Warmth and comfort engulfed Yvette as she held the gray clothing against her chest. Her head was full of thoughts of that considerate man. She remembered the warmth of his hand as he grabbed her arm, the ring of his voice with the sound of concern, the shape of his eyes as he laughed. She replayed that scene in her head as their hands met, her heart pounding as she giggled and kicked her feet in the air. "Cane, I wonder how you spell it?" she thought as she unraveled the note with his number. She saw the number and neat handwriting underneath, "C-A-N-E, like sugarcane? How sweet."

     Yvette began to drift into a slumber with clothes still in hand, but her dreams didn't let her rest. For the past few days, she had picked up the habit of taking painkillers before going to sleep due to the injury on her head. She felt it helped with the emotional pain she felt too, but it was never enough to last. The pills also helped her sleep, guiding her to a dream she wanted to be reality. She dreamt of the man that made her feel butterflies in her stomach. He who made her feel complete, happy, satiated. 

     

     Every warm feeling under the sun emanated from his very presence. He beckoned her to follow him in a made-up world built for only them. Everything was warm and uncomplicated, the beauty of their emotions filling the world with nothing but the best, why would there be anything that wasn't made for them? She floated in a sea of tranquility as she remembered those days. She floated away as her feet touched the grass, the warmness between her toes as she stepped lightly. Then in the distance, she saw him, the love of her life smiling only at her. He had his arms stretched out for her as she ran to him. To be parted from him was agony and to see him waiting her her was pure bliss in this cruel world. The sun, moon, and stars all seemed to follow his every move as he showed eyes only for her. As she finally reached him, their embrace shook the world as the world was filled with pastels and light, he held her so tightly she felt that she would never feel alone again. But his embrace suddenly felt loose, and the world shook again as the ground crumbled behind her. The beautiful grass plane that she built and the calming scenery were now gone. Behind her was now a cliff and torrent waters were waiting for her to fall. What was once an embrace of pure love and affection was now replaced with a cry for help as she held on to his for necessity. She didn't want to fall, so she clung to him, and as this played out, that once sincere smile and those sparkling eyes were now enjoying her suffering. She couldn't escape him, she needed him, and here he would stay until there was nothing else but them. As she pleaded her eyes again shifted and the world transformed for the last time. She stood in front of him, his face almost pleading with her to stay. As she stared at him, she remembered every detail. Those clear blue eyes, black hair, and a beautiful frame she saw grow more beautiful as they were together. She remembered when she complimented his appearance and he said it was all thanks to her. Her constant care and affection made him who he was. But, the very same person who said those sweet words and pleaded for her to stay, was the one who left the bruise on her forehead, caused her to lose herself, and left her empty in her stomach. Her heart shattered at the contradiction as she asked where her beloved went. Who was this person in front of her? Her anxiety welled up, her tears began to roll down her face, and her mind felt like static. Those ugly feelings welled up again and multiplied, soured even more by the memory of herself bleeding on the floor holding her head as he only watched. Was there nothing she could do to get rid of this ugly feeling?

     She shook herself awake as she found herself back in her room. She wanted to forget this feeling, she didn't want to feel like it was all over. Her sense of self is clouded by doubt and the memories of him. It was time she threw it all away. She rummaged through her belongings, tearing and shredding all the notes and photos she had of him, her tears flowing out as everything became dust in her hands. She also took all the painkillers she had stored and flushed them, her dependence needed to stop now before it was too late.

      It was difficult to just see everything disappear like it never existed. She dried her tears on her sleeve as she made her way to her fridge. As she opened she took out the jar full of spices and brine. She couldn't help but show a smile at what was once her entire life. The head of her former lover floated in the brine as she held it close. She sat on the floor as she began to whisper to it, "It's been a while since we talked. I know you didn't want it to end this way, but... I felt it was the only way for me to show I still cared, but you kept rejecting me, betraying me, bruising me in places no one would see. No matter how much of you I eat... I still feel hungry. Maybe it was because I kept clinging to those feelings that are now gone. We can never go back to how we were. I'm sorry." She kissed the glass and embraced it one final time, "Goodbye, I hope you can find happiness wherever you are".

     As she held this resolve in her heart she reached for her freezer. Chunks of meat stored in bags occupied the space. She made plans to dispose of him properly by blending the meat as she separated the bones. She would then throw it all in a river by the city limits. However, as she stripped and separated, she saw something in the very back. It was one of his fingers she forgot to eat. She decided to keep it along with his head due to a feeling of twisted attachment. She didn't have the heart to dispose of him just yet in his entirety. As the thought passed her mind, she felt like a bit of herself returned. She was doing something she wanted to do for the very first time in a long time and even chose her life. But, she still felt odd needing to do this. 

     She still remembered the first bite she took when she prepared him. She researched recipes to not let any of them go to waste, but somehow she managed, and it it good. The texture, the sweetness, the spiciness, the richness engulfed her senses that she couldn't stop eating, but, the more she ate, the more empty she felt. It was like he could no longer satiate her hunger like before. She wondered when it all started, and at what moment did she start feeling hunger like this? The aching and the pain engulfed her everyday life, and he never seemed to care for long and thus she became hungrier. As she stopped what she was doing, she contemplated, and for a second, Cane's face popped up, and for that second, the hunger stopped. She immediately got herself out of that daydream. She needed to stop, she wasn't ready to pursue anyone else, even less in the state that she was in. But, even if she couldn't think that way, she still needed to pay him back any way she could.

     A few days passed and she was done disposing of the unwanted. However, she still couldn't bring herself to get rid of the head and the finger. She thought about what to do with them, but, nothing came to mind yet. As she was deep in thought, she looked over at her new set of clothes, the grey sweatpants, and the gray sweatshirt. She quickly went to wash and dry them, caringly ironed them, and set them in a brown bag. But, he said he didn't want them back, so...what could she do to show her gratitude? She went to her phone and found his number, but she had a difficult time trying to articulate her words. She was feeling confused at the moment, she didn't want to bother a complete stranger with her minuscule feelings, but felt she needed to do this. She started with a greeting and kept it simple, she just hoped he was okay with her reaching out so quickly. But, deep down. she couldn't keep the feeling hidden, she didn't know why but she had to see him again.