“But you did lie,” I assert weakly, pulling away from his hand, “You lied to me in the courtyard.”
“Ava, I lied and I’m sorry - I-I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you again so I lied,” he bemoans, his head hanging towards me with remorse. “I-I just wanted the chance to make it up to you, Ava, but I know now,” he sighs regrettably, drawing back his caress to reach into pocket, “that I can’t keep you here.” I watch as his hand trembles into mine, leaving behind a purple stone in my palm before peering back up at me. “I should have been there for you Ava and I wasn’t,” he confesses, shaking his head in shame, “I’m not going to stop you from leaving, anymore.”
“Nik,” I yearn, ever so besotted with him still. “I waited all that time for you to come back to me,” I affirm, bringing a tender hand to either side of his face whilst allowing the brooch to slip from my grasp, “I’m not leaving you now.” My hands run past his face and into his hair, cradling his head in my rush to crawl into his lap. I feel my lips crash against his whilst the washcloth he so dutifully held to my temple falls past my shoulder, his hand yielding to my embrace. I find myself enamored by the sensation of his fingertips running down my back in his attempt to steady me, ever so considerate with my body in the throes of our passion. The aches of my heart in the wake of his departure become a distant memory as it pounds against his chest, reunited at last. However, despite my longing to continue, I feel him tear away from me. My heart sinks at his reluctance; but in opening my eyes, I see his face, flushed with timidity. He looks at me forlornly with honey dripping from his gaze, an expression I realize is just as lovesick.
“So,” he whispers hopefully, “you didn’t forget me, Ava?”
“Nik, I could never…” forget you? My voice trails off in a sudden pause whilst my gaze softens, realizing that I did, in fact, forget him. “No…” I say tentatively, furrowing my brows at him, “Nik, I did forget you.” His head tilts in puzzlement at my assertion. “It’s as though you’ve been nothing but a stranger to me up until now, but,” I continue, putting a hand to my still throbbing headache in bewilderment with the revelation, “even now, I still struggle to recall most of our time together.”
“I’m sorry, Ava,” he says considerately, leaning past me to pick up the washcloth. “But I’m struggling to understand you at the moment,” he admits, gently dabbing the damp rag to my temple.
“Yes! So am I!” a familiarly bewildered voice agrees from behind us. I tear my gaze away from Nik to find a perplexed Serenity standing with the water tray. Glancing back at Nik in a bashful exchange, I awkwardly motion to remove myself from his lap.
“Uh-h,” my voice quivers, my face burning red whilst Nik helps set me back on the couch. “I uh,” I murmur, trying to regain my composure in my address to her, “I don’t think I ever told you, Serenity.”
“Told me what?” she presses, her brows furrowed having just witnessed our kiss, “I thought you hated him?”
“I don’t hate him,” I say adoringly, smiling upon his lean towards me to keep the washcloth meticulously close to my head. “I love him,” I profess, gliding my fingertips across his temple.
“Ava,” she says in a delicately stern tone, “I think your head is still hurting so you’re speaking nonsense…” “Which, of course, is understandable,” she quickly asserts, nodding her head egregiously in consolation, “But Ava, you told me that you don’t like him.”
“Serenity, I assure you I’m within my right mind,” I assert. “I just,” I sigh, realizing I may hurt her feelings in confessing to this, “I just never told you about him.”
“Told me what, exactly about him?” Breathing a heavy exhale, I continue.
“That Nik and I…” I say sheepishly, meeting his gaze in our secret knowing. “Well, we’d often engage in a…” I drag on, rubbing the back of my neck shamefully, “little private affair together.” Her expression regresses into a grimace whilst her lips part in objection.
“No, you didn’t,” she remarks flatly, “You would’ve told me.”
“No, I wouldn’t of, Serenity,” I say, rolling my eyes, “since you can't keep a secret.” She tsks whilst shaking her head.
“Well, Ava,” she alludes, with eyes widened in doubt, “if you liked him so much, why have you spent the last month hating him?” “And second, if you indeed did like him so much, why did it have to remain a secret?”
