In a dilapidated roofless building with barely standing walls and frames of broken glass glowing crimson under a blood-red sky, I lay down in a shallow puddle, it moved like water, smelt of blood and would not let me go, a coarse hateful voice reaches out from beyond my view. It pierces the silence with its malicious intent, snarling and snapping as if to try and scare me. Tired of seeing no reaction it howls out in a whisper in a deafening chorus.  

"Only A fool Sleeps in the presence of the enemy. WAKE UP!"  

A sharp nudge in my side woke me up immediately, I shot up fully alert, bringing my fists to my side and ready to fight whatever nudged me. My heart racing like its turbo just kicked in. My breath was shallow and quick. As the darkness of sleep faded from my eyes, I saw him.  

"Auhh, brother Joshua so glad you volunteered please say the closing prayer." Pastor Elijah, A well-built coloured man with buzz-cut salt and pepper hair despite his reasonably young age. His strong eyes let me down as I tried to stutter out a response. As Pastor Elijah lowers his head it makes it clear that there will be no way for me to complain about this. This must have been retribution for my falling asleep during the sermon.  

I feel a lighter nudge on my leg and see my mother Mary a middle-aged woman whose green eyes shone with a sharp intent as she elbowed me again provoking me to prayer. Her yellow Sunday dress meant to symbolize joy was wasted on her in her anger.  

"~~huuh~~" I sigh silently. What did that mutt get me into.

"O lord we come to you today to thank you for the message we have received. Grant us Patience, judgment and discernment." I keep my eyes on my mother as I say that and see her twitch. With a grin, I continued.  

"I pray that you will open our minds and give us the wisdom to move us forward during the week."  

"A~humm" the congregation agrees and nods their heads as I shake mine.  

"Please guide us through this week, allow us to make the right choices, and guide our feet down the path to your glory."  

" Praise, Brother, Praise" a sister on the side called out from the opposite pews.  

"For Thow is the kingdom, the power, and the glory. Forever and ever." I Continued.  

"Aman!" The congregation cheered and clapped.  

"amen?" I whisper as I close my eyes and lower my head.   

...  

The congregation begins to disperse as paster Elijah rushes to the mic.  

"Please remember to talk to your cell group leaders about the Father's Day service in a few weeks." I hear that and try to keep calm as I get held up by the wide-brim hat committee throwing out their comments and chipping me down to my last nerve.  

"Aaaah. Brother Joshua, can I get a moment of your time please." Pastor Elijah says with a smile. I smile back gladly taking the opportunity to escape the clutches of the nagging tannies.  

"Sure, I'm sure my mother won't mind that." We walk off together pastor Elijah and towards his office. Once we arrived in his office and took our seats, we held a tense moment of silence.  

"You know sister Verona is trying to set you up with her daughter, right?" He asked with a chuckle.  

"I saw it coming from a while away like her forehead" Pastor Elijah holds a shocked expression then.  

"Haa, ha, haa, haaaaa." He burst out laughing. Closing his eyes as the tears flow from the corners of his eyes.  

"I haven't had such a good laugh in a while. Huyaah." Paster Elijah exhaled with a smile. Wiping his eyes and calming down before he met my eyes then asked.  

"I wanted to ask if you were available for Father's Day?" I shook my head immediately and stood up.  

"sorry! Please wait" Paster Elijah quickly protested as I bolted to his office door. Only stopping out of court to not cause a scene. not turning around I protest.  

"No, We agreed that I would talk to you if, and when I was ready," I said with all the calm I could muster to not shout and cause more gossip.  

"waiii..." I closed the door on him not patient enough to hear the rest. closing myself off I slip through the crowd and make my way out of Calvyn Protestant Church Paarl and on the way home. Walking the path home, I take the more scenic route to avoid anybody. Clutching my cross pendant as I get as far away as I can.  

Reaching a robot, I'm forced to stop, dry heaving in an attempt to calm down and not vomit. I stay like that for probably over a minute. The people gave me a wide breadth before moving on. Pulling myself together I click on the walk sign as I check both ways before I walk even when it's green for me. The silence was more comforting to me than any words as I slowly walked home.  

