What she wanted was to talk to me about the division of tasks she had thought of. Normally, the emperor is in charge of state affairs and leaves all internal administration of the palace in the hands of the empress. But Yeoul had a slightly different need.

“You know, Yuna, I have a lot of bad people around me. In the position of emperor, I have to balance a lot of factors and my peace of mind or safety don't always come first. For example, I have ministers and officials who are excellent in their role and who I trust would never be corrupt. But they are conservative and prejudiced, so they would immediately rebel if they found out I was a woman. So, I need you to create a safe space for us. Gather only trustworthy people to support us in our personal lives. Well... I don't intend to reveal to anyone else that I'm a woman. But we'll need people who can help us get out of the palace safely... Hmm... Do you have any training in martial arts?”

"No..."

“Oh, Yuna, I’ll train you, at least a little. You can't be so vulnerable... There are times when I get too overwhelmed with the affairs of the empire and you will need to go out without me.”

“I don't think I know anyone that trustworthy, Yeoul... To tell the truth, I don't even trust Xia that much. Chun I do think I could put my life in her hands without any fear. But Xia is different…”

"Excellent. I feel like you have a good intuition like mine. We’re going to need this!” She winked at me. “And there’s no need to rush, but it’s preparations for those periods when I can’t go out. I’ve already lost a few boyfriends because of this.” Yeoul laughed, shaking his head. “Poor things. I abandoned them without any explanation. But I had no choice.... As for your palace guards, that's going to be a headache. It's a double-edged sword, the better they are, the more they'll notice our escapes... but they can't be bad enough to leave you and this palace insecure. There is no shortage of people wanting to assassinate the emperor.”

I went blank with that truth, so obvious and so frightening.

“One more reason for you to train hard, huh... I’ll ask Seojun to start training with you, starting tomorrow.”

It was the first time I saw Seojun in a peaceful moment, without tension, fear and without a hangover. I was shy. He had always been kind to me, but I was so afraid of the situation that I could never accept with an open heart the care he showed me. What was that feeling? A mix of gratitude and guilt, which made me want to get closer to him but at the same time stopped me. I tried to think that it was all just his job, putting me above, in the position of empress as he always made a point of reminding me I had. And I decided to look at it that way.

He also had a very professional attitude, which made things easier.

“Before starting the self-defense techniques, let’s do some Qi concentration.” We did some breathing and Qi concentration exercises. The movements that Seojun proposed made my entire body relax and my mind focus. It was an incredible feeling. After so many days full of strong emotions, that moment was refreshing.

When I finished, Seojun, smiling, congratulated me.

“Your Highness, your Qi is very strong, and very pure. And you have great control. I'm impressed."

This was totally unexpected. I blushed with shame and lowered my head. I mumbled a “thank you”.

“Your Highness, did I make you uncomfortable with what I said? I'm sorry, I overstepped.”

“N-no, Seojun. No way. I'm just not used to being praised. But I was happy.”

“Still, I apologize if I made you uncomfortable... Ahem... Shall we continue training? Have you ever learned self-defense before?”

“No... Just women's chores...”

Seojun, as always, looked embarrassed. My reaction to his compliment must have made things worse... I needed to control myself to stop that awkward atmosphere.

“So, I ask you to start with the basics with me. I will strive to learn quickly.” I smiled at him, even though I was also shy. 

It worked, he started explaining the mechanics of the movements to me. His explanation was fascinating, and easy to understand. He was very passionate about martial arts. He asked me to position myself, and I did as he had taught. However, he frowned and asked me to put more strength into my feet, raise my arms more, correct my center of balance... There was so much detail! Why when he explained it seemed easy, but was so difficult to do? 

He corrected more and more things and I got nervous. It seemed that when I tried to get the leg right, the head would move out of place, I would correct the head, the arm would be wrong, and I could never get into the correct position.My initial motivation disappeared. I wanted the training to end soon.

“Seojun, I don’t think I’m good at this. Maybe it’s better to let go of this idea of martial arts.”

“No way, Your Highness. It is your safety that is at risk. The emperor would also never agree to give up training."

I knew that was true. But I felt completely incapable of understanding something as basic as posture. Seojun thought, scratched the back of his head, and after a while, he said:

“Will Your Highness allow me to help you?”

"Yes, of course. Please."

“Then please get into position again.”

I went over the various fixes and did my best.

He walked over and took my arm, gently placing it at another angle.

My heart accelerated. I hadn't understood that he would touch me! I felt my face burn.

He then touched my hip and applied light pressure with his fingertips to indicate which muscle I needed to contract. But that physical contact completely threw me off track. What is this I was feeling? The strength of his large hands, his proximity, his deep voice, everything seemed to grab my attention, and everything made my body heat up. I was aware of the muscular body he had. And worse, my imagination made me see his muscles underneath his clothes. I knew what it was... It was something I felt when I was with Dong Kim. But... that was the imperial guard, not my lover! I held my breath, trying to suppress all those sensations. 

At that moment, Seojun let go of me, looked at my face and jumped away. He was completely embarrassed, his face redder than a pepper. Had he noticed? Please don't... I needed to compose myself, again, and say something to dispel the weird mood.

“I’m sorry, Seojun… I’m really not good at it, right?” I laughed nervously, trying to direct the topic towards my difficulty. It was the perfect excuse to explain our nervousness and, please, end training early.