“It’s just as I was saying to Nik,” I affirm, “I have no reason for why I forgot him but it’s as if he’s been nothing but a stranger to me until now.” “But as for why we kept it a secret…” I say tentatively, struggling to recall why exactly we did, “I-I don’t rightly know, Serenity, I just remember that we did.” Her eyes tell me she remains unconvinced of my account.
“Uh,” Nik interjects, addressing us both, “T-That would be my fault, Ava.” I turn to look at him curiously. “My father…he,” Nik sighs, hanging his head as though the conversation was a seemingly sore subject for him, “I knew he wouldn’t approve of us if only he knew so… we would often sneak out to the forest upstream to be together in secret.” Upstream? I furrow my brows at him.
“Upstream, you say?” I ask.
“Yes,” he nods casually, “Upstream - why?”
“Because we were crossing a stream,” I affirm ambiguously in my sudden lean towards him, his bewildered gaze telling me I best clarify myself. “In my dream, before I awoke, I had a dream of us crossing a stream together.”
“Can you elaborate on that?” he prods, tilting his head, “Was it a lake, a river-?”
“I think there was a river,” I answer unassuredly, struggling to assess the fleeting memory of the body of water I saw.
“So it was a river?” he asks curiously.
“No, I-I don’t know, the dream was so short but vivid - we were crossing for some reason and I think we had been heading somewhere, but,” I sigh, lowering my head in defeat, “It could have been a lake for all I know.”
“N-No Ava,” he consoles, lifting my gaze towards him, “it was a lake. That’s where we would spend our time together, don’t you remember?”
“No, I-I don't remember, Nik.”
“Ava,” Serenity interrupts, setting aside the water tray in her steps closer, “you sound as if your memory isn’t quite intact - what’s going on with you?”
“I-I don't know, Serenity,” I admit, wondering for myself why I was feeling this way. “But maybe,” I allude, turning to Nik, “visiting the lake may help jog my memory?” He looks to Serenity expectantly as though he was asking for her consideration. Her gaze softens momentarily in realization, but soon shakes her head discouragingly.
“Ava,” she begins, settling her fingertips to the bridge of her nose, “Look, he said you had collapsed and rushed you in here.” “I didn’t trust him at first,” she confesses, giving him a glance, “but with my hands tied trying to diffuse the situation with all the ladies still in attendance, I only believed him since he appeared genuinely concerned for your sake.” “However, you were unconscious for an entire hour, Ava,” she asserts, her eyes widening in emphasis, “and even after a thorough examination of your condition, the physician we had called couldn’t identify the cause. Albeit disheartening we didn’t know what brought on your fainting, we felt in the bare least hopeful having been told you were still in otherwise good health and would awake soon.” Sighing, she continues. “But now with you awake, spouting nonsense about some love affair with the same man you harbored resentment towards just this morning,” she contends, waving her hands to better illustrate the absurdity of my behavior, “I’m sorry, Ava, but I really don’t feel comfortable letting you go off to wander the forest.”
“Well, of course, Serenity,” I agree half-heartedly, “But I-”
“Ava, she’s right,” Nik interjects, motioning his hand across my shoulder, “you need to recover. The physician will be coming back later today to check on you, regardless. You should stay put.” I shift my gaze between them discerningly, realizing that they both convey the same concern in their agreement. It almost feels odd for them to have found themselves so effortlessly along the same page, especially since I would’ve presumed them to be at either side of an argument tending to me a mere hour ago. I knew Serenity cared for me, but to presume His Grace did as well in a manner seemingly genuine, after all this time assuming the worst of intent, I couldn’t help but feel conflicted. Perhaps it was my elation in having been reunited with Nik that had begun to fade whilst my lingering suspicions for His Grace arose, but I was still torn. In my heart I felt certain, and for it to be so certain, I wanted to trust that there was a good reason for loving him; however, for my mind to also be so certain, I knew to adhere to its counsel. If I desired to love Nik still, as much as I yearned to usher him back into my heart’s good graces, I’d have to instill boundaries between us; and if he truly loved me as I did him, he'd respect my wishes.
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