Chapter 20

Blinking confusedly, I look over at my clock and ascertain that it’s only half three in the morning. What woke me up? And after I’d finally fallen asleep too…the familiar, empty feeling of loneliness settles back over me as I remember my unfinished date with Myles from earlier. I must have fallen asleep while still thinking about him.

A loud thud against my door has me practically jumping out of my skin as I realise this must have been what woke me. Blinking tiredly, I pull my cardigan on and head to my front door. Making sure to keep the chain on, I open the door the smallest amount, confused about who would be knocking at this hour. And then I open the door all the way, even more confused. 

“Myles? What are you doing here? It’s not even four in the morning,” I mumble, still half asleep. Myles instantly pulls me into a hug, and based on the way he practically collapses against me…he must be even more exhausted than me. Closing the door and locking it again, I lead Myles into my bedroom and watch as he immediately flops into bed, absolutely shattered. 

“What’s going on? Why aren’t you asleep?” I ask, shedding my cardigan and climbing into bed next to my mate, encouraging him under the covers. “Come on, you’re staying the night here. What’s left of the night,” I say with a wry smile, but really I’m ecstatic to have him here. Myles mumbles something incoherent and slides under the duvet after pulling off his thick jacket. 

“Missed you. Said I’d be back,” he mumbles, snuggling up under the covers and pulling me into a hug. Curling against him, I push my face into his shoulder and take in a long breath of his scent.

“I didn’t think you meant the moment you were done there though,” I smile, pulling back to kiss my sleepy mate. He hums, immediately kissing me back before his eyes suddenly snap open.

“You kissed me.”

“Uh huh,” I nod, suddenly worried about it. “Should I not have?”

Myles quickly shakes his head, leaning in for another kiss. “I’m just surprised. You seem to be getting a lot more bold with physical contact. I really like it,” he admits with a small smile, his fingers fiddling with the hair at the base of my neck. Smiling shyly, I lean into his touch.

“Might be because I’m still half asleep, but yes. I want to be more confident with it,” I shuffle closer to my mate, resting my head against his chest. I love the sound of his heartbeat.

“Well you being confident is adorable, just like all the rest of you,” Myles teases, running his hand through my loose hair.

“We’ve been mated for what- five months now, and we were seeing each other before that too, so. I think it’s about time I got better at kissing,” I smile, leaning up to my mate. He gently tilts my head back and kisses me, and this time we don’t end it after a few pecks. Myles moves his lips against mine, the sensation sending an excited little thrill through me. Even if I’m ace and therefore don’t experience sexual attraction, my body still enjoys the intimacy to my mate. So long as this stays intimate without that sexual aspect, I think I might quite enjoy this.

We kiss for a long time, Myles’ fingers wrapped up in my hair and my hand pressed against his neck, our forms pushed together like sardines in a can. When Myles finally pulls back, he rolls to lie on his back and brings me into his side, my head resting on his chest.

“I don’t know what you mean about ‘getting better at kissing,’ you’re pretty damn great in my opinion,” Myles laughs, his hand resting on my shoulder, smoothing up and down comfortingly. My face heats up with slight embarrassment but I curl further into my mate’s side. 

“That was nice. I enjoyed it,” I mumble into his shirt, feeling more awkward than ever. Myles squeezes my shoulder, his heart still hammering in his chest beneath where my head rests.

“Me too. It wasn’t too far?” He asks tentatively and I hum back.

“No. I’d make it very obvious if it was, don’t worry,” I smile, wrapping my arm around my mate’s waist and clinging onto him.

“Ok well I’d prefer if it didn’t get to the point where you’re in distress, so…just keep me in the loop, ok?” Myles bends to press a kiss into my hair. 

“I will, I promise,” I smile, letting my eyes close. “Now go to sleep. It’s four in the morning!” I giggle, feeling sleepy despite the happy buzz still in my brain.

This was a really, really positive experience for me. I’m not sure I’d ever want to do much more than this, but I never even thought I’d like kissing this much, so…this is good. Good to find out a little more about my boundaries, but also just…I really like being in Myles’ arms. I really like being close to him, being intimate with him. My mate. My Myles.

My body screams at me for not having enough sleep when Myles gently moves out from under me, carefully placing me down on the pillows and tucking the duvet back in around me. Dragging my eyes open, I glare at the clock which is trying to convince me that it is eight in the morning. It feels like I got one hour’s sleep, even though I know I had around six, spread over two instalments. 

“I need to go back to the pack. Get some more sleep,” Myles says softly, pressing a kiss to my forehead as he tucks a lock of hair behind my ear. I grumble out something sleepily, reaching out to tangle my fingers in my mate’s shirt.

“Love, you need to let go,” he chuckles, taking my hand gently and kissing my palm. The sensation makes me smile and I steal his hand back, using it as a pillow. 

“How am I meant to leave now?” My mate smiles, leaning down to kiss me.

“That’s the point - you aren’t meant to leave,” I smile cheekily, “at least not without me, too.”

Myles looks at me confusedly for a moment before his eyes widen. “Wait…do you mean…you’re- you’re ready?” He asks ever so quietly. Grinning, I sit up and throw my arms around my mate’s neck. 

“Yes. I don’t want to keep having to say goodbye. I want to join your pack, Myles.”

I’m ready for this.

I want this.