Warning: Child abuse, assault, strong language, murder and death

VOLUME ONE: PROLOGUE

What are you trying to survive from? Are you trying to survive high school life? Trying to achieve that nice grade so your mother will look at you? Or are you trying to survive college in hopes of graduating with honours so that you can finally be accepted by your father?

What does survival entail for you? Are you an orphan living on the chilly winter streets, hoping to survive till next summer? Are you hiding beneath your bed, praying that your mother won't have any more bruises when you wake up the next day?

Or are you more like me? Someone who had long since lost the ability to survive?

"You rotten brat!" My cheek swells up in searing pain, the skin no doubt turning red from the impact. My bag of Korean fried chicken crashes to the floor, the boxes and sauces opening and splattering all over the floor. I say nothing and keep my head low as my drunken father continues to shout at me. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

I glance at the clock hanging on the wall above the kitchen, sighing when I realize it's broken. I turn my gaze back to my shoes and clasp my hands together. I'm tired, I think to myself as I open my mouth. "It's 7 pm." I state unequivocally.

"Oh! So you think you can just come and go as you please now that you're a legal adult?!" My father shouts, pointing a finger at me. "This is my damn house woman! You do not have any authority here!" He jabs his chunky finger into my chest harshly, causing me to stumble back and hit the door. Why is he acting so stern right now? Why is he still at home when he should be out drinking? He's usually out drinking with his coworkers right now!

My gaze wanders over the apartment I share with my drunken father. The fridge has been fully ransacked, the carton of milk I had is knocked over, and the contents are leaking out. The beds are a complete mess, with blankets strewn about and beds turned over. The apartment's cupboards are all open, and stuff has been flung around. My eyes widen in horror as the realization dawns.

My damn father borrowed money yet again! Loan sharks came looking for what he owes!

I shift my sight to the other side of the room, where my small nightstand has been knocked over, the drawer taken out and flung aside. The necklace I had stashed beneath the drawer is no longer there. It was almost certainly seized by loan sharks. I clench my fists, attempting to keep my aching rage inside.

When I turn to face my father, I notice a faint bruise around his right eye and tissue jammed up his nose, blood still flowing down. His face is covered in cuts and bruises. How much money did he borrow for the loan sharks to beat him up like this?

"How much did you borrow this time?" I ask. My emotions are all over the place.

"Stupid girl! How dare you contradict me!" He throws his hand into the wall beside my head, making me flinch. "You think you're high and mighty just because you have a job, and you're going to college!" I bite my bottom lip, attempting to keep my cool. Because my neighbours can most likely hear everything, someone is going to contact the cops and save me. They've always done it. "You're a whore just like your mother! All you're ever good for is raising children! How dare you think you're better than me just because you're a college student!"

Just take it, like you've always had, I breathe in deeply and close my eyes. "Ha!" My father laughs. "And now you're ignoring me?!" Something hits the side of my head causing me to slump backwards into the door, and I feel something dripping down my face. As warm liquid flows down the side of my head, the sound of the beer bottle bursting fills my ears. I flinch when I lift my hand to touch the cut. Biting my lower lip more, I try to hold in the tears. I don't need to show him how weak I am. "Without me, you're nothing! I created you! You are nothing!" He screams out.

I instinctively hunch down in pain as I feel his fist strike my stomach. He snatches my hair and hurls me to the ground. "It should have been you that died instead of your brother!" He lifts a leg and kicks at me as I curl up in an attempt to protect my body. "As weak as he was, he had a bright future, unlike you! You aren't anything!"

You can handle it, Hyewol, this isn't new. You can bear with the pain, just a little longer.

As my father continues to kick and punch at my body, I close my eyes and hold my breath to help lessen the pain. I do my best to keep in my cries, showing him how weak I am will only cause him to harm me even more. A loud knock fills the room, putting an end to my father's onslaught.

"Mr Lee? "Is everything all right?" That voice belongs to the foreigner who lives next door, Betty. An elderly woman who enjoys cooking. "I heard a loud crash."

"Yes," my father coughs, turning his back on me and facing the door.

"Are you sure?" Betty inquires.

My father pushes open the door just enough to peer out. "My daughter just tripped and fell. You know teenagers and how clumsy they can be," he jokes.

Now, I can escape. I get on my knees and push myself off the floor. I stagger towards the door, pushing my father out of the way. I startle Betty by pushing the door open and running down the apartment steps. When I get to the bottom, I sprint along the street and down an alleyway, hoping to put some distance between myself and my father.

