned routes or set prices. She wasn’t even asked to comment on any of that. And why would she? Her area of expertise was about whether they could land on any given planet and if the next station had a large enough dock for their planned overhauls; whether the fuel offered on site was up to par or if they needed to scramble for a better provider at an extremely short notice; whether their schedule was sustainable or if they had to slow down to allow for necessary maintenance. Did she even want to fill her head with numbers about made-up things, like finances? No. However, she knew a person who was involved in all of this.

And she needed to talk to her anyway.

After the docking finished and the disembarking passengers were off and cargo offload was in a full swing, there was an awkward unplanned ‘good luck on your trip’ party at the main airlock with all the senior chiefs watching Hoffman and Kamenev preparing to leave Hopestar for the first time in ages. Well, except for Andrade, of course. Irene wasn’t surprised; in his place, she also wouldn’t have come. However justified Robert’s criticism was, it wasn’t provided in much of a productive manner. 

Nikolai seemed excited and, at the same time, absolutely unfit to go anywhere but back to his bed. Every inhale sounded like pebbles rattling inside a metal box, his eyes were bloodshot, and, occasionally, his hands would start trembling. Yet, he tried to smile as Dr Batt was trying to direct his breathing aid’s air intake through a rebreather; there was no way to fit both on his face. Finally, with all the little cables and tubes tucked safely in a bag, the three of them stepped into the airlock corridor.

Zulu let out a short sigh and clicked her heels together. “So… I’ll be returning to my station. Need to check the projections in case we are leaving without them.”

Seidel nodded at this absentmindedly. She seemed focused on her own thoughts. She was the acting captain now, so no wonder. Irene watched Zulu go then turned to Seidel. Took a deep breath. “Do you also plan to go back to your station then?”

The Chief Steward rubbed her brow and squeezed her eyes tightly for a moment, trying to snap out of it. “Well… I actually planned to sit in Nick’s office for now. Just in case anyone pops up and requires assistance.”

Irene pumped herself up internally. “Well. What if I require assistance?”

Seidel looked at her for a moment. Finally, a little smile formed on her lips. “Okay. Would you be okay discussing it in the captain’s office then?”

“Yes, please.”

They didn’t talk in the lift pod but it wasn’t awkward; Seidel kept receiving and sending messages on her interface. She was always so busy. The crew were like a complex machine, Irene realised. Every person — a component. Seidel was an engineer in her own right: she could work with these components, see when something was malfunctioning, and find a solution. It just so happened that the components had free will and there wasn’t an over encompassing reference book to go to.

“Get comfortable.” Seidel gestured towards the same chairs they always used during operational meetings, three on either side of the long table. Then she shook her head. “Listen to me, acting like I am completely in charge.”

“But you are.” Irene smiled and took her usual seat. Seidel did the same, leaving the captain’s chair empty. “Miss Acting Captain.”

“Oh, please, just Petra is fine. We’ve known each other for so long.”

Irene blinked. Did they? Yes, of course, they’ve worked together for many years. But did they know each other? Somehow, even using the first name felt awkward. Irene thought of Seidel as this semi-mythical person despite seeing her every week. Their work just never intersected. 

“I hope you are doing well.” Seidel, no, Petra said. She put down her interface for a moment and folded her hands on the table, a small smile on her lips. “The responsibility must feel daunting. Hoffman’s are big shoes to fill.”

It felt like being punched in the gut. How did she do it? How could she take one look at a person and read them so well? What was the right reply to this? No, I am not doing fine, because I think Robert doesn’t trust me to take over now or ever? That didn’t seem fair. She was given a lot of responsibilities and he didn’t overlook her actions most of the time. And not feeling appreciated was just selfish.

“They are.” Irene managed to answer.

Petra sighed softly and leaned forward, her expression getting gentler. “You are doing great, though. Whenever we run into problems as stewards, I always advise others to go to you for solutions.” Her smile grew as her eyes narrowed. “Robert may be a genius, but getting him to remember your request is a challenge only the most patient of us can manage.”

Irene couldn’t help but chuckle, feeling her cheeks grow hot. “Yes, he is the rare type of an engineer who hates lists because he ‘can remember everything important as is’. We don’t have a heart to present him with all the times he forgot an important thing and we quietly dealt with it on our own.”

“Oh, that’s a huge mistake!” Petra snorted and shook her head. “I say, Robert needs such reminders a bit more often. He is really turning into a grumpy old man, and I am saying this as a grumpy old woman myself.”

“You are not old.” Irene blurted out. Panicked. “And I don’t mean just because of renovation! You are just… not.”

Amusement played in Petra’s eyes. She tilted her head slightly and nodded. “Why, thank you. Yet, I keep catching this grumpiness in me, and I am constantly trying to weed it out. I don’t think Robert ever tried doing that.”

