Since the tender age of 6, since seeing him for the first time, the memory of him burned into her mind. 

She remembers that day and it's details. She remembers the bright sunlight, the cool wind, the slightly prickly grass where she sat. Her teary eyes, the dampness of her round rosy cheeks, and also the pain in her scraped knee.

Lola, Mrs Grey's pet yorkshire that somehow got let loose, out of nowhere started chasing her. The pup was faster than what her little legs were able to take her to run, and in her panic, she hadn't noticed the small dip on the ground that immediately threw her balance off. Meanwhile the little yorkshire, in it's blissful ignorance, quickly forgot about what it was after. 

She remembers that it hurt quite a bit. she remembered thinking, "from this point onwards, i hate dogs". All she could do was cry, not even being able to muster up the strength to get back up.

Her little sobs eventually caught his attention, a little boy slightly smaller than her, and as he yelled from afar, approaching her,"are you okay?", she remembers noticing his missing two front teeth, another detail imprinted in her memory.

Despite her silence, he helped her up, took her back to her worried mom, then finally properly introduced himself,

"My name is Vinny!"

She remembers thinking that his name does not suit him at all, as he smiled at her, baring his missing teeth and sticking his hand out. She remembers taking it, and as she shook it she felt him for the first time.

"I'm Jude."

The two bonded after their first encounter. She would be playing outside alone just how she likes it, looking at flowers when the little boy, who turned out to be a year younger than her, would surprise her from behind, calling out her name.

Her favorite time alone would slowly turn to her favorite time together with him. Everyday, her usual leisure time she'd normally spend alone was now spent with him. And she had nothing to complain about. His company was lovely.

The days spent developing friendship suddenly halted as one day it was already time for Vinny to leave.

It's weird that she doesn't remember being sad. Maybe it was because he suddenly disappeared one day, not even leaving her a chance to process her emotions. She had to find out when she was in the supermarket with her mom when they met Vinny's uncle. She had asked him where Vinny was, only to be told the little missing-teethed boy had already left a day ago.

She was okay with it. Though somehow, her alone times started to feel a little too lonely. 

Many years later, she remembers an accident had happened. The details were spared and all she knew is that the accident had took the life of the familiar face that she knew as Vinny's uncle. The neighbourhood grieved, but life seemed to swiftly go back to normal.

It was an unassuming day when Jude was in the middle of her usual solitary moments at the park. From behind, a familiar voice startled her.

"Jude?" 

As she turned around, nothing could have prepared her to see the person standing before her.

"It's you isn't it? it's been forever!" he spoke again, a voice tinged with nostalgia.

Looking at him, she remembers his name, once peculiar and out of place, now suiting him perfectly.

"Vinny?"

He smiled, wide, of course with no missing teeth this time, then he chuckled as he nodded his head.

Her cheeks felt warm all of a sudden. That was the day she fell for him. 

Back then she thought it would just be a mere fleeting feeling, but it was not. She remembers being in love with Vinny ever since she was 19.

Even now, deep inside, she knows she still loves him. She knows, it's meant to be this way, he is who she wants and has been longing for.

But she couldn't ignore the disgust that is now growing for these lingering feelings.

Now at 22, she lays in her cold bathtub fully clothed soaked from head to toe. She is starting to feel the dizziness of the several doses of pills she had taken before.

Funny. No matter how much she took, the memory of him persists. The weight of it pressed upon her, each recollection slicing wounds in her heart. 

A kitchen knife in hand, her fingers trembled as she clutched it. She gazed at her left wrist, desiring to erase the past. She is desperate to forget.