-Felix-

Even though I was the son of a duke, I had been assigned to sit among the general crowd for the ceremony. I sat on the aisle seat, several rows down. Just another face in a sea of people. Attendees were still coming in, moving to their places. The general crowd didn't have assigned seating, at least, so I could sit with my friends. Fletcher was directly to my left. Westly and Kyle were beside him. At first, I'd been focused on Mortuary's sour disposition. What kind of trouble was Mortuary going to cause today? 

Then, the man he'd come in with turned to face me and sat down.

The clouds parted, a shaft of sunlight struck through the window to shine on him, and I swear the gods lifted a rainbow halo around his glorious crimson hair.

A visible scar marred his lips, and I helplessly watched them move as he spoke to Mortuary, wondering how soft they might actually be. His freckles... and that one dark one just under his left eye bounced up when he smiled... 

The air had left the room. 

How had I not known someone so beautiful existed in the world? Why was that person a man? What cruel god had created this piece of art? He was obviously noble, but I'd never seen him in town before. How could that be? He had to be someone high-ranking. Then again, I tried to avoid official functions as much as possible, and this man had been deployed for at least the last five years.

I couldn't breathe.

I was vaguely aware of Fletcher staring at me. A hulking dark shape stepped closer on my right.

"Maybe," Westgard's deep voice whispered beside me as his hand descended onto my shoulder, "You should talk to him?" He'd been coming down the aisle, heading toward his assigned seat at the front.

"What would I say?" I whispered, unaware that the thought had been verbalized and Captain Westgard was the one who had heard it. Looking up at the large man, I realized that while Westgard was frowning, it wasn't nearly as deep as his usual frown. He looked amused.

"Hi, I think you're beautiful. Go out with me?" Westgard suggested. "It isn't that difficult." He paused and looked back at the man. "Ah, but then again, maybe it is when it's your first time."

I looked down at my knees, trembling beneath Westgard's massive hand. "I-"

"Stop lying," Westgard said, but his tone was gentle. "To yourself, at least. It isn't healthy." He patted my shoulder and headed to his seat.

Even though I wanted to stop staring, I couldn't tear my eyes off the man who had unexpectedly stolen my heart. His thick arms looked... strong. He spoke to Mortuary a little more. Prince Daniel sat beside them briefly, then left. The redhead asked something, looking shocked. He and Mortuary fell silent when Duke Lyon took his seat beside them.

Oh, but that... 

Duke Lyon would be the problem. I had never heard the man's opinion on same-sex couples, but I knew he wouldn't like it, considering the constant pressure for me to be a man and act manly. I had done my best to ignore how much I liked looking at the other knights when they took their tops off. I'd ignored the male streetwalkers who offered themselves. But this man was impossible to ignore.

How silky was that hair?

I gripped my thighs, my sweaty palms wrinkling the fabric of my dress uniform. At least it was black and wouldn't be visible... much. Hopefully.

"What are you looking at?" Fletcher asked as he leaned over to peer, following my gaze. "Mortuary?" Fletcher looked back at me, then again where I was staring. He gasped. "Lord Reid Owen?" his tone turned to teasing.

"Shut up," I felt my face heat. How was it that everyone else knew, but I didn't?

Fletcher chuckled, put his arm on my shoulder, and leaned. "You've got some fine taste, Felix."

"Doesn't it... disgust you?" I asked in a panic. I had just fallen in love at first sight with a man! This was not where I'd expected my life to go. This wasn't what was supposed to happen! How? But Reid Owen was bouncing his knee in agitation, and I could practically feel the nervous energy radiating from him. I wanted to pin him down and make him stay still as I... But this was so wrong. All my feelings were wrong!

"Wow," Fletcher muttered, retreating slightly. I wanted to cry. I was breathing shallowly in my panic and starting to shake. To my surprise, he rubbed my upper back reassuringly. "No. It doesn't. Breathe, Felix. There's nothing wrong with you. We've all been waiting for you to realize... That it took Reid Owen for it to hit you," he laughed softly. Leaning forward to see my face, Fletcher said, "Look at me."

