Oh My Gangster
Part Nine
Mile's
"So this is where you've been." Said Josh waltzing into Kyle's. I guess it has been quite a few days since I last saw him. "What's got you?" I lower my eyes and concentrate on my hand of cards.
"Nothing, just keeping a low profile is all."
"Yeah, right?" He sat next to me. Arm slung over the back of the sofa and the other grabbing at my beer.
"Oi, that's mine!" He grumbled something unintelligible and I shot him a look. "What?"
"Nothing," he said, taking a mouthful of (MY) beer. "How's Luca?" I dropped my cards feeling his stare burn through me. Obviously I've not said anything to anyone, not even Kyle although he's probably guessed it by now. But that's what's good about Kyle, he doesn't question me unless it's a matter of urgency.
"Why are you asking me? I don't fucking know." I bit.
"Right?"
"Yeah, right."
"Well, it didn't look like that the other night."
"What?"
"The other night," He said, leaning in closer to me. "When you both disappeared into the crowd."
Shoving him back I shot him a look that clearly said Fuck off! "That was just business." Naughty business, but that's beside the point. I thought. This is going so badly.
"Business, I see. Shouldn't you be sharing business with me and the others?"
"No, because it's nothing important."
"All business is important Mile's."
"Not that business, it was just about the club incident, that's all. It's sorted now." He hummed a little. It grated on the inside of my skull and I wanted to punch him to shut him the fuck up. "Business, between the sheets…" I turned and grabbed his collar. He smiles and holds his hands up like some kind of protest. “I mean, come on Miles. How was that business? It was a bar brawl and you decided to do business in between a bar brawl?”
"Don't be stupid!"
"Calm it you two," Said Kyle. "He spoke to Luca on my behalf, that's all, end of." I sigh, thank fuck he had my back. As I said before, to Luca, we are playing a dangerous game. Even I can't trust my guys when it comes to Luca.
"Alright." I dropped my hands and slumped back. I didn't feel like playing cards anymore. I didn't feel like doing anything, not anymore. I'm tired. I'm tired of playing gang boss, I'm tired of everything. Maybe Luca is right, maybe running would be good. Away from this shit hole, away from its people. It's not like I'm very good at being anything. Fuck! This is bullshit. All I ever do is try and convince myself that that guy means nothing, that he's nothing, but it's a lie I'm feeding myself.
"I need air." I mumbled, standing up and giving my back a quick stretch.
"I'll come with you. The guys are at the den, let's go there."
"No Josh, you go. I need to think."
"About what?"
"Nothing you need to know…"
"Fuck you!" He shouts, startling me. "You're full of shit. Fucking off whenever you want. Not bothering with us. Your fucking full of crap! You've been off in your own little bubble somewhere. What about us? What about me!”
"Piss off…" Before I could even let another word out he was on me.
"Don't you dare you shit!"
"Get off me you fucking nut!" Kyle quickly grabbed Josh by the arm yet his other hand still held a tight grip on my shirt and the buttons gave out. Of course they would. This was one of the moments you see in stupid movies, so cliche and terrible.
"What the fuck!" He shouts as my shirt ripped open. His eyes went wide at the apparent bite marks. "I fucking new it!" I threw my fist and hit him on the jaw, knocking him back. "Bastard!"
"I told you to get off me!"
"You have been at his! Your sleeping with the fucking enemy!"
"I'm not!!"
"Bullshit! I'm done, your fucking done Mile's. Go play fag with that piece of shit and see where it gets you." And with that he'd run out of the room slamming the door behind him. I fell back and held my face. He's right, I'm done for.
"Hey," Said Kyle, grabbing me off the floor. "I don't want to pry into your personal life, but playing with Luca will only get you hurt."
"Don't you think I don't know that!" Again the tears started to sting my eyes. "I just, I can't…"
"Shush, It's okay." He hugged me to his chest. It's the only place I felt safe. No, that's wrong, I felt safe somewhere else too. "I don't know what you and Luca have, but it's gotta stop kid."
"I know that, too."
"Do you love him?" My eyes went wide and I held my breath for a moment. Do I love him? I thought. He makes my heart scream. He makes my body weak. He gives me stupid damn butterflies in the pit of my stomach and when I'm in his arms it feels so right. Is that...Love? "Don't answer that." He whispered.
"I…erm, think I do." I answered anyway. There's no lying anymore. What's the point?
"You need to hide for a bit."
"Why?" I pulled away. He had fear in his eyes and not for himself, but for me.
"The guy's you call friends will cause trouble. Luca can handle that, but you, you can't."
"Where will I go?"
"I'm sure you can figure that out." He said, passing me my phone. "It's your only choice. I'm getting old Mile's, there's only so much I can do before it's not enough and now, it's not enough."
"I...I understand." I don't want to drag Kyle into this mess anymore than I have already. He gave up that life years ago, it wouldn't be fair. "I will call you."
"I know."
I grabbed my jacket and opened my phone. "See ya." He nodded and I walked out. I bolted from the building and snuck down an adjacent alley and put my phone to my ear. "Hey...I need your help." I whispered.
"Where are you?" Asked Luca with worry in his voice. I heard people in the background, He's most likely at Harry's.
"You're busy…."
"Stop. Tell me where you are, I'll come get you." I lent back against the damp wall and slid all the way down. I felt gross, yet it's where I belong. With all the rubbish and drug paraphernalia.
"I'm really not worth it, right?"
"Mile's," he whispered, then I heard traffic on the other end of the line. "You're wrong. You're worth everything."
"Even your life?"
"Where are you?"
"In an alley, by Kyle's."
"I'm coming to get you, so don't move."
"I'll be waiting." He hung up and I dropped my phone. I stood up and stomped on it a good few times until it was nothing but bits. Then I punched the wall. My hand started to burn from the impact but I needed a distraction from the pain in my chest. Please, God, let him not be long. I'm cold and needed him no matter how much I tried to refuse. I needed him. Just him and no one else. The truth has always been there and now it's time I actually started to tell it. To Luca, to me.
"Found you. Come on," My eyes widened seeing him. His breathing haggard, his face red and I did the only thing I knew and fell into his embrace, his warm comforting embrace. "Come on, my car is right there."
"We can't go to yours." My voice was muffled and broken.
"I know." He held my hand and we both walked to the car. He held the door open for me and I jumped in. I watched him walk around the front of the car and got in too. I'm always watching him. All this time, even back before all this. Why didn't I see it? "Let's go to my other place." I looked at him confused. But then again that guy’s rolling in the money, it's not surprising that he has another place. "What's happened?" He asked as he started up the engine.
"It doesn't matter."
"Miles, everything matters."
"It doesn’t matter." I repeated a little louder, praying it would sink into my brain if I just said it often enough.
"Sometimes things that shouldn’t matter seem to matter a whole heck of a lot." He said sagely. I chuckled at that, genuinely amused.
"Look, please don’t play Dr. Phil with us, okay?"
"Mile's, I told you we could just disappear."
"We'd be hunted down like prey, you know that."
"I will deal with it."
"It's not enough."
"I will make it enough." I took a deep breath and attempted to pull my shit together when I saw the confident look on Luca's face. I needed to trust him, yet trust wasn't something I had, but I had to because no matter how much we'd argue or tried to hide, I fucking love him and would give anything for that carefree life with just us.
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