I bring the strange man towards one of the occupied rooms. He just stares at me like a deer in headlights. This one's definitely going to be a strange one. Maybe he's just nervous. This kinda thing is always weird when you first do it; maybe he never has before. As off as he is though I've definitely seen weirder. I once dealt with a guy who thought he was an actual superhero; even wore a cape and a patch of the letter D sewn into his shirt. Well, now that I think of it he wasn't the weirdest. There was that one who asked me to elbow drop his stomach while on Fantenex(it basically makes you loopy like laughing gas). He asked me to do it 7 times before he eventually threw up. That's all we did and he was content. I can't say that was bad though because I got my pent up anger out and didn't have to do anything.

Anyways, I clean up the room from the previous “festivities,” and ask him to enter. He walks past me and towers over my height. He sits down awkwardly with his hands on his knees and back impossibly straight. He smiles like an alien mimicking what it would think a smile is and just blinks at me. He's a weird looking one, his head almost looks like an anteater's. I'm not quite sure he's even human but you never know in this business. I'll tell you what, he's pretty muscular though, guy must hit the gym. I lock the door behind me. His hairiness is a disaster though, I've never seen a guy so furry, he looks like a dust bunny come to life! His eyebrows are so long and bushy I can just barely see his eyes. I can't even imagine the- ugh. I don't judge. Well, I technically shouldn't judge but I'm only human. 

I face him. “So, as a disclaimer and to reiterate, everything here is done anonymously. I have this little camera under my jacket collar here and it'll scan you but it doesn't go through the official database. We basically have a copy of it and then run our own server. So for your comfort, even I can't see who you are, and no one ever will.” That's half a lie. We have our own version of the database but I know everyone who comes through here, or out there. We easily lie to them because most people don't care enough to question it. The tiny camera has a vertical screen on the inside of my jacket which flashes their information briefly. “Do you understand, sir?” Sweat drips down his face like bullets as he shivers. It drips from his chin and onto the ground in a salty puddle. “What's your name?!” he asks, almost yelling, straining his voice. I sigh and sit down next to him. “Sir, as I just said we keep things anonymous, especially on my end.” “I'm Ingus. McDowell. I like peanuts. And soda. What do you like?” 

Alright, well, I guess he's deaf or something. God I gotta try to calm him down, you'd think he'd never seen a woman before! I put my hand on his knee. “Everything is ok buddy. Just, just take a deep breath. You're safe here, I'm not going to hurt you.” I pat his knee twice and stand up. I go to the touch screen control panel next to the door and scroll through all of the options available. “Ok so you control everything pertaining to how this goes. You control the lighting, the music, etc. I can make it pitch black in here like most people want, you can ask for smells you'd like, oh and I have these.” I turn around, slightly bending to open the pouches around my thigh. I reveal the paraphernalia. “We have everything from Fantenex, to Remozopol, Antonopen to Trentinax: it's whatever works for you.” Again he just blankly stares at me. “You know, this bandana means you can do whatever you want with me, if you're not interested in this kind of service the other Mates with bandanas might be more your speed.” “I'm very interested in you. I love you. Let's have our honeymoon.” 

“I'm very flattered but that's not how this works.” Let's just get this over with. I can never really fault the “weird sweet" ones. There's something charming about them compared to the aggressive guys. Most people are halfway undressed by the time we reach the hallway. I dim the lights and put on soft music. I begin to dance slowly. I should've been a teacher like I wanted to be. The pay would've been absolutely terrible but that would've been so nice. I do a spin and then face him. I bend, placing my hands on his knees and slide them up his legs. I kiss the side of his face. I then back up to reveal myself to him. I begin to unzip my jacket, the zipper slowly falls like a snowflake as I gently tug. I throw the jacket in the corner. My turtleneck is still on. He stares at me as his teeth chatter. Is he crying? Oh boy. His eyes are definitely watering. I wonder what I'm going to have for dinner tonight. I know The Lion said he'd like us to go out but I wonder where. We usually don't go out much more than once a month. I think I was wrong to be mad at him for these past few days. If I'm honest I was jealous when he complemented Madeline's eyes; it usually happens that way when I bring him new people. I guess I was wrong and I have nothing to worry about.

I slowly pull down my pants and my full hips reveal themselves as the leather clings on gently, bunching up as it rolls down my thighs. I try not to look down. My stomach alone drives me crazy. I hate that it protrudes a little. I hate that my hip bones don't pop out like they used to. I do another weird move and bend over facing away from him, running my hand up my leg as I stand back up. I hate the little dance moves we all do. When did humanity start that? Does anyone find that appealing? He continues to stare like he wants to say something, like it's burning inside of him. He holds back though. He really is strange. I've never had someone so scared to start touching me. I take off my white turtleneck to reveal my bra. I guess I'll have to make the first move. 

I start to unclasp my bra and he stops me. “M-m-Ms, can I say something?” I stop. “I guess, anything, yeah.” He clears his throat. “I've never seen a woman look like you before.” Ouch… thanks for that one. My face twitches out of emotional pain only for a split second. His face starts to contort into panic as he recognizes my hurt. His eyebrows raise and he waves his hands. “No Ms, I mean, you look so feminine. I've never seen someone so perfect. I'm trying to stay clam, I mean calm over here but I'm blown away. You're so soft looking and you smell so nice.” I kind of freeze. I don't really know how to feel or what to do. I nearly blush. No one's ever said that to me before. No one's even complimented me that way before, not even The Lion. “Um,” I can barely speak. 

This doesn't feel right now. Do I continue? “ I want to know your name and who you are. I think I know where this is going now and I want to at least know what my wife's name is before anything else.” Ok, so maybe he's just actually weird. And delusional. Or maybe a stalker. Nice. I kind of hunch to cover myself and I quickly put my pants back on, as well as the rest of my outfit. “So are you some kind of weirdo or something? You know I'm not your wife, right?” “But you held my arm.” “Oh and you called me handsome.” “And you almost-” “Ok, sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.” He sits still. “Out,” I say. Before he stands up I look at his face. I really didn't think he struck me as someone who would be a creep. My intuition is never that wrong.

He stands up slowly and I put my hand on his chest. “Wait.” I can't believe I'm doing this. “I'm giving you one last chance to explain yourself. Are you a creep? Are you here to kill me and wear my face or something?” “No Ms, my friend Frank who's a duck told me to come here. See, I watched this romantic movie which I never saw, and I saw a woman for the first time; I mean a woman that looks like you. He said that if I came here I'd find all sorts of women ready to be in love with me.” I let my shoulders relax just enough. “You're from the heart of Numena, right?” “Yeah, how'd you-” Oh that explains it. He literally has never seen a woman like me. Oh thank God: he's just misguided. “Your friend told you you'd find love here, is that right?” He shakes his head yes. I sigh out. “Did you know what this place was before you came in?” He shakes his head no. Oh boy. This is definitely a first.