Rin

After a sleepless night of contemplation, I decided to start looking for jobs as soon as possible. Uncle won’t be happy that I went ahead without his approval but I can’t just sit idly while he struggles by himself. There’s no reason I can’t help him. He is just being unreasonable. I don’t know if it’s his pride or if he believes I won’t be able to live the life I want but he isn’t seeing the bigger picture. I only have him and Parker. I would regret not doing something more than I would regret not going to college. Plus, I don’t want Parker to lose his father. I know it will happen one day but it’s too soon. If uncle slows down and focuses on his health he could live a long life. That’s the only thing that matters. I don’t understand him at all. What if there is more to his health problems than what he was letting on? He’s acting as if our futures are all that matter but what about his? He’s not giving up, is he? No, I won’t let that happen. I won’t.

After 2 hours of searching for a job online, I decided to take a break. I went on a walk around the neighborhood to see if anybody was hiring. On my way back I stopped at the supermarket to pick up a few things we needed around the house. As I was checking out I heard the manager talking to another employee about a position that they desperately needed to be filled.

“Um, excuse me. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but did you say you were looking to hire someone? I am currently looking for a job. I’d be interested in the position.” I say boldly.

I hope I didn’t just ruin my chance by interrupting. Let’s hope they're just desperate enough to let this slide.

“You look like you are a high schooler. We, unfortunately, need overnight stockers. It would be from 10 pm to 5 Am. I’m sorry.” The manager explains.

“I’m graduating in 2 weeks. I can start then and in the meantime, I can work the weekends.” I say desperately. 

The manager glances at the other employee before responding. 

“Here, fill this out and we will set up a proper interview for you in a few days.” The manager says as he passes me a job application sheet. 

“Thank you. Thank you very much.” I say as I bow my head with gratitude. 

“Yeah, don’t thank me yet. I’m just giving you an interview.” The manager says coldly.

“That’s what I’m thankful for,” I say with a smile. 

I take my time filling out the job application before I leave the store. My whole way home I was humming to myself with excitement. Fingers crossed everything will work out.

Two days after our fateful first meeting, the manager of the supermarket called me to set up an interview. I asked if we could do it as soon as possible and he agreed. I guess I made a good impression because he hired me right then and there. Considering I can’t start working the shift he needs me to work until I graduate, we worked out a schedule that would help him the best in the meantime. I work after school during the week and on the weekends. I’ll be extremely busy in the next couple of weeks but I’m excited. This job pays well and it’s close to home. I’ll be able to help my uncle easily with this job. I wonder if he will be proud of me.

“No.” Uncle says in a demanding tone.

“I’ve already signed the paperwork and I start working tomorrow,” I state.

“Don’t you need your guardian's approval?” Uncle asks.

He is angry. I don’t understand. I thought he would be proud that I was able to get a good job like this right out of high school. I guess he doesn’t think this job is that great. I mean it is physical labor but he has worked in the construction industry since he was 19. 

“No, I’m 18. I don’t need your approval. Why are you so dead set on this? I just want to lessen your load. I want to help you.” I say.

Uncle just stares at me. He’s at a loss for words. He knows I’m right but he still doesn’t want to accept my help.

“You are all I have. You and Parker are my only family. I want to help. Please. Let me help. I want you to live a long life and watch Parker grow up. He’s still a kid. Please, uncle. Just focus on your health and take it easy. College isn’t going anywhere. I can go anytime. Plus, if you get better you can go back to work. It’s not the end.” I say with a smile on my face.

Uncle sighs before speaking again.

“Rin, you are too much like your father sometimes. Alright, just until I’m well enough to get my job back. Then you will go to college. Understand?” Uncle says firmly.

“Yes, I understand,” I say as I hug him.

“Now, go away and let me watch my show in peace.” Uncle says as he unpauses his show.

I start my job the next day and end up enjoying it more than I thought. Today is Saturday so I’m working the overnight shift. There are only employees in the store, it’s strange to see. After my first day of training, I head home early in the morning. When I finally settle in for the night I realize I forgot about something. Well, I forgot about someone. I haven’t responded to Josie for two days. I am the worst boyfriend ever. I told him I got a job but I haven’t talked to him since then. It’s too early to call him, so I’ll just send him a text.

Rin: Hey, sorry I’ve been MIA. I had my first shift today. It was fun. I miss you. So much. I’m going to sleep now but I'll call you when I wake up. I love you.

After sending a text I collapse onto my bed and fall asleep almost instantly.

When I woke up I found that Josie had blown up my phone as I slept. 10 missed calls and 15 texts. I told him I was going to sleep. Why did he continue to call me? Is he alright? I hope nothing happens. I hurriedly called Josie.

-Ring- Ring-

“Hey,” Josie says in an unfamiliar tone.

Is he… mad?

“Hey, sorry. I just woke up. Is everything alright? You called a bunch of times.” I ask, concerned.

“Everything is fine. I just wanted to talk to you.” He says timidly.

