“So he asked you out?”
Jong In’s head jerked up, surprised at the words that had seemingly come out of nowhere and looked at their source. He blinked, not quite processing what she had said. "Who asked who what?" his mind asked but his mouth seemed not to follow.
They were lounging in Ji Soo’s studio apartment. He, on the chair at the dining table. Her, on the sofa with Hwan’s head in her lap and arms languidly wrapped about her waist. They had been quiet for most of the day, both immersed in their own respective work as Hwan slept soundly.
“What?” he asked, his voice finally coming out though he said the word slowly, knowing that he probably sounded a bit dumb.
But Ji Soo was surprisingly patient. “Si Woo oppa told me that he asked you out.”
Si Woo and him? He blinked again. He had forgotten. “Oh, right.”
There was a pause as though she was waiting for him to say more but then shrugged and continued, “And what did you say?”
Jong In was sure Ji Soo would have already known his answer. She knew him well. He had never shown even the slightest interest in dating and yet she was asking as though hoping for a different answer. “I told him ‘no’.”
Ji Soo grew silent then. She leaned back, tilting her head up, and peered at the ceiling as though in deep thought. Hwan turned his face, pressing it into her stomach and mumbled something unintelligible. She rested her elbow atop his head, using it as a perch, as she turned back to look at her friend. Hwan neither moved nor complained.
“You should date him,” she said finally.
Jong In raised a brow. “Why?”
She idly stroked the soft waves on Hwan’s head as though petting a dog. “Well, there’s no harm in casually dating, is there? Especially at our age, getting to know different people, experiencing different things – it’s all stuff we need to do to figure out exactly what we want in life.”
Jong In looked at her for a moment. It was strange to see a sage Ji Soo. She was the type who was often thoughtless and spoke whatever came to mind before truly assessing the words. Sometimes she came off rude but many still liked her, probably because she was so unoffended by anything and willing to make friends with anyone. It was honestly one of the things he liked best about her. But this Ji Soo was unusual. Her words were tempered and she seemed almost hesitant in relaying her message.
It made Jong In feel a little uncertain.
He seemed to consider her words for exactly twenty three seconds and then replied, “No.” Perhaps it was because her words sounded too oddly familiar to the ones Ye Jun had told him that night he asked for space. But the more likely reason was that Jong In just could not imagine feeling the way he felt toward his childhood friend for anyone else. Ultimately, it would have been a futile exercise and while he may not have disliked the sunbae, he didn’t have any particular feelings of fondness toward him either.
“Hey! At least give it some serious thought!" she said, her body suddenly jostling with barely contained energy, Hwan’s upper body shook with hers.
Jong In almost sighed in relief, the Ji Soo he knew was back.
"Si Woo oppa is a good guy, though his personality might need a little work. Okay, a lot of work but from what I hear, people say he's the complete package. He's rich, he's friendly, he's educated, and has a prominent job in a prominent field. He's not lacking in anything, except personality." She mumbled the last part softly before continuing with her previously loud voice, "Plus, I heard it's already hard enough finding a partner between straight couples so it’s got to be harder for gay people."
She looked down suddenly as Hwan shifted. “Oh sorry, did I wake you?” she said and moved her hands away from his face.
“Jong In-ah, don’t you think that maybe you should move on?” she said, after a moment, her voice a bit softer, as though trying to sound understanding. Jong In couldn't help but again find it a bit strange though it was not unfitting of her. “Ye Jun will always care about you but he’s straight and we all want you to be happy.”
Jong In turned back to look at the black screen of his laptop. It had fallen asleep in the minutes they had been talking. His reflection peered back at him and he was unable to read his own expression.
So they had all known all this time? Was this why she was like this? He supposed that he shouldn't have been surprised. He truly was an open book, it seemed. And his feelings had obviously caused his friends to worry. He couldn't help but feel a bit apologetic to them.
But… at the same time, he wasn’t sure why she was bringing this up now. He was there to work on the game’s color palette. His feelings for Ye Jun and his being asked out by Si Woo had no relevance to his task.
And it wasn’t as if he hadn’t tried to give up before. In fact, he had tried. Many, many times since the moment he had realized his feelings for his best friend but Ye Jun kept making it almost impossible to do so.
He recalled a time during the second year of middle school when Ye Jun had made an excuse to the teacher that Jong In had a stomach ache. He had taken him to the infirmary and the school nurse, after having prescribed some basic digestive medication, left to take care of a 1st year who had come in to say that a kid in his class had tripped and twisted his ankle on the third floor.
Jong In hadn't been sick at the time. He had been upset that day because his father, who had promised to pick him and his sister up to take them to the amusement park had again bailed on them. He had known that it wasn't his father's fault. His parents had only been divorced a year at that point and he had only just settled into his new life, which had mostly been consumed by work. And because of that, Jong In and his sister had seen very little of him.
Since Jong In had difficulty expressing his feelings most of the time, only Ye Jun had understood what was going on. He had known just how attached Jong In had been to his father before his divorce and despite the fact that Jong In never verbally expressed it, Ye Jun had known just how lonely his friend had been without him.
“Let’s go to the amusement park this weekend,” Ye Jun had said suddenly, pulling Jong In out of his silent wallowing.
Jong In had looked at him but had not responded.
“Come on!” Ye Jun had exclaimed excitedly. “It’ll just be you and me, no moms to tell us what we cannot do. I’ll get my sister to drop us off. I’m sure she’ll come with her boyfriend so she won’t even have time to even notice us though I might have to pay her. Do you have five dollars? No, forget it, I have money in that tin box in my room. It’ll be so much fun, we can spend all day going on the speed o’rama, you’ve been talking nonstop about it for days. It got me curious too. Then we can stuff our faces with hot dogs and churros and those red and blue icy drinks my mom won't let me have. Really, you’d be doing me a favor if you go.”
As Ye Jun continued his ever-convincing speech of rides and junk food and even about beating their record of how many times they can ride the rollercoaster before throwing up, Jong In simply watched his animated face. There had been a large bright blue bandaid across his nose where Ye Jun had smacked it earlier that morning when he had crawled into Jong In’s room on the second floor, having run into the handle of the sliding door after losing his footing.
And as Jong In watched that blue bandaid move up and down with excitement, he realized that he loved this side of him.
Jong In had smiled then and Ye Jun, understanding that gesture as his form of acquiescence, had propelled himself onto the bed, landing on top of his friend and enveloping him into a large, bear-like hug. It had been comforting and warm like sunshine. And when Ye Jun finally released him and Jong In could clearly see that bright blue bandaid again, he remembered thinking to himself that he needed nothing else in his life but the happy, grinning boy above him.
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