Warmth and comfort enveloped Yvette as she held the gray clothing against her chest while lying on her side. Her head was full of that considerate man. She remembered the warmth of his hand as he grasped her arm, the ring of his voice with its tone of concern, the shape of his eyes as he smiled. She replayed that scene in her head over and over again, her heart pounding as she giggled and kicked her feet in the air. "Cane, I wonder how you spell it?" she thought as she unraveled the note with his number. She saw the number and neat handwriting underneath, "C-A-N-E, like sugarcane? How sweet."

     Yvette began to drift into a slumber with her clothes still in hand, but she needed help to rest. She unscrewed a prescription bottle from her nightstand and took two pills, painkillers to help the throbbing in her head. She felt it helped with the emotional pain, too, but it never lasted. She tried to think of the good things that had happened recently, memories guiding her to a dream she wanted to make reality. She dreamt of the man who made her feel butterflies in her stomach. A man who made her feel complete, happy, and satiated. A man who was now gone.

     

     Every warm feeling under the sun emanated from his very presence, beckoning her to follow him. Everything was warm and uncomplicated, the beauty of their emotions filling the world with nothing but the best. She floated in a sea of tranquility as she remembered those days. Her feet touched the grass, the warmth between her toes as she stepped lightly. Then, in the distance, she saw him, the love of her life, smiling only at her. He had his arms stretched out for her as she ran to him. To be parted from him was agony, and to see him waiting for her was pure bliss in this cruel world. The sun, moon, and stars followed his every move as he had eyes only for her. 

     As she finally reached him, their embrace shook the world as it began to be filled with pastels and light. He held her so tightly that she felt that she would never feel alone again. But his embrace suddenly felt loose, and the world shook again, the ground crumbling behind her. The beautiful grass plane that she built and the calming scenery were now gone. Behind her was now a cliff, and torrential waters were waiting for her to fall. What was once an expression of pure love and affection was now replaced with a cry for help as she clung to him out of necessity. She didn't want to fall, so she held on to him, and as this played out, that once sincere smile and those sparkling eyes were now enjoying her suffering. She couldn't escape him; she needed him, and here he would stay until there was nothing else but him. 

     She pleaded, her eyes shifting, and the world transformed for the last time. She stood in front of him, his face almost urging her to stay. As she stared at him, she remembered every detail. Those clear blue eyes, black hair, and a beautiful frame she saw grow more beautiful as they were together. She remembered when she complimented his appearance and he said it was all thanks to her. Her constant care and affection made him who he was. But the very same person who said those sweet words and pleaded for her to stay was the one who left the bruise on her body, betrayed her over and over again, and left her with an empty stomach. Her heart shattered at the contradiction as she no longer recognized the person she had fallen in love with. Who was this person in front of her? 

     Her anxiety flared, her tears began to roll down her face, and her mind felt like static. Those ugly feelings welled up again and multiplied, soured even more by the memory of herself bleeding on the floor, holding her head as he only watched. Was there nothing she could do to get rid of this ugly feeling?

     She shook herself awake as she found herself back in her room. Yvette was drenched in sweat, tears forming in her eyes as she remembered the dream. To relive anything like that anymore was too much to bear. She wanted to forget this feeling; she didn't want to feel like it was all over. Her sense of self was clouded by doubt, and the memories of him felt like a dagger was digging deeper into her center. It was time she threw it all away. 

     She rummaged through her belongings, tearing and shredding all the notes and photos she had of him, her tears flowing out as everything became dust in her hands. She also took all the painkillers she had stored and flushed them; she felt she had grown dependent and needed to stop.

      It was difficult to see everything disappear in an instant as if it meant nothing. She dried her tears on her sleeve as she made her way to her fridge. As she opened it, she took out the jar full of spices and brine. She couldn't help but show a smile at what was once her entire life. 

     The head of her former lover floated inside the brine as she held it close. She sat on the floor as she began to whisper to it, "It's been a while since we've talked. I know you didn't want it to end, but... I felt it was the only way for me to show I still cared, but you kept rejecting the way I wanted to do things, betraying me, bruising me in places no one would see. No matter how much of you I eat... I still feel hungry. Maybe it was because I kept clinging to those feelings that are now gone. We can never go back to how we were. I'm sorry." She kissed the glass and embraced it one final time, "Goodbye, I hope you can find happiness wherever you are".

     As she held this resolve in her heart, she reached for her freezer. Chunks of meat stored in bags occupied the space. She made plans to dispose of him properly by blending the meat as she separated the bones. She would then throw it all in a river by the city limits. However, as she stripped and separated the meat, she saw something in the very back. It was one of his fingers she forgot to eat. She decided to keep it along with his head due to a feeling of twisted attachment. 

     She didn't have the heart to dispose of him just yet in his entirety. As the thought passed her mind, she felt like a bit of herself returned. She was doing something she wanted to do for the very first time, and even chose her way of doing things. But she still felt odd. 

     She still remembered the first bite she took when she prepared him. She researched recipes to not let any of him go to waste, but somehow she managed, and it was good. The texture, the sweetness, the spiciness, the richness engulfed her senses that she couldn't stop eating, but the more she ate, the emptier she felt. It was like he could no longer satiate her hunger like before. 

     She wondered when it all started, and at what moment she started feeling hungry like this? The aching and the pain engulfed her everyday life, and the more he strayed, the hungrier she became. 

     As she stopped what she was doing, she contemplated, and for a second, Cane's face popped up, and for that second, the hunger stopped. She quickly shook the thought away, her face red with embarrassment. She wasn't ready to pursue anyone else, even less in the state that she was in. But, even if she couldn't think that way, she still wanted to pay him back anyway she could.

     A few days passed, and she was done disposing of the unwanted. As she was deep in thought, she looked over at her new set of clothes, the grey sweatpants, and the grey sweatshirt. She quickly went to wash and dry them, caringly ironed them, and set them in a brown bag. But, he said he didn't want them back, so...what could she do to show her gratitude?

      She went to her phone and found his number, her finger hovering over the number, trying to articulate her words. She was feeling confused at the moment; she didn't want to bother a stranger with her minuscule feelings, but felt she needed to do this. She started with a greeting and kept it simple; she just hoped he was okay with her reaching out so quickly. But, deep down, she couldn't keep the feeling hidden; she didn't know why, but she had to see him again.