Our

Who am I?...

It's a very intriguing thought, that seems to encapsulate almost the entirety of what our human mind revolves around. Not only that, but almost everyone seems to have their own way of answering the same question…

Some people say that we have no purpose for living, and thus we might as well live it out in any way we want… Others say that we’re nothing more than a group of atoms, spiraling around somewhere in space with the sole purpose of reproducing and creating offspring, to perpetuate the species as a whole… And, others might not even want to answer the question. They say, that we shouldn’t be so caught up in the concept of purpose, after all, we’re here anyway...

But if there truly is no purpose… Or our purpose is solely to reproduce, to carry on the species as a whole, or even to simply carry on our own genetic line… Then why do we bother with the concept of Identity so much?

If we're looking at a person's whole life, I don’t think a single human can say that they never had a thought along the lines of, ‘Who am I,' or 'Why am I here?’ And yes, it might've not been a fully processed thought, but all we need to do is look at our own actions to see if it occurred at some point or not.

Thus, begins the search for Identity.

We try to dig within ourselves, to find out, ‘Who we are’ and, ‘What makes us special.’

 And while we’re digging around in ourselves, we also look to others to find an answer to the plaguing question. To fill the void, in a sense. We do our best for our parents, our friends, our partners, bosses, teachers, and the list goes on. Sometimes practically living, day by day, for that acknowledgment from another being. A ‘Good job’ here... A ‘Congratulations’ there… 

And, especially… an “I Love You.”

From anywhere. 

Or anyone…

I have a hunch, that one struggles to truly live as a human being, without feeling the need, or desire, to be loved. And not just for what we do either… But simply for who we are, without all the bells and whistles attached.

Oh sure, we all know that logically it’s not healthy to keep looking for love from other people. We try our best to ‘enjoy’ love from others, but not to need it like we need air. Why else would self-love be such a prominent thing?

‘Learn how to love yourself!’

‘Be your own person!’

‘Who cares what others think!’

…

I’ve heard that a lot… 

…And I’m sure you have too.

The problem with this ‘self-love’ concept, is that clearly, we as a species… all of humanity… don’t really seem to have it, do we? As Timothy Keller once said, the human ego is like a balloon... It's either deflated, or in imminent danger of being deflated, and both of these are just different forms of the same problem.

Now that’s quite a pickle, isn’t it?

The thing that we need, the thing that we crave like oxygen, the thing that we even try to tell ourselves that we don’t need, after all, we’ll never get it anyway... Is the one thing that we can never truly get from others… Or even ourselves.

Oh, we try!

We can get up early, and do some self-affirmations! Or go on a morning run to clear our head... Maybe even work out, ya know… After all, so many things about depression are all about dopamine and serotonin right? So maybe keeping the ‘healthy lifestyle’ will fix things!

So we try.

Over…

And Over…

AND OVER…

But here's the thing about self-love… Since we know we can’t sustain meeting other’s standards, the only real way that we know to find, or even identify love, is to set standards of our own. We love X because of Y, so clearly we need to do Y, but in our own way so that it’s not like we’re comparing ourselves to others. And then we'll love ourselves because we're doing the things that we love! Oh, and if I do this, and that, then it will make me a better person too! And if I'm a better person then clearly I'll love myself and who I've become, right?

Right?...

And then, we fail at those standards too.

Or we make them...

But we're still unhappy.

And as we try to find that sense of self-love… we change the things around us… we change the things about ourselves… we might even change the things inside ourselves. Desperate to find that Love that will make us feel whole… Complete…

“Shalom”

Do you know what Shalom means? Let me give you a hint, it’s not English. 

It’s Hebrew.

According to Miriam Webster’s dictionary, Shalom has simply been reduced to… ‘Used as a Jewish greeting and farewell’... Sometimes, I find it so sad how the true definition, meaning, and implications of vocabulary, can be swallowed up by our own ‘modern understanding’ of a text…

Shalom means so much more than just, hello or goodbye. If in fact, you were to translate each part of its meaning, roughly, it would be something more akin to this.

Shalom;

May you be filled with complete and perfect Peace, Harmony, and Well-Being. May Health, Prosperity, and Wholeness of mind and spirit be upon you.

A very different meaning, eh?

It's something that seems impossible to have…

And yet, that’s the type of wholeness and peace that God built us to have. In John 14 Jesus says to his disciples, "Peace I leave with you; My [Shalom] peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid."

…So then… What happened? How is it, that the Purpose-Maker made us need something to function, that’s impossible for us to have? Isn’t that just cruel?

…Well… 

Like how a Bicycle needs a rider to carry out its purpose, we need God to carry out ours. 

He didn’t make us to function without him, so when we do, we don’t get the perfect wholeness or peace, that the living word of God provides. 

We don’t get…

Shalom.