Oh My Gangster 

Part Eleven 

Mile's 

It wasn't a dream, well not a dream you'd have while you slept peacefully in your bed. It was a dream I can see as clear as day. Like it was actually happening. My mind threw out images of death. I watched this awakened dream cross the living floor and I watched Luca get shot down in cold blood. I heard the gargled cry for help as if it were real. I saw the deep red seep into the cream carpet. My stomach twisted and my chest hurt. I was screaming, but no sound could be heard. I watched as it all played out in front of me. I wanted to vomit, but again I couldn't do anything but watch the man I've fallen hopelessly in love with die, right before my very eyes. Must be a dream, I thought. It has to be, so why does it look and feel so real. Even the coffee cup I was holding was slowly burning my hands, the smell wafted up my nose, strong, yet bitter. The metallic tang of blood is even stronger. Still, I couldn't move, I couldn't go to him and save him. Why? Why is this happening?

"...Mile's…" I heard my name, a sweet whisper. "Mile's…" Again, closer this time. "Mile's, hey." Right by my ear. I slowly turn my head to see Luca standing next to me, holding a gun. He pointed it at me, I gulped then looked back to his body on the floor, only this time it wasn't him, it was me. Dead, cold, eyes wide looking straight at me. "Die or run?" He asked. 

Looking into my coffee cup, finding it empty I replied. "Die." He laughs as the heavy gun pressed on the side of my head. "It's over, right?" 

"It always has been." He said. 

Again I looked down at my hands. I wasn't holding a coffee cup anymore. I was holding a heart, beating, blood dripping through my fingers and onto the cold work surface. I lifted my other hand to my chest and felt a hole, where my heart should be. "It hurts." 

"Love hurts Mile's." 

"It hurts so much." He pressed the gun even harder to the side of my head and I closed my eyes and squeezed my heart. BANG. The sound ricochets as the bullet passed through my head and hit the far wall and bounced off and landed in front of me. 

"Wake up, Mile's...wake up...wake up!" Everything went dark, cold and silent. "Wake up! Dammit." I opened my eyes to the sunlight filtering around the room. I turn to see I'm alone. "What, the fuck?" I shot up in bed and quickly examined my chest to feel it intact. I felt my head, no bullet wounds, but my chest hurt like crazy and tears stung my eyes. It was a dream, no, a nightmare. 

"Morning." Said Luca, walking into the room. I didn't reply but watched him. I looked him up and down, I looked at his hands to see them empty. "What's wrong?" He asked. 

"A bad dream." 

"What happened?" He asked, while climbing back into bed. 

"I watched you die, then it wasn't you, it was me ...then it changed and I was holding my heart in my hands and you stood next to me with a gun and you asked if I wanted to die or run. I chose death and you shot me in the head, then I woke up," he took my hand and held it tight. "It felt so real, I could smell everything like it was real, the pain was real." 

"Mile's…" 

"Don't, I know what you're going to say, it was just a dream. But it was a dream that felt so real, even now I'm shaken to the core." 

"I'm here Mile's and I will never hurt you." 

"I know that, but I still can't get my head around how real it felt," I gasped and met his eyes. "What if it's like some kind of premonition?" 

"Mile's, I think it's your fears materializing them into something that felt so real." 

"Fears?" 

"I'm scared to." 

"I...I'm scared. Really scared." He pulled me into his warm arms and buried my face in his chest, his warmth, his scent. "What if you die," I asked, wrapping my arms around his waist. "What will I do without you?" 

"I'm not going to die and neither are you." 

"You don't know that." I heard his heavy breath, I can hear his heart as loud as a bass drum beating in his chest. "If, if you die, I will die too. I won't let you go alone." Pulling me away, he held my shoulders and just stared at me. I watched his eyes follow the small tears that fell down my cheeks.

"I can't give you any answers Mile's, because I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know if we're being watched or not and I don't know where to go from here. I just don't know. If you want to run with me, we can, but it's a risk." 

"I want to run. Let's run, as far away as possible." 

"The risks of being caught are extremely high." 

"Why?" 

"I spoke to Eddie. He's sorting things from that end with my family, my group ...but it's your friend Josh who's making the biggest noise. I don't know who he's spoken to. I don't know if any deals have been made and I also don't know the bounty on our heads. I expect it not to be cheap." 

"We are really fucked, right?" 

"In not too many words, yes." I held my breath as more tears threatened to fall. I held my chest that hurt like nothing I'd ever felt before. 

"I...don't want to see you die, please let's just try and leave, because right now, we are sitting targets. Let's give them a run for the money." He smiles. 

"Yeah, let's make it impossible for them." 

"Right." 

"I love you." He said, pushing some of my hair behind my ears. "So much. I would ..." 

"Stop it," I cut in, because I knew what he was going to say and I just couldn’t bear it. 

"Mile's…" 

"Don't die, not for me." 

"I don't want to...but, Mile's, I'm telling you now, no matter what you say or do, I will die for you if it ever comes down to it and if it does, I want you to run and live. Promise me." 

"I couldn't live without you. I won't let you die alone, I won't and nothing you can say will change my mind." 

"So stubborn." I cupped his chin, so he could look at me. 

"Deal, Luca." I heard him draw in a long breath and then his left hand closed around the wrist of the hand I had on his face. 

"Mile's." he managed to get out. Just that one word tore me wide open. It was said with such sheer agony, I was helpless to do anything about it. "I've never been so frightened in my whole life, but the thought of losing you pains me so much that I can't bear it." 

"It's the same for me, too. For so long I've done whatever I wanted, I lost track of time, I lost me. Then I found you, my angry and stubborn man. You gave me something no one else ever could, even amongst all the dangers, you still gave me what I refused to believe I needed. Love, your love." He didn’t answer me, not with words anyway. But when he nodded against me and then wrapped his arms around me in a brutally tight grip, I knew he’d finally found his way back to me. "I’m not letting go, Luca," I promised. "Not ever letting go." There were still no words to accompany his next nod, but I didn’t care. What he’d given me was enough. More than enough.