I could see the question in her eyes. That soft, subtle look she gave at me now and then asking why things were different today. I wasn’t even sure, myself. Yesterday had been filled with the true laughter of friends. And today…well I wasn’t even sure what to call it. 

It hadn’t been her. At breakfast, she had made some teases, and my lack of response seemed to lock her up. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to join in. I just didn’t know what to say. 

The quietness had only built up between us till we now sat in the library, almost too scared to breathe lest she hear the uneasiness in my breath. I guess it was a question in my own mind that kept me from being able to process anything else. Was she truly not interested in romance at all? Or was it only when it came to me? 

I tried to tell myself that just because she said she hadn’t thought about ever wanting to marry back then didn’t mean she couldn’t now. But then I would remember how she had avoided looking at me after that ride. And back to the time she had appeared so uncomfortable when close to me while teaching her to dance. And the other time when swimming. 

But why did it bother me so much? It wasn’t like I was in love with her. 

~*~

As the days passed, I saw less and less of the princess. She even started doing her translating work in her room. I pretended to be busy as well. At least the Elders let me write a few letters. But the more meetings I attended, they started to question me. 

“Why aren’t you with the princess? Is there an issue between you two?”

With a deep sigh, I shook my head. There technically wasn’t, but things weren’t quite right either. And wasn’t it all over nothing? Did the princess think I was angry with her? 

I sat up from the meeting table. “I’ll go find her.”

After not finding her in her room, I went to the library. When I walked in, I saw her suddenly put something back as if trying to hide something. 

“Looking for something?” I asked. 

Her wide eyes settled down to a calmer look. “I just wondered if there were any more gnome books.”

“I see… You must really enjoy reading. I’m sure you will be able to soon.”

We stood silently, though our stares both continued to linger, almost as if she was asking if it was safe. She didn’t look at me at all so her disappearance must have been because of my actions…or lack of them. So this was something I needed to fix. 

I grabbed a book in the fiction section. “Come. Let’s go to the garden.”

The question in her eyes was apprehensive, but she finally followed. 

I pointed to a nice, grassy area. 

“What are we doing?” She questioned. 

“Don’t you like to lay and watch the clouds?”

“Yes, but what’s the book for?”

Without answer, I sat and waited for her to lay down. Next, I started to read. At first, her eyes widened in surprise. But soon they relaxed to contentment. 

I never read fiction and never out loud. As strange as it felt, I forced myself to go on and hoped my voice was smooth enough to fake confidence. The story was about a knight who had gone off to war. 

After a while, I glanced back at her again. This time, her eyes were closed. 

I paused. “Are you awake?”

Her eyes shot open. “Yea…of course. Why are you looking at me?”

“I wasn’t…” I knew that was dumb to say since obviously I was. “Do you want me to keep reading?” I asked to change the topic. 

She nodded. 

This time, I made sure to keep my eyes on the pages. After a while, I would stop and ask if she wanted to hear more. She always said yes…until the third time when there was no answer. 

Finally, I looked at her to see that this time she really was asleep. I let myself watch her. A face couldn’t have looked any more peaceful. A peace that somehow seemed to seep into my own bones by simply looking at her.

But did she truly feel at peace when awake? Did she still miss her old life? I wasn’t sure why those questions came to me, but I quickly dismissed them. 

When she finally awoke, I made sure I appeared to be occupied with something else. 

She sat up. “Why did you stop reading?”

“You fell asleep.”

“Did I?” She asked in a groggy voice. 

“I thought you were enjoying the story. Was it actually that boring?”

“Yes. It’s rather boring.”

I had to look into her eyes to tell that she wasn’t joking. “Then why did you have me keep reading?”

What I didn’t expect was to see embarrassment on her face. 

“Well…I… There was nothing else to do.”

I couldn’t help feeling that wasn’t the actual reason, but I hadn't a clue what it could be. 

Even further confusing me, she stood up and smiled. “Read to me again sometime, Kalin.” 

The third time… That was the third time she had used my name. But why was I counting? 

~*~

I didn’t see the princess again until supper. She seemed more at ease which helped me to relax a bit more. Reading to her had been a good idea after all. 

“I had the cooks make vegetable soup. I know it might not be as good as mushroom, but something different at least.”

She tried a sip. “It’s not bad.” She then stared at her food with a serious look. “When is my test?”

“What test?”

Her eyes turned to me. “You know…the ball.”