“Well, of course. Men are not expected to interrogate their feelings.”

“Yeah, they aren’t.” Petra’s response was wistful.

“I didn’t imply you, of course.” Irene added awkwardly and regretted it right away.

Petra’s expression changed. She was still smiling but it was colder. “I didn’t assume you would. But I won’t deny that this last comment stung just now. I understand it wasn’t your intention, so let’s write it off as ignorance on your part and move past it.”

Irene stared at the table, fighting major embarrassment. Well, she had to fuck it up. Why did she always find the worst thing to say thereby turning nice people off?

Once again, Petra was the first to give a peace offering. “You said you required assistance?”

Irene sighed and found courage to meet her eyes. “Uh, yeah. It’s nothing much. I just wanted my marital status reset in the ID.”

Petra blinked, surprised. “You are married?”

She couldn’t help but smile sadly. “I was, yes. Perhaps you remember Gülnara Karachkova? She was a Systems Engineer before leaving seven years ago.”

Petra tapped her interface pen over her lower lip. “Gülnara, Gülnara… Was she the one who could pick up a chair with a steward sitting on it while another sat on her back?”

This made Irene burst out laughing. What a weirdly specific and absolutely useless description of something that happened once on a crew party after Gülnara had a bit too much to drink. “Yes, yes, that’s her. She went back to live on Earth. We haven’t been close for many years, so the marriage token doesn’t matter much.”

There was sympathy in Petra’s expression. “I understand… I hope she is doing as well as possible on Earth.”

Irene nodded. “She is part of this whole commune of stamped folk. The way she talks about it, sounds like a paradise…” She couldn’t help but feel sad. “... and I thought Hopestar was a paradise.”

“Hopestar is. Just a very small one.”

“Are we?” Irene looked up. The concerns she was bottling up in the past week were finally spilling out. “How are we of any use to those who need us most? Those who can’t buy a ticket? Even here, on Bagathon, why are we here, at this station, and are not visiting the rest of them? Yes, we have a shuttle in our cargo bay that will serve the stamped on K’chs, but only because they could buy it and pay the delivery fee in the first place.

“What about those who can’t do any of that? What about those who just want to live their lives in safety at the same place where they were born? What if they want to leave but, because of how SOI operates, they have little to no hope to ever afford a ticket! And if they can, we never visit their planet but dock with the space station instead. It all makes Hopestar quite useless, don’t you think?”

Irene rubbed her forehead as her lips trembled. These words didn’t sound right to describe the conflicting emotions inside her. She needed so many more of them to start making any sense.

“No, I don’t think Hopestar is useless.” Petra said gently. She wasn’t smiling but she didn’t look angry either. “Yes, we are a large passenger liner, but at the end of the day we are just one ship. We have a large crew but not enough to call ourselves a corporation either. Yes, we are probably bigger than anything the stamped were allowed to build inside the SOI and we have responsibilities to them. But we also can’t do everything.

“We are not some governmental structure, we don’t collect regular taxes. We have to exist between two, even three economic systems. And in the SOI it means money. But it’s not going into making somebody rich. It goes into ensuring the crew can live decently. It goes into keeping the ship safe. And if there is enough left, it gets donated.”

“Donated?” This was news for Irene.

Petra nodded, a smile returning to her lips. “Yes. Maybe not as much as would satisfy the loudest critics, but Hopestar does donate to different associations on Earth, Colossus, Wells, and even to multi-systems projects. And outside of SOI, the cargo we haul often is not paid for. Or not equally exchanged. Because we can offer much more than anyone on mixed colonies can offer back. And we don’t mind. 

“Hopestar is just that - a beacon of hope. Are we perfect? No. Can it be done better? I am certain it can. I am sure, Nikolai is always ready to listen to suggestions and consider criticism.” Her expression saddened. “Yes, he isn’t in any shape to address most of them currently… But it won’t be like this forever. He’ll get better. Or…”

But she didn’t finish. Or he would retire, Irene decided. Yes, they were looking at the chance of him retiring. And nothing scarier.

“I don’t want to dismiss how you feel, Irene.” Petra finally said after a pause. “Those are all fair worries. I hope you’ll find things to hold on to despite it. We all eventually have to do that.”

“Or?” Irene looked up at her, feeling the hanging ending of the sentence.

“Or we leave Hopestar. To start a different life. To do what seems more important.”

Irene didn’t have anything to reply with. They sat in silence for some time, sharing the contemplative moment. Finally, Petra looked down at her interface, tapped the screen with her pen several times and authorised something through the ID scan. 

“Here. You are no longer married as far as Hopestar logs are concerned.” She looked back at Irene intensely. “I hope you find freedom in this to see past what you are used to. And figure out what you would actually want. Because you deserve to lead the life you wish for. And everyone does. We are just fortunate to have a better chance of doing so.”