TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️

Suicide attempt

A bright, white light interrupt my eyes and make it open forcefully. I don’t know why, but it feels as if I’ve been asleep for quite a long time. My body feels light, but my head is kind of heavy.

“Oh, you’re awake. Wanna eat?” It’s Riku. He entered the room with a soda in his hand.

The moment I looked at him, my head suddenly remembers it all. It’s not too clear, but I know for sure what happened a few days ago.

“What’s wrong? You still haven't back to your senses completely? Well, it’s normal, since you’ve been asleep for three days.”

Three days? What the—

“Riku, I ….”

I felt dazed. My body begins to tremble. What feeling is this? Guilty? Scared?

“It’s okay, take it slow. It’s your first time, that’s alright.” Riku hugged me and rubbed my back. “Let’s eat first. You need to eat to regain your energy.”

I just stay quiet, let him held my hand and took me out to the dining room. Then, with patiently, he fed me.

“You should take a day off tomorrow. Don’t worry, I told your boss already. But, I’ll go to work tomorrow. You’re okay to be alone here, right? Just for tomorrow. I’ve taken too much day off—”

“I’m sorry.” My hands clenched. “I’m sorry I couldn’t keep my word. D-Did I hurt you? Ahh, of course I did. T-Then … I ….”

Riku just fell silent. He walked to the sink and washed the dishes, without saying a word. After that, he sat back in front of me.

“So you remember everything?” He looked me in the eye.

I shook my head. “No … just a little, but I know that we did it, so I’m sor—”

“What are you sorry for? You are an Alpha and I am an Omega. Isn’t that a normal thing to do? Why are you so flustered all of a sudden?” He giggled and ruffled my hair. “We did it before too, right? When I was in heat. It’s not a big deal, dumbass.”

“… It’s not?”

He nodded. “Of course. Eat if you’re hungry, have sex if you’re horny. Hahahah!”

I didn’t answer it. No, I can’t say a thing.

Although he’s right about our second gender as an Alpha and Omega, but still … I already promise not to touch him! Moreover, have sex?! It was a very first time for me! All of this … is too much.

I looked at Riku’s body. It seems okay, except for some hickeys on his neck. My face feels hot all of a sudden. Are those my work?

Without me realized, my hand moved to touch it.

He flinched. “Huh?”

I startled too. “Ah, um, s-sorry.” Quickly, I pulled my hand back.

It’s so awkward, I should discuss something else—is what I thought. However, when he opened his mouth, mine is can’t even move to say a word.

“Let’s become sex buddies.”

I froze. My head goes blank, while actually there are lots that I want to say.

“We’re quite compatible in bed, right? You like it and so am I. It’s a good offer, no?” He smiled, supporting his chin with his hand.

What’s gotten into him? Just a few days ago, he told me about how a scumbag his ex is, and now he wants me to become his sex buddy? An Alpha like me?

“… Aren’t you afraid of Alphas?”

Riku sipped the soda and placed it back on the table. “You’re different.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

I frowned. What’s so different about me?

I sighed. “I’m sorry, Riku, but I can’t.”

Coldly, he answered, “Why?”

I grabbed his hands and stroked it gently. “I’ve said it, right? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’m not hurt, we don’t hurt each other. What are you so afraid of?” His voice is clearly telling me that he’s mad right now.

I moved my body, knelt down while still holding on his hands. “Let’s consider it lucky, then, but we won’t know what’ll happen in the future. How if I ended up hurting you? Just so you know, Riku, I’ve never had a sex before. You’re my first, and we did it without me conscious. Moreover, I’m not sure if I can do it in my right mind.”

His hands clenched, and his voice is hoarse. “When I picked you up, you were with her. You told me to leave, but you accepted her help. You said you don’t want to hurt me, but you’re okay with her offer. Is it because she’s a Beta, so she wouldn’t be affected by your pheromones? Or, it’s simply because she’s a woman? Well, you are a normal person at first, anyway. Moreover, she’s your ex. No wonder you choose her.”

Why does it suddenly become like this? It’s so f*cked up.

“Listen, Riku.” I grabbed his cheeks, so he faced me. “I planned to not telling you this, but, I’ll tell you. I hope you’re ready, though you won’t believe me.”

Guess I will really be telling him. It’s not like I can hide it forever. Let’s just hope for the best.

“The craziest thing is not about me whose suddenly being thrown in here, but the fact that this entire world, including you, your past, and your fate, it’s all … my own novel story.”

His eyes widened, but he fell silent. I know just how shocked he is right now.

“Back then, I was a novel writer. I wrote BLs, and just before I died, I was preparing for my new novel. That was this story about you, but I haven’t finished it yet. Honestly, I don’t even realized it when the first time I got here. It was Shiro who told me about it. I don’t want to believe it either, but the more I tried to deny it, the more it became clear that this is indeed my novel’s story.”

Riku’s body gets trembling. He raised his hands, covered his face. The moment I realized it, his sobbing is already filled this silent room.

“What kind of excuse is that?! You couldn’t give me good excuses, so you told me that?! That bullshit?!” He yelled. “Enough with your isekai story! I tried so hard to believe you, but now you give me this shit?! Iori, you—”

“I’ve told you, no? Me, too, can’t believe it either.”

His face is wet of tears. I couldn’t bring myself to hold him, not that I even have any courage to touch him right now. He’s hurt, and it’s my fault.

“… Fine, then. If it’s indeed you who wrote this … if it’s all your work, then … you really are still thinking about her. Am I wrong, Iori Yamamoto?”

I gasped. “N-No, that’s—”

“The fact that she’s here in your own work, means that you were thinking about her while wrote this damn story, right?! Now it’s all clear.” He stood up, wiped out the tears harshly.

It’s still shocking me. Shouldn’t he be mad at me because I made him suffer in this story? But instead, he’s more upset about Makio.

“Wait, Riku!”

When I realized it, he’s already walked towards the front door. To make things worse, it’s a heavy rain outside.

I ran to him and grabbed his hand. “Where are you going?! It’s raining!”

He pulled back his hand roughly. With a cold face, he glared at me. “None of your business.”

I can’t give up yet. Before it’s late, I hugged him tightly and begged, “I won’t ask you to forgive me, and if you don’t want to see me anymore, I’ll go, so please … don’t go. It’s dangerous.”

He didn’t say anything. I also don’t hear his sobbing anymore, but seconds later ….

Plak!

I widened my eyes and released my hug.

Riku is glaring at me with his cold eyes. His cheek reddened, and he pointed a knife to his neck.

I felt weak towards my whole body. My legs gave up, so I kneel. I’m crying before I knew it, and once again, begging him, “P-Put that down, p-please ….” I’m not touching him, not at all. I know it’ll just make him mad even more.

Slowly, he puts the knife down. Just after I felt relieved a little, he opened his mouth without looking at me.

“Don’t you dare chase me, or else … I’ll kill myself in front of you. Surely, you don’t want to be a murderer, right?”

That’s it. He’s walking outside, leaving me alone with a lot in my head. I couldn’t do anything. I’m no different than that scumbag.

He’s gone. Riku is gone, and it’s all my fault.