Chapter 17

-Caro-

Myles said “see you soon” and yet we haven’t been able to meet since I went to his pack for the dinner. We still talk every day of course, and he let me know how his talk with Xabien went. It really warmed my heart to know that Xabien instantly became protective of me too. I shouldn’t be surprised though; Ceyden and Riya and kind and strong wolves I know all reacted in the same manner. I’m really, really lucky in that respect. 

I just wish my parents had felt that same protectiveness over me.

Sometimes, I think about going to see them. I still haven’t seen my father, even though by now I probably could. But he would just ask when I’m coming back, when I’ll resume my duties as pack healer with him. And my mother would just ask why I’m still not over what happened. I’m not sure I could cope with that kind of scrutiny. But…

I do miss them. And it would be nice to tell them about Myles, and how I’m probably going to join his pack soon. And how I’m thinking of swapping from healing to therapy instead. Maybe they would look at me now and see how much progress I’ve made. And besides, I should tell my alpha that I will probably be changing packs within the next few months. It feels rude to say nothing and do the change silently, when my pack has done so much for me. Maybe…maybe if Myles was able to come with me, then I’d feel safe walking around those halls.

Sending my mate a text asking if he wants to come visit my pack with me, I continue researching online therapy courses and qualifications. It involves a lot of studying, but I’ve spent the past few years trying to learn what I can from the internet and library books. I’d need an actual teacher if I decide to take this further, but for now this is nice. It does’t take long for my mate to reply to my text, saying he’d love to come. He has been really busy this week and is likely to stay busy for a little while as apparently something came up with another pack his is allied to or something - but he says he’ll make sure he’s free on whatever day I want to go to my pack. Smiling softly, I scroll through my phone contacts until I find my alpha’s. My parents don’t even have phones, so I could only talk to them through the alpha’s mobile, but they eventually stopped calling after the first few months. Taking a deep breath, I call the number.

“Wow, it’s quite a big pack, huh,” Myles breaths out as we pull up outside my old pack house. He quickly parks but it takes me a moment to compose myself. We’re about an hour’s drive from where I live now; Myles can take me right back if anything goes badly.

“Just to remind you that in the past, my parents weren’t the most supportive of my lengthy healing process. So just in case they’re still acting like that…try not to get too annoyed at them, ok?” I ask softly before finally getting out of the car. Myles grumbles something about trying but making no promises. Letting him put his arm around my shoulders, I lead the way towards the main entrance. Knocking on the door, we wait until a male wolf I don’t recognise opens it for us. Myles instinctively pulls me a little closer into his side as I tense up at the sight of an unfamiliar male wolf. It’s irrational to think that everyone is going to assault me, but I just- I can’t completely eradicate that fear, no matter how much I heal. 

“The luna is expecting you,” the wolf informs us. I already knew that the alpha is too busy to see me; although I can’t shake the feeling that maybe he has just forgotten who I am. The luna though…she helped me a lot when I was moving out. She has to still remember me, right? Plus, I was one of our pack’s only two healers, and I was quite skilled so it’s not like my efforts went unnoticed. Thankfully the luna does remember me, and very kindly inquires into how I’ve been, what I’ve been up to and such. It’s been around four years since I was last in this woman’s presence, but she doesn’t seem to have changed at all.

I hope I’ve changed.

“Anyway I won’t keep you from your parents any longer. Congratulations on meeting your mate and good luck with the new pack, I’m sure they’ll love to have you,” the luan says kindly as she leads us through the halls and back to my parents’ room. I haven’t seen my father in five years. It’s been four years for my mother. I grip my mate’s hand and knock on the familiar wooden door. Seconds later, my mother opens it.

“Caro. You look…skinny,” Mother opens the door wider, bringing Myles into view. She stares him down - the two of them pretty much have the same build, since my mother is a warrior. “And you must be my son’s mate. Do come in, both of you,” she says shortly. The moment she turns her back, Myles shoots me a look which tells me he doesn’t like her already. My mother isn’t deliberately cold or mean, she just…well that’s just how she is. I got used to it after twenty-four years at her side.

