Thomas and I make our way outside while Marie follows along, telling us that she can probably only stall for an hour, so coffee will have to be quick. I wave goodbye to Marie as I gesture to my car, so Thomas follows. 

To be fair, he could just watch me walk to the car. He could also use deduction considering there are only five cars in the lot right now, which I assume one would be Marie's, one would be his, and the three would be an educated guess.

I unlock my car and climb in as I watch him struggle to get in without bumping his head. Oh, maybe we should have taken his car. He shuts the door and buckles up without any trouble when he asks about where I want to go for coffee.

"Let's go to Cafe Royale! It's only five minutes away, so we can be quick if someone from the library calls you."

"You never know when a library emergency could arise."

I giggle at the absurdity of a 'library emergency,' which he informs me is far too real. He tells me about how suddenly dozens of people could show up, and they need help checking out, picking up books, using a room, getting video games or movies, you name it.

The drive to Cafe Royale is quick considering Thomas spends the whole ride providing a thorough explanation of what a library emergency is to me.

We park and make it inside. Alice and Ben are both here again, and Alice greets me with a big smile and wave until she sees Thomas behind me. She seems to clam up a bit before a visible blush greets her cheeks. I understand, Alice. I see you. You don't see a man like this everyday, and I should know. I only met him today.

Alice is awfully shy with Thomas here, but we order our drinks, and I make my way towards the couches as I sit. Thomas is still by the counter as he gives me a strange look. Alice explains to him that they'll bring the drinks to us, so he can sit if he wants to.

Embarrassment looks silly on Thomas considering he looks like a jock and his demeanor comes across aloof, but the stain of blush on his cheeks and his ears begs to differ. He moves rapidly, sitting on the opposite couch like he'll be punished for not sitting up straight.

We wait quietly as Ben comes over with our drinks as we thank him. He whisks away as he and Alice clearly whisper about the two of us considering I can see them poking out from behind the espresso machine every so often to look at us. I guess we're today's exciting news.

"So why coffee? Why did you want to talk to me?"

I didn't imagine Thomas would answer me right away, but he just stares at me while sipping on his drink. He got a lemonade refresher. Lemonade with iced tea. Less let's get coffee and more let's get seasonally appropriate drinks. I can't fault him for that considering I also got the same thing except I got strawberry lemonade in mine.

He doesn't answer for a while, and I let it go as I enjoy my drink.

"Your note... you sounded like you were going through something. But it seemed like you were doing better. I guess I just wanted to know if that was true."

"If what was true?"

"Are you happy? Did you find joy?"

The question shakes me as I find his eyes staring holes into mine. He looks so serious and so... afraid. I don't know why he is reacting like this, but I tell him the truth.

"Yes, I'm happy. Happier than I've been in a long time. I've been finding more joy in my life. The library is one of those things. Well, my love of reading is bringing me a lot of joy. I'm doing a lot better than I was six months ago."

He nods solemnly as he sips his drink, staring into his cup like the whole world is inside of it. I hope my answer is satisfactory for him, but I'm very curious about why he wanted to know.

"Why did you want to know that about me, Thomas? It felt like there was something personal for you about if I achieved happiness. Why is that?"

The question lingers in the air as we both let it stay for a while. I know Thomas won't answer me right away or at all especially since this is such a personal question. I considered telling him that it was insensitive of me to ask that when he answers. 

"I, uh, quit the job I was doing for 5 years just 6 months ago. Which you know... from Marie. I'm just trying to figure out what I want. In life and in work. That includes relationships too. I've had several failed relationships." 

Thomas's vulnerability is quite brave since he's sharing this with a random stranger. He smiles at me genuinely as he shares more.

"I came to the library to get out of the job that just sucked me in. My old job didn't particularly make me happy, but it wasn't terrible, which I thought that meant it would be fine. During my time there, I had three failed relationships, and I had no one to blame but myself. I mean they did, and I didn't know how to prove that it wasn't all my fault. That just felt like a guilty sentence."

Thomas sharing about himself makes me realize how important it was that I found joy, especially considering I don't think he feels like he can have joy. 

"I'm a widow, Thomas. I lost my husband, Jack, to a car crash over five years ago. Losing Jack was... the hardest thing I've ever been through, and I think even as I get older, nothing will compare to when I lost him. I'm a different person than who I was before the crash."

I pause as I take in Thomas's expression, where he looks like a deer in headlights. I keep going.

"I was on my own about a year ago for the first time since he died. I thought I could do it. I thought I could be this independent, dependable person. But I couldn't be. I wasn't. Things didn't start turning around until about four months ago, but I'm here now. I got a new job, I'm seeing my best friend again, and my mom still won't stop bugging me."

We both laugh, thinking about our mothers as I can imagine she must worry about Thomas too. I wonder if she's like my mom.

As our laughter dies down, Thomas tells me he's sorry about losing Jack, and he's sorry for springing this on me. I tell him there is no need to apologize. We each have a reason that we are seeking more joy, and while it might look different for both of us, I think we both wish each other luck in the pursuit of our happiness. I certainly wish that for him.

Both drinks are empty as Thomas cuts through the silence by saying, "Let's head back before Marie starts redecorating the entire library."

I giggle at the thought of Marie redesigning the entire library from top to bottom. I think glitter would be everywhere. There would be so many more stickers. Also, the walls would definitely be painted something different than the gray that fills the space right now.

I grab my purse as Thomas returns our cups to the counter, where Ben thanks him politely. I reach Thomas at the counter as I begin to dig around my purse for the keys. Chapstick, no. Sunglasses, no. Wallet, no. Gum wrapper, no. Miscellaneous pens, no. Random receipts, no. C'mon, where are these keys!?

I dig my hand into my purse to grab as much as I can when something falls out of my hand onto the floor.

Thomas instinctively bends down and is almost ready to hand me the paper. Almost.

Thomas stares at the paper the way I did. He squints his eyes and pushes it away from him as he takes in the contents of the paper.

He stares at it over and over until he finally looks at me with a smile. Not a condescending smile, but a genuine smile. I just know he is going to say something nice, and I know it will be thoughtful and kind, but the embarrassment takes over, and I dash out of the cafe straight to my car.

The irony of this situation is that I can't leave Thomas behind unless I'm a terrible person who is too embarrassed for my own good. Like why do I care? We just shared pretty intimate details about each other in the cafe as our first meeting. What does it matter if he found and read my joy list?

He comes to the car pretty quickly, and he climbs in to see me banging my head off the steering wheel, but I ignore him the entire way back to the library, which is not so bad except the fact that we hit every single light!