Speaking of Cafe Royale, Alice and I talked for about 20 minutes as we got to know each other. I learned she is a senior, and she's applying to a variety of schools. Her passion appears to be geology, so she hopes to find a university that has a strong geology program that can support her pursuits in the future. Also, she works here for a little extra cash, and she says it's normally empty, so she was honestly shocked I decided to stay. 

I asked her why no one seemed to come here, but she didn't have an answer. She said she guessed because it was a small coffee shop, which doesn't compete well with the big chains. I reassured her I would be coming back, and I would encourage more people in my life to come and support the cafe too. 

Thursday rolled into Friday before I knew it, and Charlotte and I were meeting for dinner!

As Charlotte mentioned before, this is a new restaurant in town, and it's sort of fancy. We don't have a lot of places where we can get fancy, so this is exciting for those of us in our early 30's.

I inspect my closet from top to bottom in search of the perfect outfit, and I'm confronted with too many choices. I realize I have to settle on the style I'm going for before I can begin to narrow down my options.

Recognizing that this is supposed to be a nice dinner with my best friend, I know I want to look feminine, sexy, and fun. Which is so great if you have a closet that doesn't look like you attend funerals every day of the week. I search and search for the right dress, because yes, this is a dress occasion, and that's when I spot it. 

In the depths of my closet is an emerald green, silk dress. It has a high neck that tenderly hugs my waist that goes down to my ankles with two small slits on the sides from the knee down. The kicker is the open back that drapes so delicately, it makes my, you know what, look amazing.

I completely forgot I had this dress at all. This was a gift from Jack because he had a black tie event for his work, so he bought me this dress to wear. I haven't worn this dress in over five years. The question now is will it fit anymore. 

Carefully removing the dress from the hanger, I throw it over my head, and as I pull the dress down, it certainly is more snug than when I wore it before, but it still fits! A little snug in my belly and hips, but I still love this dress. This dress certainly is a testament to how much I lost and gained after losing Jack.

I wonder what Jack would think of how I look now.

The insecure part of me says he wouldn't like it, or he would have told me to lose weight a long time ago. But I know Jack better than that. He would have said I was the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. He would have said he even as I age and change, I somehow become more beautiful. He would say it's magic.

Warmth spreads all over me as I reminisce about Jack, and I'm reminded that I'm not done with this look just yet because I am going to look good.

I do my hair up, and I leave tiny ringlets hanging out of my bun and framing my face while I give myself an honorable smokey eye with matching eyeliner including a subtle, dark red lip. Next is earrings, where I add dangly pearl earrings to complete the look and a matching pearl bracelet.

The full-length mirror is stuck on me, and I feel good. My dark brown, curly hair cooperated with me, which matches effortlessly with my eyes, and the dress hugs me in a way I cannot describe. The small silver heels including the silver clutch complete the look. 

It's been so long since I thought I look pretty like this.

If I completely disregard the years of insecurity mixed with the grief, then this would be a harder answer. But I know that there is a lot of work that I still need to undo and more healing to be done, but that's not what tonight is about. Tonight is about me having an amazing time with my best friend.

* * *

Driving up to the restaurant, I park and send a quick text to Charlotte, so we can go in together.

 Charlotte's response is - I'm staring right at you.

"Right at me? Where is she... AH!" The scream that sneaks out is covered by the booming laughter coming from Charlotte.

Climbing out of the car with my purse, Charlotte gets a full look at me, and her jaw is hanging open.

"You said it was fancy," I say sheepishly as her eyes get wide.

"I said this is the place where grown men wear jeans and blazers! Jeans and blazers, Lucy! And right now, you look like you belong at the Oscars! You're lucky I knew you were going to dress up like this because otherwise, I don't think they'd even let me sit next to you! Wow," her eyes are still glued to my dress as I look at Charlotte.

Her blonde hair is styled into a perfect bob, and she is wearing a quarter sleeve, black velvet jumpsuit. She's got diamond accessories all over, and with her platforms, she's towering over me.

"You are stunning," I whisper with a smile as she quickly blushes and frowns.

"Okay, we're both stunning, got that," a threatening glint in her eye tells me she's ready to fight if I don't say yes in three seconds.

"Yes, I got it!"

"Good. Now, let's go inside. I'm starving."

We link arms and head inside. 

Once inside, we are taken to our table, and we easily fall into conversation about just everything: work, books, clothes, restaurants,-

"Oh my gosh, I didn't tell you," I suddenly shout, scaring Charlotte and some other customers.

"What, what? What happened? What didn't you tell me?"

"There's a cafe right by the library that we should go to! I've gone there twice now, and I've gotten to know one of the girls who works there, and she says it's normally always empty. It's called Cafe Royale."

"Never heard of it, but sure. I can never have too many places that give me access to caffeine and chocolate." 

We laugh and talk until there is nothing left to say, and we're enjoying each other's company.

That is until Charlotte straightens up and looks deadly serious. Uh oh.

"Hey, so I have a question. I know you've been talking to Jennifer and you're working on your goals and everything. I also know you are trying to incorporate more joy in your life, especially since everything that has happened since moving out on your own and all that happened during your first eight months here." 

A heaviness hangs in the air as we both recall the time where I was barely surviving.

"I hear what you're saying, so what's your question?"

"Well. Do you know... how you want to be happier? Like do you know what you want to do to find more of that joy from before?"

That is an incredibly important question that I don't have the answer to. Throughout this week, I've been thinking about more opportunities to do things I like. I started cooking like Charlotte suggested. I went to the spa like my dad said. My fingernails and toes are a beautiful shade of baby blue. Then there is reading, going to the cafe, and being here with Charlotte.