Emilia

“The situation is complicated…”

Sensing he might not be entirely forthcoming, I demand, “Then uncomplicate it for me by telling me everything. From the beginning. I need to know why you left and disappeared, where it is you’ve been, and why the FBI thinks I’m involved in whatever it is you’re doing. You owe me the truth, Creed. All of it. After everything you’ve put me through, it’s the least you can do.”

Though his eyebrows draw together, he gives me a slight nod. “When I left three years ago, my mission was to infiltrate the dark corners of an organization called La Salvacion. They’re a multi-national operation, that goes into countries fraught with war and poverty, to help orphans and refugee families. Billions of dollars are funneled to this organization from all over the world, as people make contributions to what they believe is a worthy cause.

“Our investigation first started five years ago when my partner and I identified a link between this organization and several international human trafficking cases we were working. Digging deeper, we uncovered connections that suggested the corruption in the organization was widespread. Especially amongst its leadership, which we learned includes some of the most powerful and influential people in the United States. American citizens, who hold high-ranking positions within our federal government, as well as in the public and private sectors.

“When we realized the success of the organization was driven in part by powerful Americans who were facilitating its illegal activities, we took what we found up the chain of command to the one person we knew wouldn’t turn a blind eye to what was happening. We needed someone with the authority to keep the investigation alive, and who had the resources to keep the details a secret while we gathered the evidence necessary to prosecute those involved.

“When I left you guys, I went to Columbia on orders from the FBI to go after some of the smaller players. But… I was also there on orders from the President of the United States, in essence, to uncover evidence that would implicate those Americans involved. Members of our very own government, including leadership in the Justice Department, the FBI, the CIA, and several other agencies. The mission was classified. No one knew what I was really doing there except a handful of trusted individuals, yet somehow the details of my mission were leaked.

“My handler and presidential contact informed me of what went down and helped me escape apprehension. They’re the ones that have been watching to make sure the FBI left you alone. The minute they got word the focus of their investigation now included you, they reached out to me. It was them who helped me back into the country, so we could work together to get you and the girls off the FBI’s radar.”

Shocked, I sit back in silence. My mind reeling as I process everything he’s shared. Though I’m relieved to hear he didn’t commit the crimes the FBI accused him of, his story changes nothing as it relates to my safety and that of the girls. And the worst part is, we wouldn’t be in this mess if not for his actions and his obsession with his job at the very agency now trying to frame him.

“You knew. Before you left, you knew the shitstorm this investigation might kick up, and even knowing the risks to you, to me and the girls, to our life, you still chose to go. How could you do this? How could you up and leave us without so much as a warning? How could you leave us vulnerable, and without a clue that our lives could implode at any moment?”

“Emilia…”

“No! Do not Emilia me. Not now. Not ever again. Not after you left me to grieve for you. Left me to cry, be sad, and be scared for you. Do you have any idea what I went through? What the past three years have been like? The minute you handed me those divorce papers and left, my life as I knew it ceased to exist. And then the FBI calls one day to tell me you’re missing. No other information on what was to come next, no word on what they were doing to find you. Nothing but silence and loneliness because they threatened to come after me if I told anyone what was happening with you. I had to deal with this all on my own, Creed. Completely and utterly alone.” My voice breaks, and I take a second to regain my composure.

“At the very least, you should have reached out when everything blew up, to warn me of what was coming and to tell me you were safe.”

“I’m sorry, I…”

“Save your apologies because I’m the one who’s sorry. I should have signed those damn divorce papers when I had the chance. I can only imagine the heartache it would have saved me if I’d just done what you asked. But no, instead I fought for you!” I’m so enraged that suddenly I’m yelling.

“I fought and held on to our marriage because outside of you, I couldn’t see me. You and the girls were my world, yet for you, we were nothing more than a complication. A hindrance. It used to make me so sad…” A sob breaks free, so I cover my mouth with a hand, fighting to breathe through the anguish.

“But now I’m just mad at myself for having spent the past three years crying over someone who doesn’t deserve my love. My devotion. Or those two little girls who are worthy of so much more. I should hate you.” I stare at him, eyes slit with anger and betrayal. “But instead, who I hate is me for not seeing you for who you are. For assuming that you loved me. That you loved us.”

“I do love you!” He screams at me, his demeanor gripped with fury I don’t understand. He’s not the aggrieved party here. It’s not my decisions that got us to this point. It was him. All of this is on him. “I’ve spent every second I’ve been away worrying about the three of you. I love you and those girls, and it’s because I care that I left. It’s why I’ve stayed away.”

Out of my mind with anger at the sorry excuse, I stand and lunge at him. The fiery rage that pulses through my veins demands I hurt him just like he’s hurt us. While he lets me get a few hard hits in, it’s not long before he has me subdued. With my fists crushed tight between us, I’m trapped and helpless. Dropping my forehead to his chest, I surrender to the grief. Sounds of betrayal bleed out of me with every sob that rips from my throat.

“Listen to me,” he clears his throat. “I do love you. How could I not when you’re like the goddam sun? From the moment I saw you, I couldn’t turn away, even as I knew my career made having a relationship damn near impossible. I knew it was a mistake, yet I couldn’t give up the only perfect thing God had ever given me.” His voice is rough and thick with emotion.

“And even knowing it was wrong, I don’t have it in me to regret it because my life before you was like the darkest, coldest night. My life afterward is lonelier and colder still, but that time I had with you I was rife with vitality. For the very first time, I had hope. You changed me. Made me want better things for myself than just to exist, so I held on when I should have let you go. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry the life I lead and the choices I’ve made have hurt you. But I will never. Ever. Regret falling in love with you.”

NOTE: Chapter 2 Continues in the next episode.

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