Roland’s POV
“He’s that kid that they bought a car for,” someone sneered behind me in the lunch line. “Why does he get special treatment?”
“Probably because he’s so helpless. I mean he was failing every class he was in before that roommate came here. He probably did all his homework for him. That cheater.”
“Yea his roommate is really smart. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what happened.”
“I don’t see why they even let him in here. It’s clear he doesn’t belong. I mean what could he have done? He’s taking up resources that don’t belong to him.”
“Literally. They bought him a whole ass car. That money should have gone to the arts program.”
“Or the baseball team. We only have one ball left and it’s about to crap out on us. A few more games and the damn insides are going to fall out of it.”
I pretend like I don’t hear them as I pass through the line as quickly as I could before all but running out of the loud, bright, and absolutely torturous room that is the cafeteria.
I hated it in there so much. If it weren’t for Mary’s stupid rules I wouldn’t have to deal with it nearly as much but oh no. She somehow found out I had been skipping breakfast every day and lunch on days we had school. A new rule had been added to the damn list stating absolutely no skipped meals, not just having to take breaks to eat when I was working. These rules were becoming worse and worse by the day.
To top it off it was raining. Another stupid rule was put in place that I couldn’t work in the rain. I didn’t even ask if I could because I knew the answer would be no. I had waited for that stupid receptionist to go to Mary’s office and grabbed my tools from behind her desk before she even knew I was there. It only took an hour for them to realize it was gone and come to make me stop.
Strangulation. Head Trauma. Cancer.
It wasn’t even raining that hard! Barely even a stupid sprinkle. Mary came marching up with the might of god in her step. She had started lecturing me before even making it to the Jeep.
“What exactly do you think you’re doing?” She all but screeched as she stood by my feet.
“Taking these routers off so I can put the new ones on.” I said as I struggled to get the wrench in the right position.
“It’s raining Roland.”
“It’s barely raining.”
“Yet it is still raining.”
“I’m under the car. I can’t even feel it. Hand me that screw driver please. Remember, handle first.”
“Your feet are soaking wet Roland. You’re going to catch a cold.”
“Being in cold weather doesn’t actually make you get colds. You have to come in contact with viruses to get sick,” I said as I looked down to see if she was handing me the tool. She was not.
I sighed to myself as I shuffled out from under the car just far enough to grab the tool box with plans to move it under the car to avoid this next time but Mary put her foot over the box before I could move it.
“Get your foot off of that,” I screamed as I hurriedly scrambled out from under the car to grab the handle and yank it away from her but she was faster, picking it up and tucking it into her chest before I was even standing up right. “Give that back right now.” I demanded to which she looked shocked. “You’re getting it all dirty! Give it back!”
“It was on the ground Roland it was already dirty. My shoe didn’t do anything to it.”
“It wasn’t on the ground,” I spat as I pointed to the towel I had laid under it. “You got it dirty! Give it back right now! Kit has to clean it now!” Understanding seemed to cross her face for a moment but she didn’t hand it over.
“Roland I think it’s time for you to take a break. It’s raining and you’re getting upset I’ll clean your tool box, you go change clothes and be done for the night.”
“I’m upset because of you,” I all but scream at her. “I don’t make your things dirty! I don’t go into your office and demand you to stop everything you’re doing! You’re being rude to me!” Tears began pooling in my eyes as my hands began to shake at my sides.
Mass murder. Car wrecks. Stab wound. Blood loss.
“I’m not meaning to be rude Roland,” she said softly. “It’s just not safe for you to be working out here in the rain and cold. You’ll get phenomena or your hands could get wet and your grip on this parts could slip and hurt you bad. We didn’t even know you were out here. If something had happened and you got too hurt to come get help there’s no telling how long it would have been before help came. You can’t do that. New rules okay? No working in the rain and you always have to let someone, an adult, know that you’re out here. Does that sound fair?”
“No! That doesn’t sound fair! It’s my car. I should be able to work on it when I want to!”
“Not if you’re going to be unsafe.”
“This is so stupid!” I screamed as the tears streamed down my face, my hands flapping rapidly at my side as I began pacing along the side of the car. “I am being safe!”