“Caro! My boy! How are you?” The moment my father comes into view I tense up a little for absolutely no reason. This man has never hurt me in any way. Myles squeezes my shoulder, giving me a reassuring smile. 

“Hi, Father,” I say a little shakily. He instantly comes over and pulls me into a hug, ignoring how I entirely freeze up. I manage not to push him away, thankfully. My parents have never been the most physically affectionate people, but it’s been a long time. I should let them have this.

“And what’s your name?” Father asks my mate, shaking his hand firmly. 

“Myles, sir. It’s nice to meet you,” Myles says politely, his smile not quite reaching his eyes. He definitely noticed my discomfort during that hug then.

“Come, sit, sit,” my father ushers us over to the table. Almost as soon as I have sat down, my mother appears at my side and tugs on the shoulder of my cardigan, revealing my mating mark. Letting out a small sound of protest, I pull my cardigan back up. You don’t just do that; even my mother wouldn’t normally do something so rude.

“Looks like you finally got over yourself and that silly little fear. I always said that if it wasn’t a phase then you could deal with it for a single night in order to mate. Although,” Mother eyes Myles up and down. “He doesn’t look like the type to stop after one night.”

Shame, embarrassment, humiliation and discomfort blast through my veins. Myles is up from his seat in a second, his hands landing gently on my shoulders as he hisses at my mother. “How dare you speak to him- your own son - like that, when you know what horrific things he went through!”

My lip trembles as a lump forms in my throat, my eyes feeling hot. Myles’ hand on my shoulder gently moves to caress his mark on me, helping to calm me down. Why did I think my mother’s attitude would have changed? She has always been married to her duty; if she hadn’t met her mate early on in life then I do wonder whether she would’ve been interested in starting a relationship or a family.

“Yes sit down please, there’s no need for this - Caro came to see us, isn’t that nice?” My father tugs on Mother’s sleeve, his eyes frantic as he meets mine. He doesn’t even look like he disagrees with her though. He just doesn’t want the drama.

“Love, we don’t have to stay,” Myles murmurs to me gently, his fingers still touching my mark comfortingly.

He’s right. I don’t have to stay. I wanted to see my parents, to let them know that I’m doing well, so…

“I met my mate,” I say slowly, wiping my eyes quickly as a few pent-up tears threaten to fall. “He’s a wonderful person, and a wonderful beta to his pack. And I’m going to join that pack. And I’m going to be useless and refuse to work as a healer again because you know what? I can. My new pack doesn’t value people based on what they bring to the table, like here. There, I won’t ever be shamed for still struggling with my trauma. There, I will be surrounded by people who care about my wellbeing as a person and not an asset. I know you both love me in your own way, but you weren’t there for me during the worst part of my life, but more than that - you actively made things harder for me,” I stare at my mother, gripping the fabric of my trousers. “I know you never meant to hurt me but you did and even after all this time apart, you still haven’t learnt how not to. I went through something atrocious and all you could do was call me selfish for not going back to my duties.”

My mother doesn’t quite meet my gaze. “I brought you soup…not that you ate it,” she adds, rolling her eyes. Another round of anger flares in me.

“You brought me soup and yelled at me when I didn’t eat it - the day after I was beaten and violated! I wanted to vomit every time anyone came near me - of course I couldn’t eat!” Letting out a long breath, I stand from my seat shakily, using my mate’s hand to help me. “I understand that you tried. I understand that I was not easy to deal with. But all I wanted, all I needed was you to tell me that I didn’t deserve any of what happened and that you and Father would be there for me no matter what. But you couldn’t manage that and I’m not sure I can really forgive that anymore. Not when you’re still treating me the exact same way.” Myles places his arm back around my shoulders and I look at my parents one final time. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be the perfect son you both wanted so desperately.”

I’m never coming back here again. I don’t need to; I have a new family now, and I wouldn’t change a thing about them.