Once I get to my car, I sit down in the driver's seat like I just went through an existential experience. In a way, I did.
I went to the library to grab a book. Marie was extremely kind and helpful as she told me all about the library while also finding a book that I really enjoyed. Plus, getting my library card was easy, so now, I just get to keep coming back for more and more.
I pull down the visor to stare into the tiny mirror, where I jump scare myself as I notice my mascara running a bit more than I would like. So much for first impressions for all the patrons who saw Marie taking me around. I'm sure their thoughts of me are exactly what I want them to be.
I reach into the glove compartment as I gently dab a napkin on my tongue and wipe away my runaway mascara, so I don't scare anyone into believing I'm a depressed clown out of work.
I put the key in the ignition and wait as my car turns on. Where do I go now? That experience of being there was both slightly exhausting and invigorating. I didn't feel like going home, but I was nervous about reading outdoors considering I'm a bit more emotional than I thought I would be about reading, so I think I'd rather lay low.
"Where should I go to read my book? I don't want to go home, and I don't want to read outside. What did Charlotte say," I whisper to myself.
The answer slaps me in the face as I remember Charlotte saying that I should go to a cafe! I feel like there was one next to the flower shop that I saw on my way here. I could not remember the name, but I should drive by there and check it out. Plus, if it really doesn't work out, I could walk home if I wanted to! Not actually considering the street itself is quite busy, and it would take me probably 30 minutes plus why would I leave my car here.
I head back on the main street and come upon The Village flower shop, and right next to it, "Cafe Royale."
Yes! Let's go!
I pull into a shared parking lot for all the small businesses on the street and gingerly make my way to the cafe.
From the outside, you can imagine it looks like any cafe, but the inside is divine. There is the main area to order your drinks and pastries, which have a chalkboard menu with goodies. The counter to order and pick up your drinks is connected to a little bar with high bar stools, but there is also a bunch of little mismatched tables and chairs including a lounge area with two couches and various bean bags! The color scheme reminds me of if the cottage made out of candy in Hansel and Gretel met a winter cabin, and they had a baby.
There is only one person at a table in the far corner hunched over on his computer, looking like he's trying to solve a major crime. Honestly, he's probably writing some bestseller that I'll see at the library.
Besides that, there are two staff, quietly chatting behind the counter. They look like they belong in high school, and considering they are talking about college applications, I feel my suspicions are confirmed. Their name tags read Alice and Ben.
Alice sees me first and quickly shifts towards the counter with a gigantic smile.
"Hi, welcome to Cafe Royale! What can we get for you," Alice is still beaming while Ben looks at me like he's trying to figure out my entire life, carefully watching my face.
"Hi! Could I get a caramel mocha and a blueberry muffin?"
"Why, of course! That comes to $7.21. Will you be having this for here or to go?"
"I'll have it here, thank you," I seem to catch Alice off guard as if no one ever comes and stays, but the man in the corner definitely begs to differ. She quickly catches herself, and she lets me know that they'll bring my drink and dessert to me.
I decide to settle myself into one of the bean bags next to the coffee table, and while I sit down, I carefully take my book out of my bag. I decide to wait to start reading until after I've gotten my food and drink, which comes quicker than I expected. Ben gently places my drink and my muffin on the coffee table before he asks if I need anything else. I assure him I'm good and thank him as he disappears before I say anything else.
I take a small sip of the caramel mocha as I feel myself melt into my seat. I take a few more sips while munching on the muffin when it becomes increasingly obvious that all three of the people in this cafe are staring at me. I glance at each person with a little smile, and I seem to have lost everyone's interest as they get back to their respective jobs. This cafe is a little odd, but it's nice.
I should come again.
Finishing my drink and food, I settle right into my bean bag as I delicately open my book. The book itself is light in my hand, and my fingers seem to remember the delicate, soft texture of the pages like a long, lost friend. Smelling the book, I know I've been here before. It's time to visit again.
* * *
"'Will I think of you and remember you fondly? Will I let you go with these memories? Maybe, we were the right people, the right time, but just for a moment? Maybe, we are the people who do not get forever.' 'But how can that be when in creation, we were together. My atoms have longed for yours. I have been waiting an eternity to be reunited.'"
"Miss..."
"..."
"Miss..."
"..."
"Miss-," I catch a glimpse of a hand wildly shaking in front of my book.
A scream comes out, but I bury it when I suddenly recall too late that I am, in fact, still inside of the cafe, and I have now brought everyone's attention back to me. All three of them.
Alice gives me a sympathetic look as she practically whispers in apprehension, "I'm sorry, Miss, but it is 6:45, and we close at 7, so no rush, but we will be closing the doors soon, and we ask that the customers wrap up what they are doing, so we can also finish and go on our way."
No words can escape my mouth as I come to the very real realization. I came here just after 2:30, but now, the earth has spun its way to 6:45.
