“What was…that?” Anna asked—cheeks flustered, eyes half-lidded, gaze intoxicated. A spell had been cast and we were drowning in its effect.

“Fuck…this, I- I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” I tried to apologise, but all I could see was her mouth, plump and pink. Something drew me in again, and soon, my hands were on her body, our lips back together.

For how long we stayed like that, I do not know. Time had stopped, as if to witness this sacred event of two kindred souls. Sense had lost its meaning—I didn’t care at all about what would happen once we stopped.

All that mattered was this moment, as I inhaled her lavender scent in.

It had to end, though. Our breaths were finite as long as our lips stayed connected. It was I who broke the kiss.

“I think I like you,” I said, brushing a stray hair off my forehead as I did so.

“Yeah? I totally wouldn’t have realised that from you trying to suck my face off,” Anna wore a cheeky smile now, but her eyes bore into mine like never before.

“That was…something. But I really did not know, y’know? Not before this.”

“Uh huh? You do magic, Seph. Your magic pulls me in. Hard.” She took my hand in hers, and put it to her lips. Soon, warmth found my fingers, and I felt my insides tingle with desire. Sweet like honey, the touches soothed and burned—her caress a hot embrace.

Our limbs danced in infinite loops of time unconstrained—minds in haze, feelings aflame and bodies untamed.

What I was feeling now was special. Different from what I was used to. I wasn’t comfortable with it, of course. My heartbeat raced in her presence, and not because of how beautiful she was. Years of friendship had resulted in this—I couldn’t believe it all. No matter how much I thanked my luck, it wouldn’t be enough. Not for the blessing that this girl had been in my life.

‘Blue dress, pearl earrings and lavender scent, just like the day we-’

‘Wait…no, no, NO.’

‘This CAN’T be happening.’

Breaking out of my thoughts, I look at her.

But there was no one to look at.

Emptiness.

Nothing but emptiness covered the space in front of me.

‘I’m NOT crazy. I can’t, no, I didn’t…right?!’

Then my gaze shifted, and I saw her.

Half-grey hair, glasses and a sea-green dress shirt.

Just like the day she died.

‘Mom?’

‘You died…you CAN’T be real. Why are you here?’

‘I’m made of your memories, sweetie. I’m as real as you want me to be.’ She smiled, her eyes crinkling like they used to, and an uncertain warmth bubbled inside of me.

A want. A yearning. A wish.

A piercing pain then sizzled through my mind, burning hot and agonising. I was in hell, and my mind was my prison. I had hallucinated not only my best friend, but also my dead mother.

And…the sweetest moments we had ever shared, the closest we’d ever been—it wasn’t even REAL. What was I supposed to even believe now? My eyes, ears and senses—they had all betrayed me.

Most importantly, if the Anna I had been seeing was an illusion, like the false prophet of a newfound religion, then where was MY Anna? The REAL Anna?

It was then that I remembered.

Anna had not survived.

She was no more.

My best friend, my first love…was DEAD.

Because of me.

‘Maybe I should die too. Who do I live for, anyway? I’m a living burden. A curse.’

I picked up the knife conveniently placed on the desk nearby.

My vision blurred, and soon—there was blood.