I pried his gaze from my hands and turned to meet Fletcher's green eyes. 

He had very pretty eyes. Now that I was allowing myself to see it, I couldn't help realizing that my four best friends all had a certain air about them that was more like Cecil Lambs and less like... Duke Lyon.

"Felix," Fletcher said reassuringly. "There's nothing wrong with you. We'll talk more later, but for now, don't beat yourself up over it and just... stare at Sir Owen." He grinned. "It's kind of hard not to, after all. He really is one nice chunk of meat."

Biting my lip, I looked down again, but Sir Owen moved, shoving his hand through his hair. He's not into men... I told myself. This is doomed... I'm stupid. At least Father didn't notice. He'd have to pay attention to me to have noticed... That thought struck me with both joy and sadness. My father had no interest in paying attention to me long enough to notice something that even my commanding officer had picked up on. Duke Lyon may not care about me, but bunches of others did. Mortuary was right. There was no point clinging to a man who would never even try.

"Fletcher," I said softly, midway through the award ceremony.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for caring about me."

"My friend, you're one of the sweetest people I know. How can I not care about you?" Fletcher said. "Good gods. I'm glad you didn't get sent to the frontlines. You would've died."

"What does my lack of sword skills have to do with this?" I asked, feeling a little hurt that he'd bring up that at a time like this.

Fletcher shook his head, a shadow haunting his expression. "The things I saw there... I want you to stay sweet and pure forever. The battlefield is no place for you. The sword doesn't suit you."

"Then what does?" I asked helplessly. "Mortuary is fed up with Father. I think that's why he didn't do the assignment. He tore apart someone deserving, but it wasn't to hurt Aunt Karen. It was to hurt him."

Fletcher's eyes widened. "Wow. That makes a whole lot more sense. So Mortuary wanted the General to notice him, too? I mean... it makes sense. Getting a nod from him is an achievement, but if not even The Mortuary could impress him, then who could?"

"I'm going to give up on him too," I said, hands relaxing on my knees. "I'm done living to his standards and by his rules."

"That makes me so happy to hear you say," Fletcher said fondly. "I'm really proud of you."

Tears pricked my eyes. I couldn't help but smile. At ease with this decision, I felt freer now than I'd ever known was possible. Practically euphoric, I sat through the remainder of the ceremony without hearing any of it and instead planned what I would say to Reid Owen. I had been rejected by women before. It hadn't hurt in the slightest. I knew that Reid rejecting me would hurt, though, just because I was getting my hopes up about it.

But at the same time...

Waiting until after the ceremony, I asked Fletcher, "Is Kyle..."

"Yes."

"And Westly?"

"Yes."

I bit my lips together in thought. Though I didn't want to mention his name since he was no longer with us, I had to ask, "Ben?" 

"Yes," Fletcher said, sadness in his eyes, but he still managed a smile. "He'd be proud of you too, you know that, right?"

I fell silent for a moment, allowing my heart to ache and tears to prick my eyes. My three other friends, now confirmed as being more than straight, I listed off every other man Westgard had ever suggested I talk to.

"Yes. Yes. Yes." Fletcher supplied with a knowing grin.

Licking my lips, I fidgeted as I saw Reid Owen walk by in a hurry with Mortuary on his heels and whispered, "Then... How does the captain know all these men are...?"

Fletcher sputtered a laugh.

Reeling back, I covered my mouth to keep from blurting my thoughts as I put the pieces together. Cecil Lambs had been hitting on the captain and Daniel before turning to hit on me. Captain Westgard suggested I talk to Reid Owen, too, which meant there was a higher chance that I would not get rejected due to lack of interest.

Biting the side of my finger in excitement, I stared at Fletcher as my friend laughed at me.

Now, I just had to find the courage.