“I don’t see it that way Roland. I don’t like the possible risks you’re putting yourself through. The receptionist said she didn’t even see you come in. You waited until she was gone because you knew we wouldn’t let you didn’t you?”
“That doesn’t matter,” I screamed.
“It does matter.”
“Give me the box back.”
“I’m sorry Roland but I’m not going to do that. I’ll get it clean for you and you can have it back if the rain moves out tomorrow.”
“You,” my heart was pounding in my chest as I stopped to stand directly in front of her, “are being such a bitch!”
Shock covered her face and that’s all I needed. My hands wrapped around the box and tore it out of her grip before running back to the cabin. I could hear her calling after me but I didn’t slow my pace until I was slamming into the door of the cabin and opening it just wide enough for me to slip in before turning around and locking it behind me.
“Where’s the fire,” Kit asked with a small laugh from his spot on the bed. The second I saw him I all but threw the tool box in his lap.
“You need to clean that. Right now,” I said while trying to force myself to take deep breathes.
“Hey are you okay?”
“No. I’m not okay. I need you to clean that. Clean it until there’s not a spec of dirt on it.” I said, my stomach turning to rocks as I remembered I had touched it. I have to force back a gag as I ran to the bathroom.
“Okay I’ll clean it. It’s going to be okay. Just take some deep breathes,” he said carefully as he followed me to get the wipes from under the sink.
I stayed in that bathroom, my hand under the nearly scolding water, scrubbing it with soap and antibacterial wipes, then soaking it, doing the same steps on repeat until the water turned cold.
When I finally came back from the bathroom my eyes were puffy and still had a few tears left in them and half a box of wipes laid at the side of Kit’s bed.
“What made you cry like that,” Kit asked softly as I sat in the middle of my bed, my knees to my chest and my arms wrapped around myself.
“Mary,” I spat, my voice scratchy and raw from the screaming. “She stepped on my tools and took it away. I hate her now.”
“I’m sure she wouldn’t have done that if she knew it would upset you this bad."
“I told her to stop and she didn’t. She’s a bad person.” Kit frowned as he got off his bed, the tool box in his hand. He laid it by my feet and immediately picked it up to search it for any dirt he may have missed before holding it close to my chest.
“Why don’t we both go talk to her later. Maybe we can smack some sense into her.” I only shook my head as I put my chin on my knees. “Do you want a hug maybe? I’ve been told I give really good hugs.”
I thought it over. Momma used to always hold me when I had a bad day. I hadn’t been hugged since she died. Maybe I would like it now. Plus Kit says he’s good at it.
“Wash your hands first.” He let out a small chuckle as he walked to the bathroom but a few seconds later he sat on the center of the bed with me, his arms slung around me loosely. I didn’t like it. “Tighter,” I muttered into his shoulder. Tighter like Dad used to do it.
He readjusted and this time it felt right. I could barely breathe under the pressure but it was perfect. A sigh feel from my lips as I pressed my forehead to his shoulder and the tension in my body completely left for the first time in years.
“Is this good? Do you want me to stop?”
“Stop and I’ll never speak to you again.” Another chuckle but he didn’t stop. “I called Mary a bitch.” This time it was a real laugh, almost too loud considering how close we were but his grip didn’t loosen so I didn’t make him shut up.
Now they hid my own toolbox from me and I could only go work if they allowed me to. I hated it but even after asking Andrew to make them stop nothing changed. He sided with her like a traitor and now all I could do was eat my dinner, have a session with Andrew, and sit here alone with Kit. It wasn’t far.
Andrew looked more serious than normal when I walked into my session and I’m not sure I liked it very much.
“Have a seat Roland. We’re going to take a test today.”
“I’m not very good at tests. And I didn’t get a chance to study. That’s not fair.” A small smile graced his lips as he shook his head.
“It’s not that kind of test. All you have to do is answer honestly. Can you do that for me?”
“I’m not a child. I can answer simple questions.”
“Then you have nothing to worry about. This test will be very easy for you. Do you often feel like talking is impossible?”
“No.”
“No? Patrick said you were all but non verbal when he found you.”
