I, Penelope

By

Amanda Hamlin

Chapter One

Dungeon Master III

Part III

Continue from Chapter 1, Part II

Kendra, Robert, Sven, and I are at the mall.  We're going to see an action movie.  It won by a vote of three to one.  Kendra's romantic comedy lost (an irony that makes me want to crack up, although I politely restrain myself).  But she finds ways to make the movie work for her anyway.  When a car suddenly explodes on screen in a burst of flames, she squeals and grabs Sven's arm.  I do not do the same with Robert.  I know he isn't interested in me because he likes pretty, feminine girls, the kind of girls who would squeal and grab a guy's arm in a movie.  I'm not the kind of girl who does that, so he doesn't want me, therefore, I don't do it.  My excellent use of logic must be what got me into advanced math.

As we sit there, I'm keenly aware that our couples (or potential couples) are horribly mismatched.  Sven and I look very similar with our loose, uncombed hair and baggy T-shirts and jeans.  Kendra isn't exactly the cheerleader type that Robert likes but she has an athletic build and looks cute in her crop top and shorts with flowers on the back pockets. Robert, as always, has on a crisp, button-down shirt, and slacks with his hair neatly trimmed and brushed back.  He never looks fifteen.  More like thirty and on the way to a business meeting.  I think I like him because he is always serious and dignified, like me.  Next to us, Sven and Kendra are poking each other and giggling.  I turn away in disgust.  In the dark, Robert looks like he might be disgusted too.  The fact that we agree on this give me a faint hope that I might have a chance with him.

After the movie, we wander towards the doors of the mall to go outside and sit on the grass.  As we walk, Robert takes his fedora and sets it on his head at an angle.  Sven just can't resist.  He reaches behind Robert and knocks his hat forward.  Robert gives him a death glare, then readjusts his hat with an expression of pained superiority.  Kendra and I exchange glances and her desire to laugh is a little too infectious.  In less than thirty seconds, Sven repeats this maneuver.  

"If you touch my hat again, I will kill you,” says Robert grimly.  Right on cue, Sven makes an exaggerated gesture and places one finger on the edge of Robert's hat.  He's grinning like a madman and the immaturity of it is making me nauseous like cottage cheese that's been left out in the sun too long.   Again, Robert seems to agree with me and punches Sven hard, aiming at his head but hitting his shoulder instead as he dodges.  I hear Kendra suck in her breath, and I can tell she is concerned about her "sweetheart" getting injured.  Mentally, I’m impressed by Robert.  We two understand that we need to fight to maintain our dignity.  It is so important that we not be dragged down to the adolescent level of other people.  And if it takes violence to ensure that…so be it.  But Sven won't quit.  A brawl is exactly what he's been itching for and he hits back at Robert, grinning more than ever.  Now, they're at it, punching, dodging, and blocking.  But Robert still retains his aloofness, like he's above it all.  I imagine that he would have the same detached expression, even if he were kissing a girl and I like that picture.  But, before they've traded more than twenty blows, Kendra points out that a mall security guard is eyeing us.  Knowing someone has observed Sven's juvenile behavior when it might be associated with me turns my stomach still farther as the three of us hurry to the door and Sven follows because, otherwise, there would be no one for him to annoy.  

We all sit down outside the doors and, immediately, Robert and Kendra get into a discussion about Keanu Reeves.  I have only the vaguest idea who the guy is anyway.  Having no desire to join the conversation, I watch as a girl with highlighted hair and heels staggers past us lugging an oversize Victoria's Secret bag.  I sourly reflect that Robert almost certainly thinks she's more attractive than me and hope she trips on the curb in her ridiculous shoes.  Sadly, no luck.  Sven is also uninterested in the actor discussion, so he pulls a crumpled paper out of his pocket, unfolds it, and starts reading.

"What's that?" I ask, trying to pretend that I'm interested in something other than a guy who doesn't like me.

"Just an old character record sheet."

"You play Dungeons and Dragons?" I cry excitedly, his earlier idiocy almost forgotten in my desire to talk about one of my guilty pleasures.

"Yea.  Well, I used to and so did he."  He points at Robert.  Now, I already know that Robert has played D&D.  In fact, I've known it ever since I started liking him several months ago, because one of Julia's brothers used to be friends with Robert.  But I would never dare to approach him about it directly.  Talking to Sven is a fairly decent substitute. 

"This sheet," he goes on, "is for my old wizard.  He had twenty-five intelligence and could cast a wish every day.” 

"Don't you play anymore?" I ask with disappointment.

"Not for several years.  No one wants to anymore."

"I know."  I'm starting to lose my awkwardness because I'm so involved in the topic.  "I've been trying to get a group together for ages but I just can't."  I'm even starting to become slightly whiny now, which sort of embarrasses me and I hope Robert doesn't notice.

"How hard can it be? We only need four or five people?"  We?  My heart jumps a little at the hope that I've finally found even one person to join me.  The next moment it stops completely dead as Sven leans over and casually punches Robert in the shoulder.  "Rob," he says loudly, startling him out of the discussion of the dumb actor.  "You want to play D&D?"  

Kendra frowns.  "That stupid game?" she says mockingly.  "Who wants to play that?"  She's looking at me (Kendra knows about my secret guilty pleasure) in a not very nice way and I desperately want to point out that the guy she's just spent the last couple hours hanging all over is suggesting it, not me.  But I don't because that would be violating the girl code of honor.  Besides, I can't afford to have her pissed at me because she knows too much sensitive information.

"Do we have enough people?" asks Robert, ignoring Kendra.

"Well, there's three of us here.  Four, if Kendra wants to come along."  Sven grins, knowing this will piss her off. She smiles sweetly while giving him the finger.  "Also, I can ask Jeff and Mike.

  At least one of them will probably agree."

"There's this kid in my science class named Linus," I add, my excitement getting the better of my shyness.  "I'm pretty sure he plays."

Robert considers for a moment.  "Sounds good," he finally says.  "But do we have a place?"

"We can use my house," I offer without thinking.  Kendra covers her face with her hands in despair.  Oh, I'll be getting an earful from her latter. 

"You can be Dungeon Master then too," says Sven and I nod with tight lips, not wanting to jeopardize my chances of having Robert come to my house by admitting I have no idea how to be a Dungeon Master.  In fact, since I've never played the game, just obsessively read the rule books hundreds of times, I'm probably the least qualified person involved.  Now I'm in a big hurry to get home to my shelf of said rule books.  It may be the last week of school but, suddenly, I've got a lot of homework to do.

--end—

Copyright: Amanda Hamlin

Not to be used by A.I. without permission of the author.

Cover art by Eric Hamlin

To view his portfolio, go to: https://www.instagram.com/hamlin.eric/

Not to be used by A.I. without permission of the artist.

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Also read “Deliverance from the Eye” a short story by Amanda Hamlin, free at https://amandahamlin.stck.me

“Ravenlord,” a short story from the point of view of a woman should be read by all men, is also available at https://amandahamlin.stck.me

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