I only come to a halt when I feel a searing ache in my foot. I stop and glance down discovering a large shard of glass in my foot. I can feel the tears stinging my eyes as I lean against the wall, sobbing. "How much longer must I endure all this pain?" I ask myself as I stare at my bloodied foot. "How many years has it been, Jinwol?"

Jinwol.

My brother.

My twin.

My other half.

The only reason I continued to survive.

Stolen from me, only three years ago.

"How many more years must I barely live without you?" I muttered as I remembered how safe I felt with him by my side. My brother was the only family I had that cared about me. Not my mother, my father, or aunts and uncles.

My twin was the only one who supported me. Who fought alongside me against our parents' harsh words. Who protected me from the bullies at school. He even took a bullet for me. Our house was robbed on the day my brother died.

Gunmen looking for valuables killed both my mother and brother. That night, I was suppose to die, but my twin took the bullet instead. I look down at my hands, recalling the blood on them as I cradled my dying twin.

Three years have passed since that day, he remained sixteen and I just turned nineteen.

"Live for me, Hyewol."

I close my eyes, trying to forget that night. Clenching my fists I stood up properly, taking a deep breath i limp down the alleyway. The cold air chills me and I wrap my arms around myself to try to stay warm. "I should have grabbed my jacket before leaving" I mumble to myself.

I gaze up at the night sky, which is filled with gloomy clouds. "You've always loved the snow, Jinwol. Would you be waiting for the first snowfall if you were here right now?" I question softly.

While Jinwol and I were twins, we were always so opposite of one another. Jinwol loved the frigid winter days, while I huddled in bed, wishing for summer to arrive sooner. He enjoys anything chilly, while I enjoy anything that reminds me of summer.

Maybe this winter I'll stay up and watch the first snowfall. For Jinwol.

The sound of footsteps echoes throughout the alleyway drawing my attention behind me. A cloaked figure stands at the far end of the alleyway. I half turn my body to look at them, judging from their body build they are male.

I gaze at him as he simply stands there staring at me. "C-can I help you?" I inquire, my voice low, but I know he heard me because of the tiny head movement he made. As the man says nothing, I wrap my arms around myself tightly. Okay, this is strange; I need to leave. I turn back and begin limping away as quickly as I can.

As soon as I begin walking, footsteps follow me and I shiver. I peek over my shoulders and see the man following me, not too close but he's not too far either. Who is this person? I face in front of me and continue to walk.

I try to remain calm as I limp down the street, the footsteps sound louder behind me and I panic. Biting my lip to keep my screams in I break out into a run, trying to escape this strange man. I run down alleyways and turn corners hoping to lose him but he seems to only be catching up.

I struggle to breathe as the cold air burns my lungs, and my foot becomes numb as the glass shard digs itself deeper into my foot. I look over my shoulder just as I round a corner only to bump into someone and fall. "Help me-" I look up and freeze as I stare into the black eyes of another man, wearing a cloak. His eyes shimmer with gold as he stares down at me.

"I finally found you" his voice is soft. A strange light orange mist surrounds his body as he approaches me.

Move, Hyewol! Run! I stagger to my feet, trying my best to stay a good distance away from the dangerous man in front of me, something about him sends shivers down my spine. My eyes watch as the light orange mist begins to mix with a dark blue colouring.

What the hell is happening? My eyes widen as the man steps closer. "I'm so sorry," the man says. His hand reached to something inside of his pocket. "If I had any other choice I wouldn't be here. I hope that you can forgive me."

"Wha-" I gasp. A sharp pain fills my chest as I look at the hoodie man. Blood drips down my chin as I cough it up. He stabbed me, I think as the man rips the knife from my chest, before stabbing me once again and this time knocking me to the ground.

Is he from the loan sharks? Was this my father's doing? Or was I in the wrong place at the wrong time?

As I fall to the ground the man cradles me in his arm, his strong arms hold me to his chest as he softly runs his fingers through my dirty brown hair. His black eyes stare at me. "I'll stay here with you, so you aren't alone in your final moments" he softly says.

Who is this man?

I cough again, this time unable to hold in my cries of pain. Tears mix with blood. My entire body aches. "It's okay" the man soothes

The mist around his body changes again, the orange is completely gone. Dark blue mixed with light blue merge together. What is this? What do those colours mean?

"When you find me in the future, I'll apologize properly. I'll get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness" He continues to stroke my head, almost lullying me to sleep. "I am sorry." I ignore his words and look towards the night sky. Soft white slowly falls from the sky and I couldn't help the small smile that grace my lips as I close my eyes. 

I saw the first snowfall this winter before my death. And now I am finally joining your side, Jinwol.