“I just didn’t want to talk. I could have if I wanted to but I just really didn’t want to. Dad said silence is okay sometimes.”
“It very much is. How often do you feel like not talking?”
“Most of the time. Included now honestly.” He smiled again.
“How do you feel about eye contact? Do you ever go out of your way to avoid it?”
“I hate eye contact but it’s rude to avoid it so I try not to.”
The questions continued like that for a while. Did I like it when people touched me? Mostly no but I liked it when Kit did that one time. His eyes went wide at that last part but he didn’t say anything. Did I ever feel like things were too much? Yes. Did texture of things matter? Yes. Did I sometimes feel the need to flap my hands? Yes.
On and on the questions went until eventually Andrew stopped and looked at me.
“Have you ever taken this test before?”
“No.”
“Okay, have you ever heard of the word autism?”
“No.”
“That’s perfectly okay. It just means that you process the world a bit differently than a lot of people. You see where you answered yes to most of your questions, I would have answered no. It’s not a bad thing but there are certain things we can do to help you not get as over-stimulated in the future now that we know this is a thing you struggle with.”
“Like what?”
“Well we can try to help you avoid triggers like how you don’t like wearing certain shirt material. We can also see if you would benefit from ear plugs to help muffle all the loud sounds in the cafeteria. Maybe get some sun glasses so that lights aren’t as harsh. Just some things like that. We can also help with your hyper-fixations.”
“I don’t have any of those.”
“I disagree,” he said as he leaned back in his chair. “I’d say fixing things is one. One of the criteria is being willing or so focused on one thing that it’s all you want to do and you get upset when people try to make you stop or take breaks. From what you told me about Mary a few days ago and what you’ve shown me I know you tend to work through meals and get upset when people try to get in your way.”
“Well yea, I don’t like stopping but that’s because I like it and it’s rude stopping people when they’re enjoying something.”
“It’s a fixation Roland. It’s not a bad thing it just means we’re going to treat it a bit differently.”
“I’m not going to stop fixing cars,” I said with a harsh glare on my face.
“I’m not asking you too. In fact I’m willing to help you do it more often now.” I was very okay with autism thing if it meant people people were more willing to do things that I want. “It just means we’re going to put a bit better rules in place.”
“I don’t want any more rules.”
“They won’t all be for you. Some of them will be for me, Mary, and anyone else who is out there with you like Kit.”
“Like what?”
“Well for one no one will be touching your stuff. It’ll your things and no one else. No one will take things away from you anymore. Personally I feel like Mary shouldn’t have done it a few days ago but what’s done is done.”
“I like that rule.”
“I figured you would. We would also start doing hourly check ins. One of us would come out check on you, make you take a ten minute break to drink or get a snack and you can go back to it.”
“I like that one less.”
“I know but it’s good for you. Have you ever noticed that you get really hungry after you stop for the day?”
“Yea but that’s just because I’ve been working.”
“It’s because you were hungry the whole time and just didn’t notice because of how focused you were. This is how we’re going to make sure you stay healthy.” I groaned a bit but Andrew didn’t seem to care.
“I’m also going to have a conservation with Mary and your teachers. Mary needs to know how to help you when you’re having a meltdown like a few days ago and your teachers are going to be informed of your triggers.”
“Can you make them stop calling on me in class?”
“If you think it would be helpful I can tell them to stop.”
“I don’t like everyone looking at me.”
“That’s understandable. Is there anything else that you can think of that they’re doing that you’d like them to stop?”
“I want Mr. Thomas to stop making me do extra work.”
“How long has he been doing that? No one told him he was allowed to do that.”
“Ever since I got here. He said if I wasn’t going to participate in class I needed to make sure I knew the material some how but I know the material. I’ve been keeping up with homework but he’s still making me do more than everyone else.”
“Why didn’t you tell anyone? We could have stopped this a long time ago. I’ll bring it up to Mary and she’ll put a stop to it.”
“I thought it was okay.”
“It wasn’t and I’m sorry he’s been doing that to you. We’ll put a stop to it.”
“Can I work in the rain?”
“Still no.”
“Damn.”
Last updated January 16, 2024
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