Oh My Gangster
Part Ten
Luca
Somethings gotta give, I just don't know what. I know I have to do this, not just for me. I was doing it for Mile's, more for him because he means everything to me, although he shouldn't. Funnily enough he made my world spin in the right direction although he makes my heart bang all over the damn place. But I tell myself every second of every day, that's it's going to be good, it will be okay. Although I'm not very convincing and I wasn’t even sure I was doing a very good job of it either, I looked composed but I was actually losing my shit, having to hide the anger and frustration was the hardest part.
"Eddie, just keep it together, because I sure as hell ain't."
"I'm keeping it together you ass. I always do, just keep out of sight for a bit."
"Have you spoken to my father? I've not had the balls as of yet."
"I spoke to him this morning, I made it clear you're on a personal business trip and not to be bothered."
"How'd he take that?"
"Quite well actually. Although that little shit Josh keeps kicking up a stink, we are dealing with him."
"Give me a couple of days and I will deal with that little prick personally."
"You think it's a good idea? Because I don't, Luca. Just keep a low profile for a bit and I will call you in a few days, don't worry about your father, okay." I run an agitated hand through my hair. I felt all my hair on my body stand on end thinking of the damn consequences. "Luca?"
"Yes yes, I got it."
"Good. Speak to you soon and don't worry."
"Cheers Ed."
"I hate it when you call me that." He chuckled down the phone. "Go, Speak soon."
"Alright, see ya." He laughed again and hung up. I don't know what I'd do without him. I guess he just had a higher tolerance for crazy. Lately, I have had none. I was running on empty and Mile's, well fuck, he was all over the damn place. Being stuck in didn't help either. He needed air, I said no, he'd storm off and make an argument, yet I had to put my foot down.
I'm guessing he's not used to this shit either. We both weren't, we both didn't realize how hard it actually is.
"You finished?" Asked Mile's, walking over to me. "The air feels good." The only air we've had in days. Dreading the thought, I decided enough was enough and we did in fact need it.
"It does, but I know it's not enough for you."
"Well, yeah. Sitting in the garden a few feet from the back door isn't adventurous at all, but it's better than nothing." He said, staring at me, like always.
"Mile's...We've fuck up, right?" I got another one of his long, studious stares.
"Yeah, we fucked up the moment it began, yet we didn't stop, so why stop now."
Thinking up a positive response was hard. I'm good with my brain when it comes to business or needing to shut some punk up, then I'd use my fists or anything at hand. Yet this, I was absolutely new to. Not that I've not had a few guys, but that was it, I had them then they were gone. With Mile's I had to have him and keep him but I didn't know how it all worked. "I don't want to lose you."
"How can you? I'm not allowed to leave." I nudged his leg. He's an Idiot.
"I don't mean it like that, you moron."
"You're a moron for believing I meant that." He laughs letting his hand rest on my thigh. "Seriously though, you won't lose me. I admitted to Kyle and myself that I love you. It's just something I can no longer ignore."
"You love me?" I knew he did, I just want to hear him say it again.
"I'm not saying it again." It's funny, but he can see right through me. He's the only guy I've known apart from Eddie that can see me, see all my truths I don't dare say out aloud. "Hey," he paused, leaning on his palm to stare again. His beautiful blue eyes capturing my heart even more. "When we can leave, let's go somewhere off the grid, yeah?"
"Like where?"
"Hmm, somewhere hot, an island."
"Sounds perfect."
"It really does." His voice trailed off and he went quiet. He was still staring but had fallen into a complete daze. I waved my hand in front of his face, he didn't even blink.
"Mile's, you hungry?"
"Mm hm."
"Are you picturing us on an island?"
"I sure am. All sun kissed and perfect. Eating crab and drinking cocktails." I smiled and pinched his cheek. "Hey."
"I didn't peg you as a cocktail guy."
"Everyone likes cocktails, if they don't they're fucking weird as hell….wait, you like cocktails, right?"
"I do."
"Good." Fighting back a laugh, I got up and held my hand out for his and he took it. I liked that he didn't hesitate anymore, even with sex. He'd started initiating a lot of it. I was watching tv yesterday and he walked in the room butt fucking naked, all he needed to do was wiggle that cute ass in my face and I was panting for more. He'd got me well and truly wrapped around his little finger. "Let's make food."
"Like what?" As I said before, I am very new to this, yet it felt normal, like a normal homely couple. We brush our teeth together, bathe together and cook together. We did all the normal things couples would do and I was hoping it'll stay like this for the rest of our lives. I even thought about retirement, at my age? Yes, I was thinking about it and then running offt o another country, like he asked a moment ago. It's something I've been wanting anyway. "Spaghetti?"
"We had that yesterday."
"Yeah, but it's so good when you make it, I could eat your spaghetti every day."
"Fine, spaghetti it is." Then he chuckles, cutely so.
"I’m glad. I feel like I should say good boy, but I think you’d get offended by that."
"You'd be thinking right." Then his laughter turned into more of a snicker. "Just get in, I'm sick of being outside now."
"Oh, and there was me thinking we could take a trip to the store."
"Really?" He gleamed.
"No, not really." He slapped my arse, quite hard it made me see and think all things I shouldn't. "Do it again, I dare you." He held up his hand, above his hand and brought it down but stopped just before the hit and laughed then walked in ahead of me. "Oi!" I wanted to play some more but those dark thoughts of him being hurt because I couldn't stop came bubbling up inside me. But most of all, it was loneliness. Of course Mile's was lonely, but it was a familiar kind of lonely. The kind that weighed you down, that entwined itself in your muscles, in your bones, in everything you did. I recognized it because I felt it too. For years, we both had something we needed from each other, an outlet, that then turned into something so much more. We fell in love with danger at first and then it stopped being the danger and became something real, something you don't want to ever lose, no matter what. But the danger is still very much there.
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