That’s cute. He isn’t the possessive type so it’s cute when he gets needy. However, I do feel bad for making him feel that way in the first place.

“I’m sorry babe. I shouldn’t have ghosted you like that, no matter how busy I was. Can you forgive me?” I ask cutely.

“Yea. Just this once. I’ll forgive you.” Josie says mockingly.

Good, he isn’t that mad. I need to pay more attention to him. I don’t want to end up hurting him. That’s the last thing I want.

After a couple of days of juggling my new job and school, I found out just how hard it is to maintain relationships when you have no free time. I kept canceling plans with Josie and would completely ignore his texts for almost half a day. When we were at school, things were so hectic because of graduation that we didn’t have any chance to talk. Two days before graduation, Josie confronted me as he dropped me off at my house.

“Rin, can we talk before you go inside?” Josie asks.

What’s up with his serious face all of a sudden? I wonder what he has to talk about.

“Sure, what's up?” I ask.

“Did I do something wrong?” Josie asks.

“No, why?” I responded.

“Then why are you so distant? You won’t answer my texts half the time and we haven’t had time to see each other for weeks. I know you started a new job but you don’t even message me on your days off. We make plans and you cancel them. What is with the sudden change? Why did you start working before we graduated? We had plans to go to the beach this summer and everything. I feel like something happened but you won’t tell me. Please, just tell me what’s been going on with you lately.” Josie begs.

Fuck. I can see the anxiousness on his face. Everything he said is true. I haven’t been spending any time with him. Honestly, I don’t even have an excuse. If I had told him what was going on with my uncle I know Josie would be understanding but I don’t want him to know. He would find some way to help me even if that meant putting off college alongside me. If I tell him it'll be a burden to him. I can’t do that. I’m just his high school boyfriend after all. He needs to focus on his future. This isn’t something he can help me with. But how do I tell him that? How do I tell him without hurting him?

“I’m sorry Josie. I just have a lot going on right now. I didn’t mean for things to turn out this way. I wish I could say that things will get better once we graduate but I can’t. I’ll be getting a second job and I will be just as busy.” I explained.

“A second job? Why? Why do you need to work two jobs? You’re keeping something from me, aren’t you?” Josie asks.

“No, I just want to work and save money. That’s all.” I lied.

“Haaaa, honestly. Why are you doing this? We have been dating for 2 years. Do you think I won’t know when you are lying? Am I so untrustworthy that you can’t even tell me when you are struggling?” Josie says.

When I look at him I can see the hurt in his eyes. That look is of someone who is suffering. I made him make that face. I made him feel this way. How do I fix this? Can I even fix this? I don’t know how I can keep seeing Josie and help my uncle without someone being hurt. 

“Josie, it’s not that I don’t trust you. Please believe me. I just need to handle things on my own.” I say as I hold back my tears. 

This hurts. It hurts to see him this way. 

“Rin, is whatever you're hiding so important that you have to keep it from me? Is it worth putting our relationship on the line?” Josie asks bluntly.

Don’t. Don’t ask me that. Don’t make me say it. Please don’t make me hurt you even more. 

I remain silent. I don’t even dare to look Josie in the eye. Is this really what’s best? I don’t know. I don’t. Maybe… I need to end this. I can’t keep him by my side if it means I cause him pain. I just can’t. I lift my head and stare Josie directly in the eyes. My heart is beating out of my chest. I steel my resolve and answer his question.

“Yes. It is. I’m sorry.” I say firmly.

“What? Are you serious? What are you saying?” Josie asks. 

“I’m saying we should break up,” I say.

Be strong. Don’t cry. Don’t let him see your hesitance.

“No. Why? I don’t understand. I just wanted to talk it out with you. Why are you being so stubborn? Why won’t you just let me in? Is it that big of a deal to keep this to yourself? So much so that you are willing to break up with me?” Josie bombards me with questions. 

“Josie, I won’t hang on to this relationship just for my greed. From this point on, the only thing I can do is let you go. I won’t be able to give you what you need anymore. This is just a part of life. We grow up and we grow apart. This isn’t how I wanted things to be either but the reality of things is cruel. I won’t hurt you anymore. I’ve made up my mind. I’m sorry.” I say with fake confidence.

“Wow. I can’t believe you. You're not leaving me because something is wrong with our relationship but because of some kind of external problem you're dealing with? I fucking love and hate that self-sacrificing attitude of yours. I do. I don’t know what you are dealing with but I hope everything works out for you. It hurts me more to know that you don’t trust me to this extent. More than you could ever know.” Josie says with tears in his eyes. 

He turns to leave and I almost reach out to stop him. I want to hug him and tell him I love him. I don’t want to end things like this. I don’t. Once Josie disappeared down the street I finally let out my tears. I walk inside and Parker is standing in front of the door. He doesn’t say anything to me as reaches out and hugs me tightly. I let out all of my pain as I cried in his comforting embrace. 

This is for the best. Right?