“Oh, yes, that… A week at the earliest. Anything sooner would be considered rude. But it will be small so the workers and cooks shouldn’t have too much to do. But are you sure you are ready? You haven’t even taken any etiquette classes.”

“Yes, I’m sure. It will be easy.”

Part of me felt this whole thing was going to be a disaster, but for some reason I  agreed to it. It would be at least quite entertaining to watch her try to pass without training. I didn’t expect things to go well, but with only knights and their ladies of choosing to attend, it shouldn’t matter much. It would at least give us an idea how far she was from being able to meet with the Relkom Elders. The last week, I had totally forgotten about the progress that needed to be made. 

“I was wondering,” her timid voice questioned. “If I do pass…can I choose what my reward is?”

“Don’t you want to go to the sea?”

“I do but…there is something else I wanted too.”

“What is it?”

“Can I tell you after?”

Was she scared I would say no? There were a great many things I could think of that she might want. But the only true thing that made sense was her wanting to see the gnomes again. 

But maybe another week could change her mind. I could try harder… Maybe she could be happier here.

~*~

We walked the garden, went on horse rides, got more mushrooms from the forest, went swimming, and I even read to her every day. She seemed to enjoy it all, but at the same time also seemed distracted. She always seemed to be in a hurry, cut our time short, or would be sneaking around. 

The discouragement I felt was probably more crushing than it should have. Was it not enough for her? Was there more I should be doing? But what else was there?

I couldn’t help but feel like this still was about the gnomes. Was she planning an escape? Why else did she seem so suspicious at times? 

Getting out of bed, I overlooked my window to the thick fog. It mirrored how my heart felt, clouded and confused. 

The ball was tomorrow. The princess still acted confident, but now I was the one that didn’t feel that way. I wasn’t sure anymore if I truly could make her happy. 

But today, I felt I had to do something. It might have not been the best idea, but the only idea I had. I would buy her some sort of fine jewelry to wear at the ball. Most girls would be thrilled, but part of me felt it might not mean much to her. But all else seemed to be failing. 

“I’ll be leaving for a while,” I told her after breakfast. 

“Where to?”

“Just some business I need to attend to. I’m sure you will be fine without me.” I didn’t mean for my last words to come out so bitter. 

She looked down at her scone as if asking it a question. 

“I’ll send a guard for you when I’m back.”

She nodded, and I left with no goodbyes.

~*~

In town, I rode alone, my head deep in a hood. Not many people knew what I looked like, so I shouldn't be recognized, but I still wanted to be cautious. I wasn’t supposed to go in public alone without bodyguards but wasn’t about to bring anyone with me while jewelry shopping. 

Going to the most expensive place first, I slowly inspected all the intricate designs. Everything screamed inside of me that this was a foolery idea. After all, she had never worn jewelry before. But she had never ridden a horse before and liked that. But then again, riding a horse and receiving a very feminine gift were quite different. 

Picking something felt nearly impossible. But once I saw a necklace with a green stone that matched her eyes, I felt that was my best bet. Its delicate yet simple design seemed to fit her. 

As I rode back to the castle, I felt a strange heat in my chest. There was no reason to be nervous. Surely that wasn’t it. 

Waiting in the garden, I fidgeted with the necklace in my pocket over and over, questioning my decision. Was this the right thing to get? Should I have not gotten anything at all? 

When she arrived, all questions stopped. Even if it meant nothing to her, I wanted to do this. 

She approached me with questioning eyes. “The guards said you needed to meet with me.”

“Yes. I, uh…” I stopped myself. No, I wanted to do this properly. 

I walked closer to her and looked down softly until her eyes connected with mine. Taking one last step, I brought the necklace and held it up. 

My voice came out in a near gentle whisper. “Ellia…” I felt my heart speed up at saying her gnomic name. “I got this for you.”

Though her eyes glanced at it for a second, they went right back to mine. Her face was full of something, though I couldn’t tell what. Surprise? Wonder? Thankfulness? Maybe all of them? Or perhaps it was all in my head. 

Either way, she acted as this was quite unexpected. But was it the gift or the fact that for the first time, I had spoken the name she was used to?    

As her stare continued, it occurred to me she wasn’t sure what to do next. I had at least expected a thank you, but tried not to let it get to me.

Walking behind her, I gently pulled her hair aside, purposely letting my hands graze her neck. She seemed to stiffen but didn’t oppose it as I clasped the necklace on.  

“It matched your eyes. I thought you could wear it to the ball tomorrow.”

“Alright,” was all she said.