Chapter 2 – How to cook a Pad Thai

“---- The worst form of inequality is to try make unequal things equal----“

2005 July 3^rd, 7.00 am, Sala daeng station,

Hwa and kerl headed through a small doorway to an underground plaza. The plaza was lighted up only by the lights of the signs on shops, it was so dark even if someone got stabbed no one would notice nevertheless it was crowded. Reeked of spices from all over the world, fresh printed paper, fabric and sweat. Hwa kept on walking till he reached the other end of the plaza. He stopped to look up to see the sign ‘mellow ogre ‘and headed straight into the shop.

The shop resembled that of a typical antique shop, not grandeur nor modest. After a couple of minutes a voice screamed, “Get in”. Heeding to it they ventured further into the shop.

“This old hag always scares me…. I can hear something crunching under my feet. She is disgusting. That damned old hag.” Thought to himself Hwa as he headed into the store.

“State your affairs, Hwa my darling boy.” Said an old lady with a head far bigger than that of an average person. The balance between the size of her head and body were conflicting. She hooded herself to hide her built.

“Our stuf—Our shipment….” Averted his eyes Hwa.

“Fufu…. You seem docile as ever, little Hwa.”

Old hag reached toward Hwa, Face close enough to kiss him. Hwa was shocked, stood without flinching his eyes even for a second. The old lady stretched her long tongue out as if she was about to tongue kiss Hwa. Hwa, reactionless stood as a wood. Old hag licked Hwa’s eye balls with her long tongue and headed back to her throne.

“By gist I understand the situation… hmumh…. You’re eyeballs taste weird. By any chance do you still smoke that cursed ‘Marauder’ smokes?”

“Y-yes.”

“Hmmm…. Thought so…. Can’t even feast on you. That silky skin of yours makes my mouth watering. The thinness of your skin… whoa, with a pinch I could tear it off…. Hmph…. But can’t help it you damned smoker. How many times should I tell you to quit” Uttering those words to herself loud enough for only Hwa to hear. She kept on searching for something.

“Hahhah…..I’m terrified of you, that’s why I keep smoking hag.”

With a huge ‘shriek’ sound she pulled out a white cat out of the rubble by its neck and gently kissed on its eye and brought it to Hwa.

“Take this one with you, It will take you where your supplies—stuffs are.”

Grabbing it with his both palms, Hwa chuckled lightly.

“Can I even trust this cat to guide me to where the red paradise is at, huh? Like it is really just a white cat… not a dog but a cat. Dogs are the natural trackers but a cat? A cat? Neko? goyang-I? gato? A cat kissed by an old lady, huh? un gato besado por una anciana? This old hag. Nopa….”

Hwa took some money, Thai baht from his top shirt pocket and left it on the table in front the old woman. Although Hwa seems to complain the methods and creditability of the old woman he seemed vaguely familiar with her fees.

“Do you want some pad Thai I am about to prepare?” Asked the old lady.

“I assume it’s clean, chicken? Beef? Pork? Or mutton? Or shrimp? Or—?”

“No, my dear boy. No doubts necessary. I can but guarantee you the taste.” Said Old lady with a grin as she took out a freshly chopped boneless out of the refrigerator and laid it on table. She hand gestured pointing at the fresh meat slices she was proud of.

“Do you know where the pad Thai’s taste lies at?” Asked Old lady.

“No.” Said Hwa as he nodded.

“It’s not the ingredients, the amount of time taken to prepare. All lies on the skills of the cook. And I happen be the best cook of pad Thai…. Hahaha.” Old lady began to set aside the cooked noodles and stirred together the fish sauce, soy sauce, brown sugar, rice vinegar, sriracha, and some peanut butter.

“Sauté protein, Hwa.”

“What?”

“Fufufu…. Meat my boy.” Said Old lady as she began to heat 1^1/2 table spoon of oil in a large sauce pan over medium high heat and added the meat and cooked it till it was done.

 “Pass the beaten eggs.”

She pushed the cooked meat aside to add a little more oil to add the beaten eggs and scrambled breaking them into small pieces with the spatula.

 “Why is this old lady doing a session on how to cook a Pad Thai? The best kind of Pad Thai for me is the one that I hand pick the ingredients and cook.”

She added the noodles, sauce, bean sprouts and peanuts to the pan and began to combine.

“Meat, huh?”

“Yes, Little Hwa?”

“You said the skills was the most important to food right? But isn’t that the personal one – sided opinion of yours?”

“What do you mean, Hwa?” she topped it with green onions, cilantro, peanuts and lime wedges.

“Don’t the ingredients play the major part at cooking, huh? I mean the most important in the cooking is the ingredients not the skills.”

 “I sounded like a picky eater but that’s not the case.”

“I won’t eat the food you made today, however mouth water and beautiful it may look. I won’t eat it today even it was prepared by the kitchen god, Zao Jun. I won’t eat this meat. And you do know this well since you are preparing enough for just a single serving.”

“Yes I do know that.” Said Old lady as she transferred the cooked pad Thai to the plate to dine.

“I think, the way you talk up to elders and being picky about the food is how numbskull you are. Khn ngò. Khn ngò. Khn ngò.” Said old lady with her mouthful of pad Thai, the sauce spilling out of her mouth and gaps of her teeth.

“Picky, it may sound like that or to a psychological extent I am sensitive to the smells and textures or I might have an anxiety to try something from others or a much basic and simpler psychological response is that I hate to even try the ‘human meat’.”

“It is disgusting….. It is disgusting to eat your own kin.” Said Hwa.

“Disgusting, you say? Disgust, you know, you people are not disgusted by the thought of eating human but idea of human meat. You should be disgusted by the lower beings like chicken, fish and beef but you all are disgusted by your own kin, whereas I am an enthusiast of life itself. I respect and value each and every life the same, chicken and human are same for me. I am beyond your disgust, little Hwa.” Said old lady as she finished her cooked Pad Thai

Hwa stood up to leave grabbing onto the white cat she had given him.

“Oi, do you even know how many fast food meat are not what they claim it to be?” Asked Old lady.

“Yeah, I have some ideas and also the people out there too. But they choose to stay in the dark, ignorant. Isn’t ignore a bliss, Busarakham.” Said Hwa as headed out of the room.