Chapter 4

-Caro-

Taking a deep breath, I step out of my front door. Myles and I have been texting about random things, and after a week of this, I’m ready to see him in person again. It’s nice, texting him, but I miss seeing that little smile of his already. I’m so hopeless. We decided to meet in a café and then eat outside in the park, so that we can talk without worrying about other people - humans - hearing us. As soon as I make it to the café, Myles is already there, staring into the glass and adjusting the collar of his shirt, and then messing with his hair, and then wrestling with the sleeves of his shirt - the list goes on and on. Walking up to him silently, I bite my lips in an effort to keep my smile a secret. 

“You look good, stop fussing,” I say eventually, causing Myles to practically jump out of his skin.

“Caro!” He says a little breathlessly, pressing a hand to his chest. “You scared the life out of me! How are you so silent?” 

Smiling slightly, I shrug. “Magic.”

Myles rolls his eyes, his smile bright as he leads us into the café. He places his hand on my shoulder in the lightest of touches, and for such a short amount of time that I almost think I imagined it. But no - Myles is trying to test the waters. Smiling at him a little hesitantly, I try and let him know that that amount of contact is ok. Once we have our lunch and hot drinks, we head back outside and over to the park opposite the café, where there are several benches placed beneath trees in intermittent places. Myles and I go towards one, sitting down next to each other almost close enough to touch, but not quite. 

“So, you’re a beta, right? Which pack?” I ask eventually - I’ve been curious about this for a while, but I felt awkward asking him over text. Myles looks up from his sandwich, smiling. 

“Oh, it’s the one in the woods, closest to Ceyden’s pack in kind of that direction,” he gestures, and I vaguely know which one he means. I’ve never seen their pack house, but I’ve heard that it’s practically a mansion in a clearing. I’ve also heard that it’s a good pack, a strong and prosperous one. I know that Ceyden is friends with the alpha, so if someone gets Ceyden’s stamp of approval then they’re probably alright.

“I see…that’s quite a large pack, isn’t it?” I ask, taking a sip of my hot chocolate. Myles shrugs, leaning back on the bench slightly. 

“Sort of - it’s a little smaller than Ceyden’s, which is good because we don’t have as much space as he does. Unless we build another pack house, that is,” he says with a slight laugh. Chewing on my lips, I think about my own pack. I don’t really miss any of the people there - I had friends and family, but none of them…none of them understood what I was going through, and no one tried to understand. They just left me alone, treating me like glass, or did the exact opposite - pretended like nothing had even happened. None of them could get their heads around the fact that I had gone through a life changing event. I was hurt, and even as the pack healer, I couldn’t heal myself. So then I felt hurt, vulnerable and inadequate. 

“So…which pack are you from?” Myles asks tentatively, and I get the impression that now we’re seeing each other in person, we’re both asking the questions we really wanted to know, instead of just the small talk that we had been doing over text. That was good, and helped me warm up to him somewhat, but…I want to know about all of Myles, including all the werewolf stuff too.

“The Mountain Lichen pack. I wasn’t comfortable there anymore, and so the luna helped me settle here instead. I left my pack when I was 24, and I’ve been here ever since.”

Myles nods, placing his hand on his leg, next to where my hand is on my leg. I can tell he wants to hold my hand, but…I can’t give him false hope, right? If I held his hand then surely he’d assume I’m…open to more? But holding hands is probably the most I can do right now, I couldn’t kiss or hug him, I couldn’t-

“I’m not going to do anything, Caro. You don’t have to worry. I’m sorry about earlier, in the café - I should’ve asked before touching you. I’m sorry,” Myles says ever so gently. Glancing over at him, I shake my head quickly. 

“That- that was fine, I didn’t mind it. And I would- I’d be ok with holding hands too, but nothing more. And I don’t want to lead you on, or make you think that I could- could have sex when I couldn’t.”

Myles' expression turns stunned for a moment, and I realise I let slip that one piece of information that probably means this is a deal breaker for Myles.

I can’t have sex.

And now Myles will realise there’s no point in trying to still get to know me and whatnot, because he’ll-

“Caro I want to hold your hand, not have sex with you in broad daylight in the middle of a park,” Myles laughs slightly, one eyebrow raised, his expression teasing.

My face feels on fire as I quickly hide behind my hands, feeling like an idiot. Surprise surprise, I was overthinking things once again. Taking a deep breath, I turn back to Myles. 

“No but really, I can’t ever have sex- I’m asexual and extremely sex repulsed so nothing could ever happen, understood? So I’ll totally get it if you’re not interested in being mates anymore, I know that sex is important to most people so-“ I break off when I catch sight of Myles' expression again. He’s just…looking at me lovingly. 

I have never seen someone look at me like that.

“Caro, that’s fine. I don’t mind. I know I’m not ace, but sex has never been that important to me, and you’re- you’re way more important to me than anything else, ok? So if we did become mates, and nothing happened…that’s ok. I don’t mind. I still like you all the same, just as I did before.” How Myles can speak so softly, so gently and warmly, and talk about embarrassing things like this without messing up a single word…

And he still wants me. He wants just me, and nothing else.

My wolf makes an odd purring sound in my mind, so he must be happy with this realisation. Since I met Myles, my wolf has been a little more…present. It’s not like we talk to each other - we never have, but after I was attacked, it was like my wolf just…retreated, out of fear. But seeing my mate brings him back.

Maybe being with Myles, helps to- to heal me?