I rip my hand out of Leah’s instinctively, not wanting to be touched for fear I might break apart.
“Sorry” I mumble, “I-I-I can't. I need to leave '' I get out before I run out of the office, banging open the doors and running up the stairs till I get to my room and slam the door behind me, my heart pounding in my ears all the while. I slide to the floor against the door with my face in my hands.
I can’t believe I just did that. I completely threw my emotions away and felt numb. I hate that feeling. I know I did the right thing and figured out why they were killed but the tightening in my chest just won’t go away. I can’t get this weight off my chest no matter what I do. Will I have to live with this guilt drowning me forever?

“Come on” Brooke sighs, throwing popcorn at me, “Brad is totally going to choose Jisele.”
“But he has such good chemistry with Chloe” my mum scoffs, sipping from her glass of white wine.
I smile at the two most important women in my life. Brooke sits on the floor in front of us, hogging the popcorn bowl in front of us. Occasionally putting up so we can grab a handful. Mum sits to my left, curled up with a blanket.
“Come on Beth, she’s clearly more into him then he is into her” Brooke argues joyfully, lifting popcorn for my mum to grab.

“Sounds like someone else we know” mum mocks, both of them looking over to me.
“Don’t look at me like that” I moan, “you make it sound so sad.”
“It IS sad, baby. He doesn’t see what’s right in front of him. He’s an idiot” My mum jests, placing down her wine glass on the coffee table and beginning to plait Brooke’s long black hair.
“Beth’s right. I still think you should ask him out before school finishes.”
“And get rejected and lose a great friend? No way” I sigh. “Watch your damn show, you two.” 

“Fine” Brooke huffs.
“Also he’s totally going to pick Chloe” I add.
“Hey! No ganging up” Brooke whines. 

I laugh but it’s cut off as the lights go out.
“Mum? Brooke?” 

No answer.

I try to stand, using my hand to push off the couch but my palm slips, liquid seeping between my fingertips.
The squelching makes me nauseous, blind in the dark.
“Mum?” 

I shield my eyes as a bright spotlight drops on the end of the couch.
I scream as I fall off the couch, almost slipping again in the process. My mother lays in a pool of blood, seeping into our old cream couch.
“Jesus, this is horrendous,” a police man suddenly appears in front of her, the room suddenly bright with lamps and cameras flashing white light, men scouring the scene.
“Let me in!”
I can hear myself screaming from far away and I run for the hallway trying to stop this scene I've gone over and over again from unfolding.
“Don’t come in” I cry to another me as she runs through my body as if I'm air and is followed by an officer who quickly grabs her.
I can’t stand hearing my own agonising screams and I run for the front door. The moment I step over I'm suddenly in my apartment that I share with Brooke. The place isn’t like it normally is, dishevelled when it should be tidy.
“Valerie?”
I fall to my knees as Brooke suddenly appears in front of me, completely covered in blood, the black hair she took such careful care of matted with blood.
“I think i’m dying” she sobs, stepping closer to me, falling to her knees as well. “I don’t want to die.”
“I’m sorry, i’m so so sorry” i cry, crawling to her and gathering her in my arms. “I’m so so sorry.”
“It’s your fault” she whispers into my ear, “this is all your fault.”
She’s pulled from my grasp by a bloody Brandon, pulling her by the hair as she shrieks.
“Please, stop! Please!” I scream but I'm held down by some invisible force. I try to reach out but my hand can’t get close enough.
Brandon places a knife on Brooke’s throat. “This could have been avoided if you’d just come with me. This is your fault.”
“NO!” I scream and I'm sprayed with hot blood. 

“Valerie!” Brooke gargles. 

“Valerie! Wake up!” Jason shouts and I jolt up in bed. I throw my hand at him but he grabs it easily and holds it, curling his fingers with mine. “It’s okay, you’re okay” he repeats, holding my hand against my rapidly beating chest.
“Jason?” I croak, trying to figure out where I am.
“It’s me, you’re okay. It wasn’t real.”
I’m slick with sweat, the sheets damp as I look around, trying to convince myself I'm still not trapped in my own personal hell.
It’s dark, the only light from the moonlight outside pouring in. 

I’m in the gang’s house. I’m okay.
I try to settle my breathing, wiping my sleep tears away.
“You're okay, Valerie. You're safe” Jason’s soothing voice fills the room.
“No i’m not” i wail, gasping for air as i aggressively cry. “I’m not safe. The people I loved were murdered and I'm next. I don’t want to die!” I practically scream,wrapping my arms around Jason’s torso, clinging for dear life.
“Shhh, we won’t let that happen” Jason whispers into my ear as he holds me against him. He rubs my back as I sob, trembling in terror.