HARLEY

I tossed my bag onto the couch, then let my body follow right after I locked the door behind me. My limbs were loose and exhausted, and my brain wanted to shut down as soon as possible. The warnings my agent had given me about organizing a book tour while finishing a final draft fell on deaf ears. I was convinced I could handle it, especially since I'd been travelling and just enjoying my life for weeks while the book went to print. While I still knew I could do it, I wasn't sure for how much longer.

Just when my eyes were about to close, my phone buzzed in the back pocket of my black jeans. I pulled it out to find a text from Jae, and all of a sudden it was hard to keep a hold of my phone. My hands, now clammy, shook as I tried to read the text.

"Hope your day at work got easier."

The smile on my face made me feel a little stupid as I gazed down at my phone's screen. We'd been texting each other for the past few weeks after he reached out to arrange a date and time for tea/coffee. It scared me to respond because I worried that eventually he wouldn't, and I'd be stuck feeling dumb for having any kind of hope. Again. But his replies came swiftly, and if they didn't it was because he was busy with something and he let me know beforehand.

"I technically wasn't 'at' work, but I appreciate the sentiment."

Before I could even put my phone down, I felt it vibrate in my hand.

"Semantics. But, that means you're free for the rest of the night?"

My eyes went to the black screen of my TV and I wrestled with feelings of anxiety that started to bubble up in my chest. We had only been texting for weeks because I kept having things come up. The truth was that I made myself busy to keep from seeing Jae all that time. A big part of me wanted to, and I kept seeing his face when I thought about him and the possibility of having something life-changing happen between us. But the fear of disappointing him somehow overtook me and I kept saying, 'next time.'

For whatever reason, today, I decided to be honest despite the weight of the day hitting my body.

"I actually am."

I saw a read receipt after my message, 3 dots, and then nothing. I continued to stare at my open phone for what felt like an hour, and eventually just decided to lock it. If he was gonna text me, I'd see it pop up.

And I waited.

Then checked.

And only ten minutes had gone by, so I felt a little obsessed and pathetic, so the only thing left to do was to toss my phone. As soon as it landed on the other end of the sofa, his name popped up on the screen.

"He's calling- OH," I belly-flopped onto the couch, making sure I didn't accidentally hang up. After taking a few deep breaths, I picked up with a casual "hello?"

The sound of a deep sigh on the other line sent shivers down my spine. "Hey, I kinda thought you wouldn't pick up."

"Oh," I felt my voice shake, and tried to clear it to cover up the sound, "that bad, huh?"

"No, you're just busy, and I took a chance. It was random, so..."

A short silence fell over the conversation as I thought of what to say next. Part of me wanted to be honest as to why we hadn't made concrete plans yet, but it felt like I'd be coming on way too strong way too soon.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I am free tonight, though, and all of tomorrow."

"What kind of tea do you like?"

Even though we'd been texting for weeks, the fact that he remembered that I liked tea, and considered that, made me feel like this was different.

"Black and herbal teas. I really love bubble tea, too."

"I know this great boba cafe downtown, like a couple minutes away from Dundas Station. They're open late. Would you be up to go there tonight?"

I moved the phone from my ear to check the time. It was earlier than I thought considering how dark it was. Another thing to love about Canadian Winters.

"Yeah, I'd love to. It's like 15 minutes from me. Do you wanna meet in like..."

"An hour? 8pm?"

"That works for me," I said, and before I could stop myself asked, "what should I wear?"

As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I wanted to launch my phone across the room and disappear for the foreseeable future. My mortification made my heart race and my palms sweaty. Jae, on the other hand, laughed.

"Well, I have a bad habit of wearing the same combo of dress shirts and pants during the week. So, I'm the last person to make any requests. I'm just looking forward to seeing you."

The smile that quirked up the corners of my lips was automatic, and my anxiety dissipated just a little bit.

"Me, too."