I finished, "I Left My Heart Here." I finished in the few mere hours I spent at this cafe, and I want to scream, cry, hug someone because I read again! Not only did I just read, but I finished a book. The joy I feel cannot escape so easily even as I am reminded once again that I need to leave.
I cannot shake the smile from my lips as I apologize to Alice over and over again for not hearing her and for not realizing they were closing so soon. Alice reassures me it's no problem and invites me to come back again.
I wave at her and Ben as I make way out of the door with the book in tow as I skip to my car.
* * *
On the drive back, I simply cannot believe I got a book today and read it all after so long and especially after reading became so hard after losing Jack, but I did it, and it was so wonderful and exciting!
Before I started driving back to my apartment, I sent a text to Charlotte, mom, and dad about how I went to the library, got a book, and finished the book all in one-sitting!
Charlotte responded right away as she hooted and hollered her congratulations and reminded me about how I'll have to tell her all about it. Mom said it was good that I was reading again, and she would recommend some books to me. Dad sent a thumbs up.
Once I got home, I still felt such an adrenaline rush that I wanted to do something about it. What could I do to share this joy I feel?
My eyes hone in on the book on the kitchen table as I think about how I should return it tomorrow and pick up some new books.
Some person could feel my joy if they have the opportunity to pick this up, right?
That's not enough though, especially considering this book was most popular when I was back in high school, and I don't want to share how old the book is now.
I think about leaving a review online, which I think is a good start, but it's not exactly what I'm looking for. Sure, I think the author would appreciate my comment and feedback, but I want someone to pick up the book and feel the way I do right now.
I'm suddenly reminded about how I would leave notes in Jack's books, telling him how I love him and how great he is. Something to make him smile. So... what if I leave a note in the book?
I rush into my office to grab all the supplies I need. Notecards, colorful pens, and potential stickers to fit with the perfect message.
Laying all the items out on the table, I begin to brainstorm potential ideas of what I want to share with some person who would be finding this notecard.
"Dear Reader,
I hope this card finds you well!"
WRONG! What am I thinking? Am I writing this person a boring email? Start again.
"Hi! If you've found this card, I am sending you so much joy and love your way! I hope you enjoy this book as much as I do!"
This is not right either. Too short and not enough oompf. Next!
"Hi. You may be like me. Someone who has struggled to get where they are today. Someone who has been in pain as they are trying to do what they can to live a normal life. I'm lucky I got to a place where I came to this library and being here and reading this book has brought me so much joy. I want to share that joy with you."
If I pretend I'm someone who found this, would it make me happy? I mean I don't think it would make me feel sad per se, but it still doesn't feel right. Let's give it another go!
"Hi, I don't know if this is your first time picking up this book or if you have picked up this book dozens of times, but I see you. There is something about picking up a book, any book that is so magical and exciting, and I hope you feel that joy. I hope you find that joy everywhere in your life. Love, Lucy"
UGH, why is this so hard? This is perfectly fine, but I still don't like it! It's not like this needs to be so amazing or anything, but this is important to me. I want to make someone feel like how I felt when talking with Marie, the way I felt reading for hours in the cafe, enamored with the story! It needs to capture that joy.
"Hi! This is the first book I have picked up in over three years. I didn't stop for any particular reason, but it spiraled into something, where I could not imagine picking up a book. I'm at a place, where I'm trying to find joy in my life, and I am lucky that this book came across my path. This was a story I read before that means so much more to me than I can imagine. Whether this is your first time picking up this book or the fifth time picking up this book, I hope you find joy while reading this book. I hope you find joy in every aspect of your life. You deserve joy. Love, Lucy."
The white note card is full of smiley stickers, little hearts, and a message for joy. I hope this card reaches whoever it is meant to.
* * *
Morning came like a quiet rain in September. I headed to the library with my book in tow with the notecard delicately tucked away in page 1. I felt confident in my decision to put the notecard in, but there was still a part of me that was nervous about having it in there.
I find the same spot that I pulled into yesterday, hoping that parking here brings me good luck today with finding more books.
Bubbling and giddy, I make my way to the front desk, where I see Marie there, gathering books from the drop-off bin and organizing them accordingly. Before I get the chance to greet her, she's already greeting me.
"Lucy! You came back, I'm so glad to see you. I see you brought your book with you today. Did you get a chance to read yesterday, or are you coming in to read today?"
Marie's energy is infectious, and I tell her the good news of yesterday.
"You read it all in one day? Even after all the time you took a break from reading? That's so awesome, I'm so proud of you!"
My chest tightens as her encouragement washes over me like a wave crashing on the beach.
"Thank you. Thanks, Marie. I think I should return this book, and if it's not too much trouble, I was wondering if you could help me choose a few new books."
Marie's smile rivals the sun. She takes the book from me and delicately places it among the other books that need sorted, then she is all-business, guiding me to all the new books awaiting me.
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