Checking both ways as I jump from pavement to pavement preparing myself for the storm brewing at 8 Rose Street. walking home looking both ways as I cross the streets on my path home. When I reach the main road, I freeze and begin to slowly breathe to stop myself from having a panic attack. pulling myself back from the edge the realization of what I just did hit me.  

Racing home I had luckily reached home first I let myself in through my window. I want to toss my Sunday best, but I could barely get my tie off before I got hit in the back of the head.  

"Don't Mistreat even your clothes, if you can't even treat the small things properly how will you be able to take care of anything more valuable."  

The beautifully painful words rip through my mind, I could stop myself from crying but not from smiling. How many years? 10? How could I forget? Slowing down I handle my suit piece by piece step by step making sure I got it straight. Standing almost bare I clutch my necklace and take a moment of silence, I luckily don't need to think about the next part putting on the white t-shirt with the jeans, I realize I left my Tackies in front and His hoodie was in the drying rack. Tying my shoulder-length curly light brown hair back into a bun, I Pull away from the wardrobe and turn to my door and feel unbearable pressure. The pressure was so that I couldn't run out the window but couldn't open the door. Almost as if to mock me the door opens for me. I pull out my necklace from under my shirt and kiss the cross for good luck. Slowly making my way into the hall I walk, not of my own free will, but pulled in, by an extreme force. As soon as I close the door behind me. slowly creaking shut till. Bang! 

"Is jy uit be fock!!!" The shout resonates throughout the walls only increasing the intensity behind her rebuke. Finally turning the wall, into the kitchen, I came face to face with my mother. Not the saint that she was in church anymore finally showing her true face before me. The anger etched on her face sadly distorted the fact that she was only 41.  

Though not too tall, maybe just a head shorter than me, her intensity forced me down till we were at eye level. Finally looking into her emerald, green eyes I see the sadness bubbling up, it had been a long time since we had been this honest with each other. It was probably 7 years ago, 3 years after the accident.  

"Ma! Eks ... ek is." I begin stuttering out. The Front door slowly began to creek open.  

"Helloooo, Anybody Home?" the cheery voice boomed from the front hallway. In that short moment of silence that followed, before we replied, we fixed ourselves up.  

"We're in the kitchen darling come here." A joyful laugh was the only response as the little man with his buzz vut brown hair and wearing his tiny grey suit that made his green eyes pop, he charged his way into the kitchen. Turning the corner in a huff he charges for Mom who starts to bend down to give hug him. Charging full force, he hugs and tackles her, almost forcing her into the ground. Chuckling light-heartedly, she warns.   

"Careful Honey, you almost knocked me flat onto the floor." pulling away with a worried look on his face just to be tacked back as Mom pounced on him causing an eruption of laughter that even I couldn't escape from. The echoing of hard leather on the wood floor heralded the arrival of Joseph Mentoor and pulled me out of the laughter. A well-dressed man rounded the corner his dark blue suit, that matched his eyes, without a crease even so late into the day. His short curly black hair slicked back atop his head, face wrinkled more from smiles than from age. In his hands the reason they were delayed shopping bags. with a nod he Hands off the bags to me and with a nod I accept, he goes off and greets my mom. pulling her off the floor into a hug.  

"Mmwa" the kiss echoes in the kitchen Looking like the troubles of this morning finally left her.  

"Thanks for doing the shopping, Jacob, I really appreciate it." She responded with a smile. I walk the 2 steps to the cupboards and begin unpacking.  

Finally, strong-arming the rest of the bags, I made my way to the kitchen where the first set of shopping was packed away before Jacob turned to me.  

"You didn't need to bring everything in at once."  

"I did, but it's not a problem." setting the bags on the table I get to work. Mom turned away from Jacob and towards James and me.  

"James could you do me a big favor and help your big brother set the table up for me please."  

"Yes I can, I get the knives and forks." He shouts in excitement, grabbing onto my jeans he pulls me into the dining room. I give up on shaking him off and just listen to Mom, to get out of the kitchen.    

"C'mon let's go." He cheers excitedly not letting up he basically drags me along as an accessory to his mission. So begins the most challenging part of the day .... Sitting down for a family meal.