I stood there for a long time, feeling the light breeze in my hair, while thinking about our talk.

She actually seemed to miss the way things used to be. Did she really want to be friends again? I miss her so bad, and she made it clear that she felt the same way.

And the fluttery feeling in my chest whenever I saw her... It definitely wasn't normal. Did she feel this way towards me too?

I can't keep fooling myself anymore.

No matter how hard I tried to push down those feelings, they always resurfaced, even stronger than before.

It was driving me crazy. What was this feeling? I just don't understand it.

The only other time I've felt this way was with.... her, the one that I had all my firsts with.

Sadly, things didn't work out with her...

But I wasn't in love with Alexsis, was I?

As much as I wanted to deny it, I'm starting to think it might be true. Or maybe I'm just confused...

No, I needed to be sure. I need to test myself and these feelings for her.

I just wish feelings weren't so complicated. They're so hard to understand.

With the masquerade ball and winter exams coming up, I shouldn't have any time to think about Alexsis. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, honestly. I was actually pretty glad that I had all these things to distract me from her. But somehow, she always finds a way into my mind. 

I also really can't afford to have my grades drop. My parents would absolutely kill me then. They expect at least As or A pluses. I hate how sly they are too. They know all my teachers personally. So if I was acting off or misbehaving during class, they would relay that to my parents. Their punishments were always so harsh. They never went easy on me, no matter the circumstances. 

Sometimes I wonder if they even care about my happiness or my well-being. They probably didn't even love me. Their marriage was also arranged, so I doubt that they even knew how to love.

But enough about the past, it's all unrelevant at this point.

The thing bothering me the most these days was the fact that I had boys and girls who I've never even seen before chase after me asking me to the ball. 

Damn.

No wonder I haven't seen Alexsis around in the schoolyard these days, she was smart to steer clear of this place. I should probably take a page out of her book and do the same. 

And so, I spent all of my free time inside, hanging out with Marcus, Victoria, and Frank. We were roommates since day 1, so we've known each other for over 3 years. It's funny how all the rumors here about them were true.

Marcus was tall, strong, and easygoing. He was Spanish, and had a great sense of humor.

He offered us all weed on our first day here, and we all took him up on his offer.

He told us that he's been using weed since grade 5, yet still could control his intake and didn't even get addicted. And so, we all assumed it was safe. We all still use it once a week together.

I like the way it feels. It makes me feel warm, light and relaxed. And for some reason, sometimes it makes me think of Alexsis. It makes me wonder how her touch would feel.... But people say that weed is bad for you for a reason. I suppose that's why. Gives you artificial feelings, such as euphoria. And.. whatever that is.

We also drink often, the alcohol provided by Frank.

Frank was extremely careful about everything and everyone he trusts. But once he trusts you, he's actually a very trustworthy and loyal person.

I don't know how both of them do it, smuggling drugs and alcohol into the academy. I found out later on that they do it through Mr. William, the teacher that Victoria was dating. They've been dating for 2 years already, and were planning to get married after Victoria turned 18. But if we were to be caught...

Well, it better never come to that.

That's why whenever there's even a small argument between them, we immediately try to sort things out. If they were to break up... I have no idea what would happen to us. To this day, I still don't get why my parents thought that Alexsis was bad for our reputation, yet being with people like Marcus, Victoria, and Frank wasn't. 

I mean, they're my friends and I don't mind the things they do and all, but they are bad. I couldn't deny that.

I guess they don't care about what they don't know and can't see.

I decided to go to the ball alone, like the 2 years before. I didn't like anyone and I certainly wasn't going with someone I didn't have feelings for.

Marcus and Frank were secretly dating, although no one knew except for Victoria and I.

And obviously, Victoria can't go with her boyfriend since he teaches here, so the two of us were both going by ourselves.

Even though annual masquerade ball is an event that most people here anticipate, it seems like it's a burden. Us rich kids have to find a new and fancy outfit every year and you can't wear anything similar to someone else. If you fail to do so, you'll be made fun of and gossiped about. It was the unspoken rules and criteria for the ball.

It honestly takes too much effort to find a perfect outfit for some party you don't even want to attend, especially with all the homework and exams. At least I'll see Alexis there. She'd definitely wear a suit, given that she wasn't the type to wear a dress. I wonder how she'd look. Probably very handsome for her date... I'll admit it, I'm still bitter. I was used to her only being with me. 

Things really have changed since we were friends.