Just as Ellia had suspected, riding a horse wasn’t easy for a gnome, but was manageable. Though many times, I feared Chemy would fall off.
Just as Ellia had been, he was quite reluctant to let me help him on and off. It did feel a bit weird. Like looking at a child but with a beard. Yet, this is all Ellia had been used to. Had seeing other humans been strange to her?
When I set him on solid ground, he wiggled his legs strangely. “I don’t think I want to ever ride a horse again. I’m not sure I can even walk right anymore. In fact, I worry I won’t be able to even poop right for days.”
“I, uh…I’m sure you will be alright.”
“Once I see Ellia, I know I will be.”
The gnome’s enamored eyes widened as we walked through the castle. Servants and guards gave strange looks, but Chemy only gave a jolly smile back. Once the Elders heard of this, I could foresee their disapproval of me bringing a gnome, but I didn’t care what they thought anymore.
“The guards said she was last seen here in the gardens.”
Chemy poked his head through the doorway to see. “No wonder she loved it so much. Look at all the beautiful plants!”
“Stay here. Once I find her, I’ll bring her over.”
“Staying put for a gnome isn’t an easy task, but I’ll strive my best!”
Nodding, I started my search. It didn’t take long to find Ellia sitting on a bench, facing a fountain. The water must have covered my footsteps since she didn’t seem to notice me behind her. Her head and shoulders slumped downward as if discouraged.
I now felt a bit bad having left her so suddenly without word except for a quick note saying I would be gone for the day. But it’s not like me being here would have cheered her up any more.
I was about to call out when she started to murmur something to herself.
“If there is a dragon, I’ll slay it… If there is an ogre, I’ll tie it up...”
My whole body froze. Those were the words I used to speak to her. But how did she know them? Did she remember? She was so young, how could she remember?
The way she spoke it was as if to comfort herself. Just as I had spoken to her before.
“If there is a goblin, I’ll turn it into a frog,” I finished for her.
She turned, startled. “What? Kalin, you’re back.”
I sat next to her. “Yes. Sorry for leaving suddenly.”
“Oh…It’s uh…fine. But how do you know the words?”
“That’s what I would ask you. Those words my mother used to sing to me.”
“Your mother? Oh…I don’t know. I thought it maybe came from a dream. Just something I used to say when I felt lonely when with the fairies.”
I wasn’t sure why, but I was glad she remembered. I also wasn’t sure why I didn’t just tell her that I was the one who used to say that to her.
“I know you have been feeling lonely. But I have a surprise for you. Come with me.”
Though curiosity was quick to reach her face, she was slow to follow. Part of me was eager to see her sorrows erased, but I also knew this wouldn’t be entirely easy. As much as I wanted to be the one to comfort her, I knew I couldn’t be.
Once we turned the corner, Ellia gasped at the site of the gnome who looked just as happy to see her.
Running with a big smile, she fell to her knees by the gnome in a big hug. “Chemy! Oh, Chemy, I can’t believe you are here!”
I smiled at the happy sight for a moment till I felt as a foreigner who didn’t belong. Feeling it was best, I took my leave.
Looking back one last time, I saw the great excitement she had reuniting with her gnome friend. Knowing she was happy would have to be enough for me. But once alone in my room, I felt the lingering cold of loneliness.
~*~
They laughed. They ran through the hallways. They played hide and seek. They explored the gardens. They went to the forest for mushrooms.
I simply stayed out of their way. At least she was back to her usual self. That part I was grateful for. It was the least I could give her before the doom of our marriage.
I wanted to be happy for such an occasion. But how could I be happy with a marriage of duty? How could I be happy knowing that she didn’t want any of this?
Sitting at my desk, I collapsed my head into my hands with a sigh. Was our wedding already tomorrow? How could I face her like that when I had hardly said a word to her all week?
Maybe I should talk to her. But what would I say? What I truly felt? Wouldn’t that only make her feel more uncomfortable? Isn’t that why I had been avoiding her this whole time? But with our wedding so soon, I wanted to at least make sure she was alright.
Approaching her room, I noticed the door was already left open. I could hear her talking to Chemy. About to leave, I suddenly stopped at the words I overheard.
“Are you sure you can do this?”
“No, I’m not sure. But I know it’s what’s best.”
“It’s very brave of you, Ellia. We are all proud. We knew you were special but broom shrooms, what a surprise that you end up being a queen!”
“I’m really scared, Chemy. I don’t want to get married.”
“Don’t fret. He seems to care about you a lot.”
“I know.”
The topic changed, and I suddenly found myself rushing back through the hallway. I already knew that’s how she felt, but hearing it from her own lips felt like a dagger.
~*~
Looking back at myself in the mirror, I saw a man ready to wed, but inside I felt far from that. I should have felt happy. This is what I had been working for ever since the princess was found. But my goals had since changed. I had changed. My heart, my thoughts, my emotions…everything.
When I opened my door, the last thing I expected to see was a short gnome staring back at me with gleeful eyes.
“Growing a beard?”
My hand went to my cheeks at the meager start. “Oh, yes… The gnomes seemed put off by the lack of it. I then realized since that’s all Ellia was used to seeing, maybe she would like it better.”
“Ah, good thinking. So you do love her don’t you?”
Did Chemy really come to talk to me about beards and love?
“Of course I do.”
“When you first brought me here, she really wanted to thank you, but you were already gone. And you have been avoiding her since. Not much good that will do!”
“It’s for the best. You know as much as I do that she doesn't want this marriage.”
“For the love of broom shrooms, that doesn't mean you give up! She has grown up around gnomes which are all males and don’t have any romantic relationships. This whole thing is new to her. Just give her some time.”
It wasn’t something I had really thought about before, but it was true. All of this marriage stuff must seem very strange to her.
I had once thought her playful spirit was because she was still a child inside, but I could see now it was just the gnome way. And with not wanting to get married, I also thought it was from an immature mind.
Yes, being around gnomes most of her life really has shaped her.
My chest struggled out a heavy sigh. “If that’s the case, then she might never be interested in those things.”
“Perhaps,” the gnome was quick to admit. “But you still are important to her. Even if in a different way.”
“I was all she had, so naturally she would gravitate to that. But she no longer needs me.”
“Perhaps,” he casually said again. “Or perhaps you are wrong.”
As much as I wanted to believe that I was somehow special to her, I wasn’t so convinced. “Even if so, she probably would only ever see me like a brother.” That last word caused a long lasting cringe through my gut, especially that today I was to become her husband.
“Stop your belly aching, boy, and just make things right with her again. You owe her that much.”
I almost laughed at the fact that a three foot creature was calling me ‘boy’. But the humor instantly washed away when I realized that he was right. Before, I thought staying away from her was for her own good. And maybe to a degree it was for her sake, but maybe it was also partly for my own. Like a wounded dog retreated to lick its wounds.
But could things ever go back to how they were? And if they did, could I bear being close to her without her returning affection?
He said something else that caught me off guard. “She feels guilty, you know.”
“Guilty? For what?”
“That she wasn’t able to love you how you wanted.”
“Then why did you advise me to win her heart? Wouldn’t that only make her feel worse?”
“Only if you failed. Succeed, and she won’t feel guilty anymore! Problem solved.” He raised his hands as if already celebrating.
“You are only confusing me more. Am I supposed to pressure her to love me or treat her as only a sister?”
He chuckled. “Both!”
My eyes narrowed. “That doesn’t help.”
“Time for me to go! Looks like it’s wedding time!” Chemy waddled away as my escort guards arrived.
No, that didn’t help at all.
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