Now where should I start, honestly, why did I shoot myself anyways, it would’ve been easier if I just killed my ex. I need to rethink this, it’s my room now, and no one else ever comes in here. Obviously, the bedding is a lost cause, the duvet is no longer forest green, it has a muddy brown film over it. Who cares though, why do I need to keep bedding I don’t even remember buying, I’ll just throw it all away and go shopping for something new, something more me. I’m sure it’s time by now, the wall and headboard, that’s another problem entirely. How the hell I am going to get this clean?
“Bleach! I need bleach, bleach removes everything.”
It’s official I’m fucking crazy, the sad thing, is I was probably crazy long before I killed myself, or is it tried to kill myself. Is it still called tried if you succeeded but didn’t die? Shit, I don’t understand what the hell is going on, I have so many questions, it’s possible I dreamt all of this, but then I guess there I wouldn’t need to clean off the headboard and the wall. Maybe, I did shoot myself but didn’t quite hit anything vital, but if that happened wouldn’t there be a scar or something? I walk into the bathroom, and stand in front of the mirror, nothing no damage, no holes, not one single scar. Not that I ever scarred easily though, but a bullet through the back of your skull I would expect to leave at least a dent or something. How is there so much blood, but not a single scar?
“Shit, I am one walking, talking science experiment!” I say to the room.
Dammit what time is it, , the kids will be coming home soon and won’t hesitate to report me. Ugh, I can see it now, the prosecutor would put me on the stand.
“Ms. Kader, can you tell us where the blood in the bedroom came from, and can you tell us who was the victim?” I mimic.
“Yes sir, the blood came from a pistol I placed in my mouth, the bullet went through the back of my skull, I think. Oh, and the victim well that would be me, I guess.”
Who would be released after that statement, there’s no need for a get-out-of-jail-free card, nope. The only place I would be headed is an all-expenses paid, one-way ticket to the nuthouse. So, no more wasting time wondering how when the clock is ticking.
I must remove all evidence, with a bucket of bleach and water, well mostly bleach, water will not remove these stains. I start scrubbing at the walls, the red starts to look like streaks of smeared water colored paint that a child left behind. My gloves and the rag descend to a pink tint and the burnt metallic chlorine smell is so intense I begin to feel light-headed.
“Shit! I really don’t know what I’m doing, I probably should’ve opened a window first?” I say to myself.
“Who are you talking to?” A voice asks from the door.
The minute I hear his voice I know, I’m screwed, nuthouse here I come. Slowly I turn around and there HE stands in the arch of the doorway; he never comes any further than that. What is he doing here, why did he have to show up today, I really am cursed.
“Eset, are you talking to yourself again, you really are crazy. Anyway, what are you doing?” he snidely asks.
I look down at the pink rag I’m holding and drop it in the bucket near me. I glance up at the wall. I’m at a loss for words, I have no clue how to answer his question. From the corner of my eye, I notice his gaze following mine over to the wall.
What the hell is that?” Seth yells, this is the push I need to respond.
“Oh, Seth, so glad you could stop by. To what do I owe the pleasure?” I sweetly ask.
“Really Eset, you want to act like that. Seriously, what is on the fucking wall!” He berates.
“What, don’t worry about the wall, I’m taking care of it.” I rashly explain.
“It looks like blood, holy shit Eset; is that blood?” He growls in question!
“I told you the wall is none of your business. ” I clarify.
“It is blood, why is there blood on our bedroom wall, dammit Eset, what did you do?” He taunts.
I’m offended, what does he mean what did I do, he really thinks I’m crazy, it infuriates me. Still the blood is there because of me. Might be a better idea just to bite my tongue this time.
“Blood! don’t make me laugh, it’s paint stupid, these ugly beige walls needed some color. Now, what is the reason I have to see your face?” I ask disgust prevalent in my voice.
“Oh, I get it you’re still pissed I brought Kalina for breakfast.” He guesses.
“You are so full of it; I could care less about you and your overpriced whore.” I state exhaustion clear in my voice.
“Tell me Eset, what is it that you hate more that I moved on or the loss of my money?” He asks in that superior tone of his.
“I’ll tell you what, Seth, you think whatever you want, but what you came here for, leave now, and come back later when I’m not here. I have crap to do and that does not include time to argue sorry speak with you.”
I can’t believe this, why does he always have to be so infuriating, I’m not even sure how I ended up with him, I don’t feel any romantic feelings towards him, and the funny thing is I can’t remember when I ever did. I feel like my life was determined by someone else, I have no idea how I ended up here, I mean shouldn’t I care, my husband, was cheating on me?
“Tell me Eset, do you even care that I moved on with Kalina?” He asks.
What, is he reading my mind now, how did he know what I was thinking about. I should tell him how I feel. Not keep trying for some semblance of peace. I could ask him how we met, but he always glosses over any of those topics. Seriously what was I thinking marrying someone like him, he’s not even my type.
The funny thing is I could swear I knew him, but not as a lover, something else but what was it? As he continues to aggravate the situation, I begin to experience glimpses of watching him argue with another man, but I can only see Seth the other man is covered in fog and for some reason the clothes Seth is wearing are strange to say the least. Is this a dream? Can you dream when you are awake and moving.
“Brother, we don’t need to worry about the journey father has requested of us, we just need to follow.” Says the mysterious voice.
“Don’t be naïve, why do you always do what father asks, following Maat is bad idea and I will not be joining you. I will stay here with your lovely wife.” Seth yells and moves towards me.
The look he gives me as those words leave his mouth feel like pin pricks down by back. I look at the other man and although I can’t see him clearly, but I can tell that he is smiling at me. I feel goosebumps rise on my arms and my heart starts beating fast. Who is he, I wish I could see him. Did Seth say I was this stranger’s wife, someone that calls him brother. I don’t recall Seth having a brother.
“Eset…Eset…Are you even listening to me, I asked you about Kalina?” Seth shakes me as he yells in my face.
I blink and look at Seth, what was that? Why did he pull me away, that was the first time I felt something in so long. Seth continues to speak, what is he saying, something about Kalina?
“No, why would I, you had a young attractive assistant who thought she would rather be the wife so she threw herself at you, and ta-da it worked! Not very original.” I vaguely respond.
“That’s it, that’s your answer. Nothing else comes to mind.” He begs.
“Seth, I don’t care why there is a Kalina or what you do with her.” I state.
“That’s your problem Eset, you don’t care about anything.” Seth yells as he starts moving away.
“That’s not true, I care just not about you.” I scream at him.
I watch as his face scrunches in anger and see the outline of his clenched fists. He always looks so angry.
“Yeah, what a waste of time, bye Eset, have fun with your bloody wall.” He growls as he steps out and slams the door.
Ugh, I hate him, he is the worst person I could ever end up with, I know he says we are married but why do I not remember a wedding? I’m exhausted, the room looks like shit, the walls are barely coming clean, but my head feels so heavy. I am sure this is all just one f’d up nightmare. I just need to lie down and when I wake up everything will be back to normal, I’ll be back in my same dreary stifling life with no way out.
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