Sitting Down on the street outside the bar I try to catch my breath, but no matter how many slow deliberite breaths I take my heart and mind keep racing like they are being overclocked and I can't calm them down. 

"Huur...urrr" I dry heave into the gutter as there was nothing left to give.

"Oi buttie, drink yo water." The female officer says from behind me. Though even now the ringing in my ears hasn't fully disappeared causing me to only react a few seconds later, taking a sip from the bottle.

They arrived about a minute ago. They were called in by Mandella after they found their healing was inefficient to help him. But neither of them even tried to go further to bring him back. They just stood there. Standing, Standing Standing.

nee-nore, nee-nore. An ambulance pulls up a minute behind the police, the ambulance 

"Joshua?" looking up at who called me I see Joseph with a stunned look on his face. I muster a bearly smile as I see him his face begins distorting between angered, worried, and confused, and both us us need to talk tomorrow. Me because I don't want to and him because he can't.

The female police offered me a ride home, as I made my way to the car Adam reached for me and ended up pulling me aside before I stepped into the cop car Adam whispered into my ear his closeness enough to hear his heart beating rapidly almost drowning out his words.

"Find me at the church tomorrow" his words were not a suggestion, but a command.

The silent drop off home from the cop car I entered my room from the window and dropped down onto my bed. Laying down I slip into a dreamless sleep left in a satin darkness laced with the smell of blood. It wrapped and surrounded me shielding me from my thoughts though not smothering me like earlier on. The rusting of the sheets acted like a pleasant sound to drown me in the dreams and not allow me to focus on anything other than the writhing darkness.

I awoke early my body feeling relaxed and fresh though my mind still felt like there was a blanket over it while now everything was clear, a few things were still hidden from me whether for my hurt or my benefit.

I sit up commit to my goal for the day and get ready to meet up with Adam. Getting dressed and put on my blue hoodie. Walking out of my room I see the house is empty so I make my way through it the lingering smell of energizing me. Leaving the house I want to walk directly to Adam but know there is one place I need to visit first before then.

Walking to work I found Chad opening up the shop so I sped up to catch him out front. 

"Chad"

"Aah, môre môre josh, baie vroeg sien ek." His cheery tone made me regret what I was about to do.

"Goeiemôre meneer, kan ons praat, asseblief?" 

His smile faltered as he nodded along, leading me into his office. In his office, I told him that I would need to take some time off to figure something out as I was offered a new job opportunity and wanted to take it. He seemed sad but willing to let me go if I was willing to return if it didn't work out. As I left each step left me emptier, each step took me further and further away from my life, the life I knew and cherished. But each step empowered me and gave me the strength to see this through.

Turning onto Abattoir Street I stopped, the sight of the church freesing me in place. More than saying goodbye, more than convincing myself I still froze on the last leg of the journey, but being so close. knew that turning around would be harder than moving forward.

I Find Adam waiting for me, standing on the lowest level of his posture on guard as his eyes pierce right through me but I don't relent and continue to make my way towards him. With each step, it feels like I am fighting against an insane headwind and under a greater pull of gravity, but I persevere, I will, I have to. When I am about three steps away, nearly crushed by the pressure it relents. Like an overstacked Barbel taken from my back, the relief was palpable but temporary. I can barely stand and am left trying my hardest to grasp at breaths my body feeling like I had just run a marathon. I can bearly see through my blurred vision that Adam sits down on the first step, his gaze still piercing me, probing me for something.  

  

"What do you want." his words were flat and pointed like he just wanted me to say what he already knew. 

  

"Train me!" A question shouted like a statement giving form to the desperation I felt inside.  

  

"Good, but you don't have a choice. You would be trained regardless." My reaction must have surprised him as much as his words surprised me. Does he mean no choice? I have chosen to go headfirst into the fire here. What if I had chosen not to come here? my face must have  

  

"If you didn't come to us, we would have found you." The Lack of a chuckle or even a facial twitch made it seem that humor was the furthest thing from his mind. 

  

"I will remind you that I gave you the choice to leave or get involved and you chose to get involved then disregard that choice so I will do what is right and take that choice away." his response was pointed and sharp a solemn reminder of how I allowed myself to go astray, how I was taken advantage of but I would not be deterred even as he stood up now towering over me in both stature and presence. I nod and try to smile only to be met back with a true smile and true eyes reflecting true sadness. but he was undeterred by himself as he nodded back.   

  

"Any questions before we start?" he asks as he motions me up the stairs that he had begun ascending. I knew what I wanted to ask, I had wanted to ask it for a while, but the words were stuck on my tongue. But I had already brought myself here so holding my tongue would do me little good. 

  

"Will doing this protect my family" My question caused him to stop his ascent up the stairs for but a moment before he continued and answered back in his confident arrogant tone. 

  

"Don't Worry, I have already sent Hannah to secure them, Let's go." His last words were said with his back towards me but that, for some reason, made me feel reassured. So, I followed him, taking my first step up the stairs to something new. To the fate, I tried to run away from.